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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Hundreds of police in England and Wales accused of sexual abuse | UK news

7:01 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

Hundreds of police officers are being accused of sexually abusing victims and suspects in what a senior police watchdog has called â€œthe most serious corruption issue facing the serviceâ€.

Forces across England and Wales received 436 allegations of abuse of power for sexual gain against 306 police officers, 20 police community support officers and eight staff in the two years to March but inspectors believe the problem is even more prevalent than the numbers suggest.

Despite the large numbers, there is evidence that only 40 officers or staff have been dismissed for abusing authority for sexual gain in a similar period.

Vulnerable individuals, including domestic abuse victims, alcohol and drug addicts, sex workers and arrested suspects were among those targeted by officers and staff, Her Majestyâ€™s Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC) said.

Victim groups have said the findings are â€œdeeply concerningâ€ and involved some of the most vulnerable people in society.

Mike Cunningham, inspector of constabulary and former chief constable of Staffordshire police, said: â€œThis is the most serious corruption issue facing the service. What can be worse than a guardian abusing the trust and confidence of an abused person? There can be no greater violation of public trust.â€

â€œIt is probably more likely the problem is more serious than the numbers reported back to us,â€ he added.

â€œIn many cases the victims are vulnerable people. They are victims of domestic abuse, theyâ€™re victims who might have been arrested and they have drug or alcohol dependency. It is an exploitation of power where the guardian becomes the abuser.â€

One of the most high-profile cases of police officers abusing their power in recent history was that of Stephen Mitchell, who was jailed for life in 2011 for raping and sexually assaulting vulnerable women he had arrested.

Mitchell, who was a constable with Northumbria police, abused heroin addicts, shoplifters and a disabled teenager by offering them help while in custody, then demanding sexual favours afterwards.

Earlier this year, DS Robert Dawson, a Metropolitan police officer who had sex with a vulnerable alleged rape victim, was formally dismissed from the force. A tribunal heard that in 2010, while investigating an allegation of serious sexual assault, Dawson engaged in an inappropriate sexual relationship with the victim.

PC Simon Salway, who had sex with vulnerable witnesses and victims of crime, and fathered a child with one of the women he exploited, was found guilty of six charges of misconduct in a public office at Luton crown court last year.

HMIC found that more than a third (39%) of the allegations of abuse of authority for sexual gain involved victims of domestic abuse. As part of its research the inspectorate carried out an online survey of domestic abuse practitioners between July and August. Sixty-eight practitioners (16%) of the 414 who took part said victims of domestic abuse had disclosed that an officer or member of police staff had abused their authority to exploit them or develop an inappropriate relationship with them.

The chief executive of the domestic violence charity Refuge, Sandra Horley, said: â€œWidespread reports of police officers exploiting women for sexual gain â€¦ are horrific â€" but unsurprising.

â€œRefuge is glad HMICâ€™s report has shone a light on this issue, following a consultation with domestic violence practitioners including our frontline staff. The police are meant to protect the public from harm; how can women be expected to report their abuse, if they fear the police will abuse them all over again? Women have the right to safety and protection.

â€œRefuge commends the work HMIC has already done in improving the police response to domestic violence; we hope this report will mean an end to what is an appalling abuse of power.â€

Mark Castle, chief executive of the independent charity Victim Support, said: â€œThese allegations are deeply concerning. The victims involved are some of the most vulnerable people in our society, who have been exploited by the people they should be able to trust the most, the police.

â€œIn order to maintain public confidence in the police itâ€™s critical that forces recognise this behaviour as the serious corruption that it is and report all cases to the IPCC to ensure that they are thoroughly and robustly investigated.â€

The HMIC findings formed part of a broader inspection of police legitimacy, which concluded victimsâ€™ satisfaction with the way they were treated by police remained high. The investigation was ordered by the then home secretary, Theresa May.

But the inspectorate said forces still needed to become more proactive in rooting out officers and staff abusing power for sexual gain. This could involve profiling officers to single out those who might be likely to commit such abuse.

Cunningham said one of the reasons the inspectorate believed the figures belied a greater problem was that forces in England and Wales did not have a consistent and coherent approach to tackling the problem.

Not all forces class the abuse of authority for sexual gain as a serious corruption issue, which HMIC says they should. This would mean any allegation would be automatically referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) for investigation.

