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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Why Arkansas same-sex parents won't be listed on a child's birth certificate

Arkansas same-sex parents will not be listed on their children’s birth certificates, the state’s highest court ruled on Thursday. The decision has raised questions about equal protection, and the state may still change its approach.

The ruling by a four-member majority of the Arkansas Supreme Court determined that only biological parents can be listed on a child’s birth certificate. It overturns last year’s decision by a lower court that married same-sex couples could automatically have both spouses listed as parents. 

For the state Supreme Court, it’s simply a question of biology. At the same time, marriage allows different-sex couples to be listed as parents, and the US Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage may mean that now applies to same-sex couples too. And the debate is complicated by state laws that require parentage to be tracked.

“It is clear that including both married spouses’ names â€" regardless of whether they are same-sex or opposite sex â€" on a child’s birth certificate is exactly the kind of benefit of marriage that the U.S. Supreme Court ruled should be extended to same-sex couples,” Kate Oakley, senior legislative counsel for the Human Rights Campaign, said in a press release.

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That was the approach taken by Little Rock Circuit Judge Tim Fox in December 2015. Three same-sex couples brought a case arguing that the legalization of same-sex marriage gave same-sex parents the same rights to be identified as parents on their children’s birth certificates that different-sex parents already enjoyed. 

For parents, being named on a child’s birth certificate is important for all kinds of reasons, as LGBT news source The Advocate described. Without this legitimization, parents may struggle to put children on their health insurance or even pick them up from school.

When they won their suit, the three couples were granted the right to list the names of both partners on the birth certificates. But the state appealed the decision on the grounds that it was causing legal and logistical problems. Several days after the initial ruling, the Arkansas Supreme Court stayed the decision, preventing it from being extended to other couples.

One possible reason for the issues: birth certificates are woven into legislation and Health Board protocol in the state of Arkansas. Identifying biological parents is an “important governmental objective,” wrote Arkansas Supreme Court Associate Justice Josephine Linker Hart in the majority opinion, explaining that knowing who parents are allows the state to track public health trends and give children genetic information that they might need for medical reasons later on.

But different-sex Arkansas parents aren’t required to prove that they are the biological parents of the child, perhaps limiting the value of state tracking â€" and raising questions about unequal treatment of same-sex parents.

"There's no requirement that DNA be given or that there be a biological relationship to a child to get on a birth certificate for a father, for the non-birth parent," said Cheryl Maples, who sued on behalf of the three couples, the Associated Press reported.

“The inclusion of a parent's name on a child's birth certificate is a benefit associated with and flowing from marriage," wrote Arkansas Associate Justice Paul Danielson in the dissenting opinion.

The decision may have provided an impetus for the state to make some changes to the law.

“It is time to heed the call” to make changes heralded by decisions like Obergefell v. Hodges, which established the right to same-sex marriage, said Arkansas Chief Justice Howard Brill, according to NBC.

And though some state officials pronounced the state “gratified” that the court had chosen to uphold state law, they suggested that lawmakers might be willing to consider changes. Arkansas has so far been reluctant to amend its laws.

“If any changes are appropriate, it is the job of legislators to do so, not the circuit court,” said Judd Deere, a spokesman for Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge, AP reported.

As it stands, the ruling would require same-sex parents to obtain a court order if they want both spouses to be listed on a child’s birth certificate. Ms. Maples told AP that she has not yet decided whether to appeal to the US Supreme Court.

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Friday, December 9, 2016

Your birth control could be affecting your sex life and how faithful you are to your partner... and it's not good news

Sex education

According to a Norwegian University and the University of New Mexico your pill can impact more than just your period

BIRTH control could be affecting more than just when your period comes new research claims it can also have an impact on your sex life and how faithful you are.

A study conducted by the the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and University of New Mexico found that your type of pill can make you more likely to stray away.

New research has revealed that your birth control could be impacting your sex life and faithfulnessNew research has revealed that your birth control could be impacting your sex life and faithfulness>

Getty Images

New research by the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and University of New Mexico has revealed that your birth control could be impacting your sex life and faithfulness

Researchers surveyed 274 straight university females, who lived in Norway and were were all in relationships about their sex life in the past week.

The questionnaire also asked how committed and loyal they were to their partners and which particularly type of contraceptive pill they used.

On the whole, women who were more faithful to their partners had sex more often but this was especially common with those too the pill which contained lowered oestrogen levels and high progesterone.

