Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

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Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

Scroll down for video 

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

| Husband | asks | Mumsnet | advice | reviving | dwindling | life | would | turn | were | dissatisfied | with | your | p> One | desperate | husband | asked | Mumsnet for | after | wife | went | from | having | twice | week | just | once | every | months | starting | family | p> But | some | women | less | than | sympathetic | towards | father | mothers | forum | broach | subject | telling | him: | Youre | owed | because | want | p> Scroll | down | video < | span>< | p> < | p> < | noscript>< | div> The | turned | broaching | more | wife< | div> < | div> PseudoDad | said | have | only | five | times | since | their | conceived | almost | half | years | they | used | week< | div> User | PseudoDad | wrote | site< | Since | p> Prior | this | werent | like | rabbits | very | happy | p> < | div> He | wanted | that | respected | wonderful | asked: | When | enough | p> His | post | received | hundreds | replies | suggesting | housework | consider | counselling | simply | accept | might | interested | right | div> < | AndShes | Gone | told | sounded | though | wasnt | listening | div> Mumsnet | user | monkeysox | first | reply | when | whether | doing |   < | p> PseudoDad | replied | insist | does | share | another | grit | teeth | until | feels | wants | again | p> Youre | BravoPanda | p> Another | wrote: |  Sex | action | between | people | giving | break | waiting | year | charm | offensive | sounds | fake | worse | manipulative | div> Things | began | cool | woman | could | tell | asking | genuine | question | admitted | shed | struggle | situation | too< | Bounes | said: | decide | relationship | isnt | youre | talking | surprised | backing | p> But | others | response | dilemma | writing: I | work | well | p> Ilovetorrentialrain | suggested | pursue | therapy | div> IcecreamRocks | then | despite | answer | understood | felt < | div> Honeylulu | agreed | getting | hard | time | adding | glue | binds | together | p> That | intimacy | form | communication | will | should | not) | present | other | relationships | p> |

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How does one avoid sex when starting off a long term relationship?

Q. I have a boyfriend. He likes sex and I like sex. However, we want the relationship to be long term and if we engage in sex I have a fear that things will be different between us.

A. Speaking as a man, I will tell you that you are very smart to not "give it up" so easily. If you want a man to really, really love you, portraying yourself as "easy" almost certainly guarantees that any good man will pass over you, and the men who are interested in you would just be interested for the sex. When they reach the point in their life where they want a real girlfriend, or to think about getting married, it won't be with you.

In fact, when I was single, my biggest concern was not to meet a woman, but to NOT meet a sh*tty woman. When I did meet a woman that I was interested in, I always asked the all-important questions, such as what they did for a living, what their goals were, what they like to do for fun, and if they had any children. If I didn't like what I heard, then goodbye. Also, there were women that I met, and they wanted to "hook up" that same night, or women that I dated a few times, and they already wanted sex. And of course I said no way (and did not have sex with them).

Screening out all the losers worked very well for me, because I did not have a "real" girlfriend until I was 27 years old, and now I am 30 and we are married, and I am much happier than my friends and co-workers who had many girlfriends and years (decades?) of casual sex.

One of the reasons why I love my wife so much, and decided to get married with her is because when we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we did everything in steps, to make sure we really love each other. After we were together for more than 4 months and knew that we really loved each other, then we started to have a sexual relationship.

So in summary, don't be "easy", or else the man will never take you seriously. Especially if he is a man that has been with many women in his lifetime.

Original Question

How soon after having sex will you start to get morning sickness?

Q. Yesterday, I had unprotected sex and today I threw up without feeling sick like, at all. I'm just wondering, is it possible that this is morning sickness? or is it too soon after sex to be morning sickness?

A. Morning sickness generally doesn't set in until you are between 7-9 weeks pregnant... Some get it sooner, some get it later, some never get it at all, but on average, it takes quite some time before you get the classic pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness.

It's not possible for you to have any symptoms if you just had sex yesterday b/c you're not even pregnant yet. It takes 2-3 days for the sperm to even FIND the egg and then 6-12 days for the egg to implant into the uterus and start producing the hormones that cause symptoms.

So you're just stressing out for no reason.

Original Question

How many days should I have sex after a positive ovulation test?

Q. Hello,
I had sex on 7/12. I got a positive ovulation test on 7/13. We had sex on 7/13 and 7/14 and will have sex today. Do you think that I have a good chance?