HMIC was only able to find 40 cases on the national disapproved register in which officers or staff were dismissed for abusing power for sexual gain during the period in which more than 400 allegations were received.

â€œWhatâ€™s less clear is whatâ€™s happening with those allegations, how those allegations are being pursued, how they translate into gross misconduct hearings and sackings,â€ Cunningham said.

HMIC said the problem remained despite recommendations in a 2012 IPCC report on the issue, which appear to have not been acted on.

In her speech to the Police Federation conference earlier this year, May said: â€œWe know of officers who develop inappropriate relationships with victims of domestic abuse. They have ignored their professional duty and their moral responsibility, and instead abused their position of power to exploit victims. We do not know the true scale of this, but everyone in this room will know it goes on far more than we might care to admit.â€

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Hundreds of police in England and Wales accused of sexual abuse | UK news

1:57 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

Hundreds of police officers are being accused of sexually abusing victims and suspects in what a senior police watchdog has called â€œthe most serious corruption issue facing the serviceâ€.

Despite the large numbers, there is evidence that only 40 officers or staff have been dismissed for abusing authority for sexual gain in a similar period.

Victim groups have said the findings are â€œdeeply concerningâ€ and involved some of the most vulnerable people in society.

â€œIt is probably more likely the problem is more serious than the numbers reported back to us,â€ he added.

Mitchell, who was a constable with Northumbria police, abused heroin addicts, shoplifters and a disabled teenager by offering them help while in custody, then demanding sexual favours afterwards.

â€œRefuge commends the work HMIC has already done in improving the police response to domestic violence; we hope this report will mean an end to what is an appalling abuse of power.â€

HMIC said the problem remained despite recommendations in a 2012 IPCC report on the issue, which appear to have not been acted on.

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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Porn, Sex And Marriage: What's OK, And What Isn't? : NPR

5:00 PM Bilal Muazin No comments

Warning: Today's post deals with sexual content and may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Dear Sugar Radio is a weekly podcast from member station WBUR. Hosts Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed offer "radical empathy" and advice on everything from relationships and parenthood to dealing with drug problems or anxiety.

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Courtesy of WBUR

Today they're delving into the adult topics of pornography and masturbation. A man says he masturbates regularly while watching pornography but still maintains a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. But he is still "troubled" by the notion that the porn industry is exploitative of performers, and questions whether it is morally acceptable to fantasize about women other than his wife.

To help in their discussion of these topics, the Sugars are joined by Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of The Porn Trap.

Dear Sugars,

Is it bad to masturbate to online porn? I am a happily married man in my mid-50s, and have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. We have a satisfying sex life, having sex approximately once every week.

However, I go online to masturbate to porn about three times a week. I work from home and find that I become sexually turned on during the working day. I look at masturbation as a healthy release. Viewing online porn allows me to accomplish the "task" more quickly and get back to work.

That other purveyor of personal wisdom, Dr. Phil, advises that watching porn is an immoral betrayal of a marital partner and says the women in porn videos are likely to have been abused as children and are being exploited. I have a teenage daughter and avoid videos of young girls, preferring age-appropriate subjects in the so-called "mature" category. I also avoid watching porn up to 24 hours before I am likely to have a date with my wife in order to be able to enjoy and contribute to our sex together.

Can Men And Women Be Friends Without Benefits?

My wife knows that I look at porn. While we don't discuss it, she doesn't feel that it is a betrayal of her. I look at viewing porn as an extension of masturbation, which I believe is healthy and a necessary release, one that is as private as going to the bathroom. If not for porn, I would still masturbate. I doubt Dr. Phil believes that masturbation is immoral. Is masturbating while fantasizing about someone besides my wife immoral? Assuming that online porn is the problem, is it possible that you can make distinctions?

I know that many of the women on porn sites are probably psychologically damaged in some way, and that the pornography industry may be contributing to that damage. On the other hand, is it possible that accepting money for video sex is not always exploitative? Is it possible that some of the women who perform in online sex videos do it out of a healthy appreciation of sex?

Signed,

Troubled by Porn

Steve Almond: I could have written this letter, and I felt a great sense of sympathy for this guy who's trying to figure out the same questions I struggle with when I bother to even struggle with them: Am I complicit in something that is very clearly against my moral code? In what ways? And what are my other alternatives?