On the whole, the research foundOn the whole, the research found>

Getty Images

On the whole, the research found women who were more faithful to their partners had sex more often

While those on birth control with high oestrogen and low progesterone had sex more often when they didn’t feel loyal to their partners.

However, the effect only existed for penetrative sex with a penis not solo sex or any other type of partner.

The researchers also conducted another study which surveyed 112 women every week for three months to find out more about their hormones and behaviour over time.

The results once again revealed that less oestrogen and more progesterone were linked with frequency or sex and commitment but there was no difference with perceived loyalty.

The findings supported the theory that women initiate sex more when they have high progesterone levels  but only if the feel serious about their relationship.

NTNU psychology professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair said in a press release“The function of sex in humans outside ovulation is an evolutionary mystery.

“But we believe that it has to do with binding the parties in the relationship together.”

The Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and University of New Mexico conducted a survey which found that women who were on high levels of progesterone pills were more loyal and had sex more with their partnerThe Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and University of New Mexico conducted a survey which found that women who were on high levels of progesterone pills were more loyal and had sex more with their partner>

Getty Images

But the survey found that women who were on high levels of progesterone pills were more loyal and had sex more with their partner

Overall, the study helped reveal more about how birth control affects our sex lives and shed some light on how it might impact our relationships.

“Previous work…indicates that the initiation or termination of birth control usage during a relationship can have consequences for women’s relationship satisfaction,” the researchers concluded.

“Our findings suggest that the type of hormonal contraceptive women select may affect sexual behaviour with partners.”

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| Your | birth | control | could | affecting | your | life | faithful | partner... | good | news | Sex | education< | span> According | Norwegian | University | Mexico | pill | impact | more | than | just | period< | p> < | div> < | div> BIRTH | when | period | comes | research | claims | also | have | p> A | study | conducted | Science | Technology | (NTNU) | found | that | type | make | likely | stray | away | a> Getty | Images< | p> < | div> New | revealed | impacting | faithfulness Researchers | surveyed | straight | university | females | lived | Norway | were | relationships | about | their | past | week | p> The | questionnaire | asked | committed | loyal | they | partners | which | particularly | contraceptive | used | p> On | whole | women | often | this | especially | common | with | those | contained | lowered | oestrogen | levels | high | progesterone | div> On | often While | low progesterone | didn’t | feel | p> However | effect | only | existed | penetrative | penis | solo | other | partner | researchers | another | every | three | months | find | hormones | behaviour | over | time | results | once | again | less | linked | frequency | commitment | there | difference | perceived | loyalty | p> < | p>BAREBACK | MOUNTAIN< | h3> Randy | couple | filmed | having | astonished | walkers | mountain | peak< | span> < | div> < | p>STI | RISE | older | brits< | h3> Top | warns | sexually | transmitted | infections | rocketing | among | Brits< | p>fifty | shades | zzz< | h3> Women | prefer | book | help | them | nights | sleep | reveals< | p>THE | YEAR | VIRGIN< | h3> Indian | monk | bidding | officially | crowned | worlds | oldest | person | puts | incredibly | long | down | sex< | p>DEAR | DEIDRE< | h3> I | passionate | turmoil | broken | div> < | div> The | findings | supported | theory | initiate |  but | serious | relationship | p> NTNU | psychology | professor | Leif | Edward | Ottesen | Kennair | said | press | release< | a>“The | function | humans | outside | ovulation | evolutionary | mystery | p> “But | believe | binding | parties | together | ”< | div> But | survey | pills | partner Overall | helped | reveal | affects | lives | shed | some | light | might | p> “Previous | work…indicates | initiation | termination | usage | during | consequences | women’s | satisfaction | concluded | p> “Our | suggest | hormonal | select | affect | sexual | div> |

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Randy couple filmed having sex by astonished walkers on mountain peak

BAREBACK MOUNTAIN

The saucy pair's intimate encounter on a mountain top has been shared by thousands on social media

A RANDY couple were caught on camera having sex on a mountain peak known locally as the ‘Door of the Devil’.

This amorous pair were filmed romping on the tourist beauty spot overlooking Panchimalco in El Salvador.

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The girl is seen with her trousers off while her partner kneels between her thighs

They got hot and steamy not realising their passionate encounter would be shared by thousands of people on social media.

