Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

| Husband | asks | Mumsnet | advice | reviving | dwindling | life | would | turn | were | dissatisfied | with | your | p> One | desperate | husband | asked | Mumsnet for | after | wife | went | from | having | twice | week | just | once | every | months | starting | family | p> But | some | women | less | than | sympathetic | towards | father | mothers | forum | broach | subject | telling | him: | Youre | owed | because | want | p> < | p> < | noscript>< | div> The | turned | broaching | more | wife< | div> < | div> PseudoDad | said | have | only | five | times | since | their | conceived | almost | half | years | they | used | week< | div> User | PseudoDad | wrote | site< | Since | p> Prior | this | werent | like | rabbits | very | happy | p> < | div> He | wanted | that | respected | wonderful | asked: | When | enough | p> His | post | received | hundreds | replies | suggesting | housework | consider | counselling | simply | accept | might | interested | right | div> < | AndShes | Gone | told | sounded | though | wasnt | listening | div> Mumsnet | user | monkeysox | first | reply | when | whether | doing |   < | p> PseudoDad | replied | insist | does | share | another | grit | teeth | until | feels | wants | again | p> Youre | BravoPanda | p> Another | wrote: |  Sex | action | between | people | giving | break | waiting | year | charm | offensive | sounds | fake | worse | manipulative | div> Things | began | cool | down | woman | could | tell | asking | genuine | question | admitted | shed | struggle | situation | too< | Bounes | said: | decide | relationship | isnt | youre | talking | surprised | backing | p> But | others | response | dilemma | writing: I | work | well | p> Ilovetorrentialrain | suggested | pursue | therapy | div> IcecreamRocks | then | despite | answer | understood | felt < | div> Honeylulu | agreed | getting | hard | time | adding | glue | binds | together | p> That | intimacy | form | communication | will | should | not) | present | other | relationships | p> |

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Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

Scroll down for video 

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

| Husband | asks | Mumsnet | advice | reviving | dwindling | life | would | turn | were | dissatisfied | with | your | p> One | desperate | husband | asked | Mumsnet for | after | wife | went | from | having | twice | week | just | once | every | months | starting | family | p> But | some | women | less | than | sympathetic | towards | father | mothers | forum | broach | subject | telling | him: | Youre | owed | because | want | p> Scroll | down | video < | span>< | p> < | p> < | noscript>< | div> The | turned | broaching | more | wife< | div> < | div> PseudoDad | said | have | only | five | times | since | their | conceived | almost | half | years | they | used | week< | div> User | PseudoDad | wrote | site< | Since | p> Prior | this | werent | like | rabbits | very | happy | p> < | div> He | wanted | that | respected | wonderful | asked: | When | enough | p> His | post | received | hundreds | replies | suggesting | housework | consider | counselling | simply | accept | might | interested | right | div> < | AndShes | Gone | told | sounded | though | wasnt | listening | div> Mumsnet | user | monkeysox | first | reply | when | whether | doing |   < | p> PseudoDad | replied | insist | does | share | another | grit | teeth | until | feels | wants | again | p> Youre | BravoPanda | p> Another | wrote: |  Sex | action | between | people | giving | break | waiting | year | charm | offensive | sounds | fake | worse | manipulative | div> Things | began | cool | woman | could | tell | asking | genuine | question | admitted | shed | struggle | situation | too< | Bounes | said: | decide | relationship | isnt | youre | talking | surprised | backing | p> But | others | response | dilemma | writing: I | work | well | p> Ilovetorrentialrain | suggested | pursue | therapy | div> IcecreamRocks | then | despite | answer | understood | felt < | div> Honeylulu | agreed | getting | hard | time | adding | glue | binds | together | p> That | intimacy | form | communication | will | should | not) | present | other | relationships | p> |

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Why a woman's sex drive can be determined by the type of contraceptive pill she using

The type of birth control pill women take can affect how often they want sex, a study has found.

One of the main types of oral contraceptive boosted the sex drive of women who were in committed relationships.