A. Sounds like you have timed it all very well.
If this cycle isn't successful then next month you can try and just have sex every second day and not test for Ovulation so you never feel 'pressured' while your TTC.

Having sex everyday does make the sperm not as strong for the long journey they have ahead of them to the F/T. Males produce more sperm everytime they ejaculate. They should ideally have about 36hours to let the sperm grow big and strong for the journey so sometimes it is better to have sex every 48 hours not every 24 hours. Because you want the sperm to be as strong as possible so you have a better chance of getting pregnant.

Original Question

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Yes, Sex Robots Are a Thing and Here's Everything You Want to Know

Sex robots may be all over science fiction, but our real sexy-AI future is probably closer than you thought.

As 2016 comes to a close, it's worthwhile to ask where we're at, sex robot-wise, as we move into the new yearâ€"and the answer depends on what kind of sex robot you're looking for. First, there are the "escort" services in Japan and South Korea that let people rent out technologically-advanced sex dolls. Though we already knew about American artist Matt McMullen's "RealDolls,", lifelike sex dolls that can be modeled after real people (like the one Ryan Gosling fell in love with in Lars and the Real Girl), he's currently adding artificial intelligence so they can talk to their human companions. And engineer Douglas Hines invented a robot named Roxxxy, which (or is it who?) responds verbally to touch and can talk about the news.

Thankfully, it doesn't look like sexbots are in danger of replacing human partnersâ€"at least for now. According to a survey by Tufts University researchers, most people agree that having sex with a robot is more like using a sex toy than sleeping with a person. But even when sex is taken off the table, our artificial friends could have some other interesting uses in the future.

We asked sexual biotechnology researcher Nicole Prause, PhD, if what's available now really counts as a sex robot and what we can expect in the future.

Would it be fair to say that sex robots already exist?

Nicole Prause: Sure, at the most basic level, sex robots already exist. There are machines to "auto-extract" ejaculate both for fertility and pleasure purposes already. They are not responsive to human preference or feedback, but the mechanics already exist. Responsive characters already exist, tooâ€"they just have to limit your requests of them because they are not very flexible.

What are the most advanced sex robots we have right now?

NP: The most advanced robots in terms of their intelligence do not exist in sex. The most advanced development I have seen for emotional tasks is for automated therapy, such as for PTSD. Studies are being conducted showing that, while people do not ascribe actual human qualities (they do not believe the robot has come to life), they will disclose more emotional content to a robot therapist than to a human therapist. These advances are occurring in collaborations between research psychologists and computer scientists.

What do you think the most advanced sex robots will look like in 10 years, then?

NP: Sex robots in 10 years are likely to be increasingly able to detect sexual movements (e.g., being touched on the nipple and how hard), but so little is known about "typical" sexual interactionsâ€"how many people desire or respond to nipple stimulation and what is optimal pressureâ€"that it will be very difficult to develop accurate "off-the-shelf" robots. The advances are most likely to come with learning algorithms developed for other, non-sexual purposes. The necessity of advanced computing to integrate the information from the periphery (nipple, vulva, et cetera) and the stigma of working in this area suggest sexually-focused robots will not receive attention from the best scientists until sometime far after others have developed related capabilities. I am not optimistic we will see much in 10 years.

Do you see any potential uses for them beyond entertainment?

NP: People can remain aware of the robot as a robot and still have true emotional experiences themselves, and I do not see why sexual experiences would be different in this respect. Much like sex films, which adults overwhelmingly recognize as fantasy, I believe robots will be a useful tool for some people beyond entertainment alone.

What positive effects do you think they could have on our lives?

NP: Robots could be very useful in situations where partner access is not available. For example, therapy to overcome sexual abuse might feel safer to start with a well-controlled, programmed, non-judgemental partner. Those who have difficulty attracting partners, due to mental illness, different physical appearance, or simple disinterest, might choose to enjoy sexual activity with robots. Established romantic relationships could include a robot to increase their sexual breadth. Robots also might serve in a discharge capacityâ€"directing illegal sexual behaviors towards the robot instead of a human.

What negative effects could they have?

NP: The biggest likely negative effect is the technology backlash that always occurs in sexuality: people will be shamed for sexual behaviors with robots. They will be made to feel they are broken, maladjusted, or otherwise lesser. In other words, the most likely negative effects are from the social response to sex robots, not the robots themselves. They also might present a challenge for individuals with social anxiety, who otherwise might be motivated to improve their social interactions out of a desire to attract a sexual partner, have a family, and so on. Of course, any device could carry some basic risk of injury, but I trust those to be minimized, as safety will be in mind with development.