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Follow the Sugars on Twitter @dearsugarradio. Jennie Baker Photography/Courtesy of WBUR hide caption

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Follow the Sugars on Twitter @dearsugarradio.

Jennie Baker Photography/Courtesy of WBUR

I think he is in a productive state of bewilderment, and I think most of the men of conscience who consume porn in one way or another are either suppressing this set of questions or are struggling with them. The porn industry is like football or like meat or like fossil fuels â€" it's essentially exploitative. But because I have a libido that operates differently than my wife's, I get horny and I want relief. I lament that I no longer sit there and do the imaginative work of masturbating without porn. There are a lot of people who aren't even grappling with the ways in which pornography is an ethical concern because, frankly, people don't want porn served with a side dish of ethics.

Wendy Maltz: I have a lot of respect for the man who wrote this letter. He's really thinking about his relationship to porn and trying to figure it out. He doesn't have the secrecy and shame element going on that a lot of people have with porn. But there's something happening â€" he's starting to question it. I can't say if his porn use in particular is a good thing or a bad thing. It's so personal. People have ask themselves, "What does porn mean to me? What is it doing to me? Where's it taking me?"

Cheryl Strayed: What do you mean when you say "Where's it taking me?" Do you mean to suggest that, in some ways, his porn use could be robbing his marriage of a sort of intimacy that it might have if he didn't use it?

Wendy: Porn is a very powerful product. It's like nothing we've ever seen before. There's a conditioning process associated with porn. It can become a stronger habit. Our sexual arousal response gets patterned to particular cues, and those cues can be the images in porn or they can be the smell of a lover's neck. Images are very powerful, so porn could be affecting the intimacy he has with his wife in ways he's not even aware of. He says porn is not an issue in his marriage, but he and his wife aren't really talking about its place in their relationship either.

Steve: There's a kind of "don't-ask-don't-tell" policy when it comes to porn in relationships. Pornography, predominantly for men, is a little secret cavern â€" it's a place we go, even if we're in happy, deeply communicative relationships, as it seems this guy is.

Cheryl: Part of my response to this letter is that there's nothing wrong. This guy wants to have an orgasm about four times a week. Presumably, if his wife wanted to have sex more, she would be making advances towards him. And he has a different sex drive than she does, and so he just takes care of himself. He doesn't need to tell his wife. There is such thing as privacy, even when you're married to somebody. Wendy, is this inherently a bad setup, or are you thinking, well clearly, because he's asking these questions, he's not entirely comfortable with it?

Wendy: From a clinical perspective, we're not talking about someone who is disassociated or who uses porn in lieu of sex, but there's something going on for him â€" he signed his letter "Troubled by Porn." One of the things that I wonder about is, why does he use porn a lot while he's working? Is sexual release a way of dealing with stress for him? Maybe he's not feeling as productive or as recognized in his field as he'd like to be? Has porn become a way that he self-soothes? And if so, is that at the expense of learning other ways to take care of himself â€" reaching out to a real person or going for a run?

The other thing is his age. Being a man in his mid-50s, it can take a little longer to get sexually aroused. The erections aren't as firm. Sex can become a little bit more laborious in terms of functioning, but under usual circumstances, that's offset by really good communication with a partner you've been with for years.

Cheryl: Or by a sense of humor â€" that sex doesn't have to be a performance. It doesn't always have to equal orgasm. It's a sensual exchange of pleasure and communication.

Wendy: And there's this wonderful growth that a couple can have. I've been married for nearly 40 years now, but I had a rough beginning as a sexual person. I've now experienced what it's like to be in a long-term relationship where you don't have a heavy influence of porn and where you can really work with your partner and learn with your partner and grow with your partner sexually. I think a lot of couples are missing out on that growth.

Steve: Troubled by Porn, you've reached a moment where you have to ask yourself, "What is the meaning of porn for me? And if I'm unsettled, do I need to start having the difficult, but necessary, discussion with my wife to say, 'I feel greater desire and I want it to be toward you. I want to find a better balance between my porn use and our sex life together.' "

You can get more advice from the Sugars each week on >Dear Sugar Radio from WBUR. Listen to the full episode to hear more about how porn can affect relationships.