The couple â€" who have not been identified â€" were seen by astonished walkers on another peak who snapped the lovers in the height of passion and uploaded the image.

The girl is seen with her trousers off while her partner kneels between her thighs.

Internet commentators were quick to share their views.

Alexander Nonvers said they should “pay for a motel”, while another Andres Sanchez revealed: “I did it too â€" die happy.”

A third called ‘Dalila from Valencia’ commented: “Ah I think whoever uploaded this is jealous haha.”

Shocking footage recently showed a randy couple brazenly romping in a public swimming pool.

Brazen couple filmed having sex in busy public pool right next to other swimmers

We pay for your stories! Do you have a story for The Sun Online news team? Email us at tips@the-sun.co.uk or call 0207 782 4368


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Female teacher had sex session with student, 16, in seedy motel room while her fiancé was on his STAG NIGHT

AFFAIR IN THE CLASSROOM

Sara Domres, 29, hung her head as she was sentenced to two years in jail

A TEACHER who had sex with her 16-year-old student while her fiancé was on his stag night has been jailed.

Sobbing Sara Domres, 29, hung her head as she was led from court in handcuffs to start her two year sentence.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705414NINTCHDBPICT000287705414>
Sara Domres being led from court after receiving a two year prison sentence

She admitted sex charges after the boy said she slept with him in a £40 motel room on her fiancé’s stag night â€" and asked him if she should go ahead with the wedding, which was in August 2015.

He added Domres took his virginity when he was 16 and had sex with him about 15 times  â€" even sending him selfies on her honeymoon.

According to court documents, the affair started in March, 2015, when Domres texted the teen â€" who was her pupil at New Berlin West High School in Wisconsin, USA.

Passionate messages led to meeting up and eventually sex.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705411NINTCHDBPICT000287705411>

Waukesha County Sheriff's Office

Domres took the boy’s virginity when he was 16 and had sex with him about 15 times

But their 10-month affair ended when her high school sweetheart husband caught them having sex in a restaurant car park, leading to a “verbal confrontation” â€" before he vowed to stand by his new wife.

Police also recovered almost 1,200 texts exchanged by Domres and the pupil.

In one message, the English tutor wrote: “Hopefully you’ve been thinking of me Baby Boo. I should go because he will be home soon. I love you. Be good, think of me and no one else! Ha ha.”

Meanwhile, another text sent just before the motel tryst said: “You’re extremely attractive to me!!! I can’t wait for our night we are doing it no matter what!!!”

NINTCHDBPICT000287705408NINTCHDBPICT000287705408>

Google Earth

New Berlin West High School, where the pair met in Domres’ English class

The pair also swapped handwritten love notes, including one saying: “Please be mine forever & ever. Always, your baby girl. P.S. Good luck on your quiz.”

Domres, who married her school sweetheart in August 2015, was sacked last January after one of the boy’s pals reported their relationship to police.

Waukesha County Circuit Judge Lee Dreyfus said her crimes went “well beyond a mistake in judgement” or a single moment of weakness.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705783NINTCHDBPICT000287705783>

Google Earth

The Motel 6 in Brookfield, Wisconsin, where Domres had sex with the boy while her fiance was on his stag do

He said: “It was to meet your needs, and not those of a child.”

Domres pleaded guilty in August to two counts of sexually assaulting a student and will be on three years probation and a supervision order when she leaves prison.

She is also banned from having contact with the pupil and his family, and must register as a sex offender.


"