But this effect, seen in women taking pills high in the hormone progestogen, only occurred if they felt highly committed to her partner.

The other main type of pill, high in the hormone oestrogen, had the opposite effect.

Scroll down for video 

A study found that differing levels of synthetic hormones in the pill worked in tandem with how committed a woman feels to her partner to determine how often they had sex 

THE PILL, DEVOTION AND SEX FREQUENCY

The study consisted of two trials, in almost 400 people.

In the first trial, researchers followed 112 women over a 12-week period, asking when they had sex in their cycle and how often.

A second trial quizzed 275 women on their hormonal contraceptive and how often they had sex in the previous week.

Taken together, the findings revealed that the more oestrogen a contraceptive contained, the more sexually active a woman was in a less committed relationship.

But women taking contraceptives with more progesterone were most sexually active when they were more committed to their partner.

The findings add weight to the idea that outside of ovulation, rather than just for pleasure, sex actually helps to strengthen the bond between couples. 

Researchers from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and the University of New Mexico looked at women in committed relationships taking the pill.

As might be expected, they found that those women who were more committed to their relationship had more sex with their partner.

But the researchers also found a link between the concentrations of hormones in their oral contraception.

‘This association was especially true when the contraceptive that women used had potent levels of synthetic hormones that mimic the effects of the natural hormone progesterone, and lower levels of the hormone oestrogen,’ explained Professor Stephen Gangestad, from the University of New Mexico.

Oral contraceptives deliver differing levels of synthetic hormones based on oestrogen and progesterone to alter a woman’s cycle.

While some types of oral contraceptive will mimic the hormone levels characteristic of ovulation, others will more closely mimic the extended sexual phase ­â€" when a woman is least likely to conceive.

Taken together, the findings revealed that the more oestrogen, the more sexually active a woman was in a less committed relationship. But women taking contraceptives with more progesterone were most sexually active when they were more committed to their partner

HOW MUCH PROGESTOGEN AND OESTROGEN IS IN THE MOST COMMON CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS IN THE UK AND US? 

Pill brand	Progestogen	Oestrogen
Microgynon	150 mcg levonorgestrel	30 mcg ethinylostradiol
Rigevidon	150 mcg levonorgestrel	30 mcg ethinylestradiol
Yasmin	3 mg drospirenone	30 mcg ethinylestradiol
Loestrin 20	1 mcg norethisterone acetate	20 mcg ethinylestradiol
Cerazette	75 mcg desogestrel	Progestogen-only pill
Microgestin	1mg norethindrone acetate	20 mcg ethinylestradiol
Aviane	0.10 mg levonogestrel	20 mcg ethinylestradiol
Loestrin	1.5 mcg norethisterone acetate	20 mcg ethinylestradiol
Mircette	0.15 mg desogestrel	20 mcg ethinylestradiol
Yaz	3 mg drospirenone	20 mcg ethinylestradiol

In one of the trials, researchers followed more than 100 women over a 12-week period, asked when they had sex in their cycle and how often.

A second trial quizzed 275 women on their hormonal contraceptive and how often they had sex in the previous week.

Taken together, the findings revealed that the more oestrogen a contraceptive contained, the more sexually active a woman was in a less committed relationship.

But women taking contraceptives with more progesterone were most sexually active when they were more committed to their partner.

While some types of oral contraceptive will mimic the hormone levels characteristic of ovulation, others will more closely mimic the extended sexual phase ­â€" when a woman is least likely to conceive

‘This strengthens the idea that sex outside the ovulation phase has a function besides just pleasure,’ added Trond Viggo Grøntvedt from NTNU.

He added: ‘Before we did this study, we didn't know how much difference there was between the two types of hormonal contraceptives.’

The results suggest that how often women have sex is linked to how committed they are to their partner.

But the type of hormone most prominent plays a key role, whether produced naturally or synthetically in the form of oral contraceptive.

The findings are published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. 

"

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