Have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugarradio@gmail.com and it may be answered on a future episode.

You can also listen to Dear Sugar Radio on >iTunes, >Stitcher or your favorite podcast app.

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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

What's the difference between having sex and making love?

5:12 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

Q. "Making love" sounds like it has more of an emotional component to it, whereas "having sex" sounds like it is just relief for horny-ness. But what's the actual difference? For example, does "making love" include more foreplay? Is it followed by cuddling afterwards? Could you describe a typical "lovemaking" session and a typical "sex" session?

Also, which is more enjoyable?

Any answers will be appreciated :)

A. To me making love means that you have an emotional attachment towards the person. That you care deeply about them and sex is more enjoyable because your both very much into it. You make love to show affection not just get your hornyness out. It can last long and it's very connecting. You feel closer to the person afterwords and are overcome with emotions that you feel for eachother.

Having sex is just like what you said... To get your hornyness out. Usually it's a quickie and you don't have that much of an attachment to the person. Usually it doesn't involve cuddling like making love, but can include some foreplay.

To me making love is so much more enjoyable. Me and my man for instance have sex or quickies and it's not as much enjoyable as making love. I feel so lived and cared for by him and just could feel the rest of my life with him to be something I desperatly crave. I also tend to smile a lot afterwords lol.

Making love session;
Long foreplay
Sex
Cuddling
Emotional overwhelmness.

Sex session;
Short foreplay if any
Sex
Could include some cuddling

Original Question

What's the difference between having sex and making love?

A. Sex having it, getting up and leaving. There is no tenderness, no attachment.

Making love means what it says. You two are connected, have a relationship (marriage hopefully) and you can trust the person not to tell friends and family what goes on between you too. Mutual trust and true love.

Look it at this way:

Would you like a hot dog or a fine 6 course meal?

Hot dog = sex

Fine Restaurant 6 course meal = the good stuff:)

Original Question

What is the difference between "making love" and regular sex?

Q. My boyfriend and I are intimate together and he is enjoying our emotional connection. Recently he said he wants to experience "making love" for the 1st time with me.

We've already had sex and when I asked him what he envisioned he wasn't sure. I'm not sure either!

I imagine we'll create a romantic setting and engage in more eye contact and take a slower pace.

Any other suggestions?

A. Hi Mommygirl13

You want to know the difference between making love and having sex?

Having sex is when two people use one another to reach orgasim.

Making love is when two people give to one another unconditionally in order to give pleasure to the other. In reality it doesnt really happen, for the act of love making as we call it, is an egoistic, not an altruistic act. We may fool ourselves that we do it for them, but if we did not want it for ourselves, we could not move a muscle.

Love is the ultimate expression of our egoism, and sex is the ultimate pleasure we can experience in this world.

Altruistic love: http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/life-love-family/kabbalah-relationships?p_options=1#fairytale-love-is-just-that--e2-80-93-a-fairytale

Why is sex so important? http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/life-love-family/kabbalah-relationships?p_options=2#why-are-we-so-preoccupied-with-sex-3f

I hope this helps
Shalom
Mem

Original Question

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Saturday, March 9, 2013

What's the difference between making love and f*cking?

1:16 PM Bilal Muazin No comments

Q. Like, how do you know if someone is making love to you or just plain having sex/f*cking you?

A. it's all in the mind of the beholder.
making love is like making a strong emotional connection to a person, you know that the person your with will love you forever and you will love them, the great thing is that when your making love you don't care that you don't organism, your happy with the closeness, and your more focused on the one you love.
fucking is alot different, it can be done with anyone, and you care more about the physical and how to get what you want.

Original Question

Whats the difference between making love or sex?

Q. Whats the difference ?i kmow making love is wen yu really love someone etc etc.. .me nd my bf been together for 2 months to early to say love yet but we rlly like eachother we already had im 17 btw . .

A. For me I feel making love is combined with sex, but more cuddling and kissing and touching rather than just having sex and then finishing quickly. Love is more of a feeling of a connection while having sex. Some people will say they had a connection while having sex, which for me symbolizes making love. If that makes any sense.

Please answer mine would really appreciate it
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmK4sVaTSdNo9umR22X8v3Tsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20121211085400AA2qZXG

Original Question

What's the difference between having sex and making love?