This is likely to mimic what we have seen with sex films: a tiny minority of people who view sex films report having problems with them, while society loses its collective shit with conservative panic about imagined problem. "Loses its collective shit" being a super-professional opinion.

If we want to get an idea of what sex robots could be like one day, do any sci-fi movies actually do a good job depicting them?

NP: No. Movies with sexbots always present them as far more advanced than I can imagine them being in 50 years, much less 10, in terms of emotional simulations. Repetitive sexual movements I expect to become much more realistic more rapidly than the interaction.

Would it be possible for people to one day fall in love with robots?

NP: As with sex films, there will be a tiny minority of people who fail to distinguish reality with robots. I hope we focus on this education rather than demonizing the technology.

"

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Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

Suggest a correction

"

| Post-Election, | Survivors | Assault | Struggling | Have | Again | After | infamous | recording | President | elect | Donald | Trump | bragging | about | grabbing | women | pussy< | came | Anna* | went | Facebook | page | share | story | high | school | been | raped | boyfriend | that | moment | wanted | people | know | p> “I | didn’t | anyone’s | name | just | said | domestic | violence | sexual | assault | survivor | bothered | much | what | Anna | told | Huffington | Post | “I | this | not< | locker | room | talk | This | happens | happened | ”< | p> After | posting |  Anna | felt | great | heard | from | several | shared | their | stories | helped | connect | them | resources | then | reached | saying | going | same | threatening | accusers | unsettling | parallel | could | quite | wrap | head | around | anxious | election | over | kept | wanting | think | wouldn’t | elected | nation | would | kind | thing | isn’t | Since | Trump’s | tailspin | week | half | couldn’t | sleep | still | hasn’t | really | able | intimate | with | husband | p> “Since | comment | we’ve | only | couple | times | adding | meet | doctor | options | don’t | want | feel | ” < | p> < | div> I | gotten | point | where | taken | power | back | rapist | like | American | telling | more | span> | span>< | blockquote> The | 2016 | presidential | campaign | difficult | many | especially | those | triggered | called | “locker | string | allegations< | he’d | groped | kissed | without | consent | they | even | reminder | everything | they’ve | through | minimizing | left | lives | shambles | p> “It | resurfaced | past | trauma | experienced | seven | years | when | sexually | assaulted | ‘No | ’”< | p> Prior | every | other | having | maybe | once | nothing | When | have | feels | less | enthusiastic | p> “I’m | comfortable | letting | myself | right | p> It | hardly | surprising | reaction | says | Wendy | Maltz | therapist | author | Sexual | Healing | Journey: | Guide | Abuse | em>< | p> “Here | unprecedented | situation | person | identified | perpetrator | elevated | highest | position | country | “For | [people] | who’ve | abused | it’s | huge | shock | p> Trump’s | broader | triggering | effect | well | documented | Soon | after | “grab | pussy” | tape |  RAINN< | a> ― the | nonprofit | runs | National | Hotline | call | traffic | increase | percent< | during | therapists | signed | “manifesto” | detailing | psychological | toll | believed | taking | patients | anxiety | fear | shame | Politico | reports< | works | survivors | abuse | Slate< | she’d | seen | uptick | calling | emergency | counseling | sessions | experiencing | flashbacks | inability | outside | div> When | look | visceral | someone | actually | Jamie* | blockquote> But | behavior | It’s | feeling | Americans | simply | care | enough | experiences | vote | against | aggressor | made | challenging | again | trusted | partners | points | research | found< | “institutional | betrayal” | student | reports | university | fails | provide | backup | exacerbate | leading | further | depression | problems | p> “Those | results | suggest | institutions | cause | additional | harm | form | effects | Women | traumatized | added | They | project | feelings | onto | else | such | partner | himself | p> That’s | exactly | happening | date | p> “When | “It | into | hole | live | four | since | appetite | p> Jamie | understands | course | can’t | shake | violated | some | p> “I’ve | never | looking | stranger | Jamie | hopeful | will | resume | life | soon | thought | seeing | face | worries | Dirty | Muddy | victimized | p> * | First | names | changed | privacy | reasons | strong>< | div> | Suggest | correction< | div> |

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