| Female | teacher | session | with | student, | seedy | motel | room | while | fiancé | STAG | NIGHT | AFFAIR | CLASSROOM< | span> Sara Domres | hung | head | sentenced | years | jail< | p> < | div> < | div> A | TEACHER | year | student | stag | night has | been | jailed | p> Sobbing | Sara Domres< | span> | from | court | handcuffs | start | sentence | a> < | div> Sara | Domres | being | after | receiving | prison | sentence She | admitted | charges | said | slept | £40 | fiancé’s | night | asked | should | ahead | wedding | which | August | 2015 | p> He | added Domres< | span> took | virginity | when | about | times |  â€" | even | sending | selfies on | honeymoon | p> According | documents | affair | started | March | when Domres < | span>texted | teen | pupil | at New | Berlin | West | High | School | Wisconsin | p> Passionate | messages | meeting | eventually | a> Waukesha | County | Sheriffs | Office< | p> < | div> Domres | took | boy’s | times But | their | month | ended | high | school | sweetheart | husband | caught | them | having | restaurant | park | leading | “verbal | confrontation” | before | vowed | stand | wife | p> Police | also | recovered | almost | texts | exchanged | by Domres< | span> and | p> < | p>SEX | SCANDAL | JAILED< | h3> Teen | romped | sobs | dock | he’s | armed | robbery | house | woman | fling< | span> < | div> < | p>FIRST | TIME | COWBOY | h3> Vile | kept | sick | journal | details | trysts< | RATED< | h3> Teacher | faces | seducing | students | RATING | sexual | performance’< | p>paedo | Behind | bars< | groomed | three | girls | porn | fuelled | fest | wifes | dress | years< | WITH | PUPIL< | schoolboy | daily | basis | getting | pregnant | facing | div> < | div> In | message | English | tutor wrote: | “Hopefully | you’ve | thinking | Baby | because | will | home | soon | love | good | think | else! | ”< | p> Meanwhile | another | text | sent | just | tryst | said: | “You’re | extremely | attractive | me!!! | can’t | wait | doing | matter | what!!!”< | a> Google | Earth< | div> New | where | pair | Domres’ | class The | swapped | handwritten | notes | including | saying: | “Please | mine | forever | & | ever | Always | your | baby | girl | Good | luck | quiz | p> Domres< | married | sacked | last | January | pals | reported | relationship | police | p> Waukesha | Circuit | Judge | Dreyfus | crimes | went | “well | beyond | mistake | judgement” | single | moment | weakness | div> The | Motel | Brookfield | fiance | do He | “It | meet | needs | those | child | p> Domres | pleaded | guilty | counts | sexually | assaulting | probation | supervision | order | leaves | p> She | also< | span> banned | contact | family | must | register | offender | p> We< | span>< | span> pay< | span> for your< | span> stories< | span>! | have | a story< | span> for | Online | news | team | Email | at tips@the | a> or | call | 0207 | 4368< | strong>< | div> < | div> |

Thank So Much for Visiting this News

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Female teacher had sex session with student, 16, in seedy motel room while her fiancé was on his STAG NIGHT

‘WE’LL DO IT NO MATTER WHAT!’

Sara Domres, 29, hung her head as she was sentenced to two years

A TEACHER who had sex with her 16-year-old student while her fiancé was on his stag night has been jailed.

Sobbing Sara Domres, 29, hung her head as she was led from court in handcuffs to start her two year sentence.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705414NINTCHDBPICT000287705414>

Not known

Sara Domres being led from court after receiving a two year prison sentence

She admitted sex charges after the boy said she slept with him in a £40 motel room on her fiancé’s stag night â€" and asked him if she should go ahead with the wedding, which was in August 2015.

He added Domres took his virginity when he was 16 and had sex with him about 15 times  â€" even sending him selfies on her honeymoon.

According to court documents, the affair started in March, 2015, when Domres texted the teen â€" who was her pupil at New Berlin West High School in Wisconsin, USA.

Passionate messages led to meeting up and eventually sex.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705411NINTCHDBPICT000287705411>

Waukesha County Sheriff's Office

Domres took the boy’s virginity when he was 16 and had sex with him about 15 times

But their 10-month affair ended when her high school sweetheart husband caught them having sex in a restaurant car park, leading to a “verbal confrontation” â€" before he vowed to stand by his new wife.

Police also recovered almost 1,200 texts exchanged by Domres and the pupil.

In one message, the English tutor wrote: “Hopefully you’ve been thinking of me Baby Boo. I should go because he will be home soon. I love you. Be good, think of me and no one else! Ha ha.”

Meanwhile, another text sent just before the motel tryst said: “You’re extremely attractive to me!!! I can’t wait for our night we are doing it no matter what!!!”

NINTCHDBPICT000287705408NINTCHDBPICT000287705408>

Google Earth

New Berlin West High School, where the pair met in Domres’ English class

The pair also swapped handwritten love notes, including one saying: “Please be mine forever & ever. Always, your baby girl. P.S. Good luck on your quiz.”

Domres, who married her school sweetheart in August 2015, was sacked last January after one of the boy’s pals reported their relationship to police.

Waukesha County Circuit Judge Lee Dreyfus said her crimes went “well beyond a mistake in judgement” or a single moment of weakness.

NINTCHDBPICT000287705783NINTCHDBPICT000287705783>

Google Earth

The Motel 6 in Brookfield, Wisconsin, where Domres had sex with the boy while her fiance was on his stag do

He said: “It was to meet your needs, and not those of a child.”

Domres pleaded guilty in August to two counts of sexually assaulting a student and will be on three years probation and a supervision order when she leaves prison.

She is also banned from having contact with the pupil and his family, and must register as a sex offender.


"

| Female | teacher | session | with | student, | seedy | motel | room | while | fiancé | STAG | NIGHT | ‘WE’LL | MATTER | WHAT!’< | span> Sara Domres | hung | head | sentenced | years< | p> < | div> < | div> A | TEACHER | year | student | stag | night has | been | jailed | p> Sobbing | Sara Domres< | span> | from | court | handcuffs | start | sentence | a> Not | known< | p> < | div> Sara | Domres | being | after | receiving | prison | sentence She | admitted | charges | said | slept | £40 | fiancé’s | night | asked | should | ahead | wedding | which | August | 2015 | p> He | added Domres< | span> took | virginity | when | about | times |  â€" | even | sending | selfies on | honeymoon | p> According | documents | affair | started | March | when Domres < | span>texted | teen | pupil | at New | Berlin | West | High | School | Wisconsin | p> Passionate | messages | meeting | eventually | a> Waukesha | County | Sheriffs | Office< | div> Domres | took | boy’s | times But | their | month | ended | high | school | sweetheart | husband | caught | them | having | restaurant | park | leading | “verbal | confrontation” | before | vowed | stand | wife | p> Police | also | recovered | almost | texts | exchanged | by Domres< | span> and | p> < | p>SEX | SCANDAL | JAILED< | h3> Teen | romped | sobs | dock | he’s | armed | robbery | house | woman | fling< | span> < | div> < | p>FIRST | TIME | COWBOY | h3> Vile | kept | sick | journal | details | trysts< | RATED< | h3> Teacher | faces | seducing | students | RATING | sexual | performance’< | p>paedo | Behind | bars< | groomed | three | girls | porn | fuelled | fest | wifes | dress | WITH | PUPIL< | schoolboy | daily | basis | getting | pregnant | facing | div> < | div> In | message | English | tutor wrote: | “Hopefully | you’ve | thinking | Baby | because | will | home | soon | love | good | think | else! | ”< | p> Meanwhile | another | text | sent | just | tryst | said: | “You’re | extremely | attractive | me!!! | can’t | wait | doing | matter | what!!!”< | a> Google | Earth< | div> New | where | pair | Domres’ | class The | swapped | handwritten | notes | including | saying: | “Please | mine | forever | & | ever | Always | your | baby | girl | Good | luck | quiz | p> Domres< | married | sacked | last | January | pals | reported | relationship | police | p> Waukesha | Circuit | Judge | Dreyfus | crimes | went | “well | beyond | mistake | judgement” | single | moment | weakness | div> The | Motel | Brookfield | fiance | do He | “It | meet | needs | those | child | p> Domres | pleaded | guilty | counts | sexually | assaulting | years | probation | supervision | order | leaves | p> She | also< | span> banned | contact | family | must | register | offender | p> We< | span>< | span> pay< | span> for your< | span> stories< | span>! | have | a story< | span> for | Online | news | team | Email | at tips@the | a> or | call | 0207 | 4368< | strong>< | div> < | div> |

Thank So Much for Visiting this Article

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Porn, Sex And Marriage: What's OK, And What Isn't? : NPR

Warning: Today's post deals with sexual content and may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Dear Sugar Radio is a weekly podcast from member station WBUR. Hosts Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed offer "radical empathy" and advice on everything from relationships and parenthood to dealing with drug problems or anxiety.

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Dear Sugar Radio | Subscribe Courtesy of WBUR hide caption

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Courtesy of WBUR

Today they're delving into the adult topics of pornography and masturbation. A man says he masturbates regularly while watching pornography but still maintains a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. But he is still "troubled" by the notion that the porn industry is exploitative of performers, and questions whether it is morally acceptable to fantasize about women other than his wife.

To help in their discussion of these topics, the Sugars are joined by Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of The Porn Trap.

Dear Sugars,

Is it bad to masturbate to online porn? I am a happily married man in my mid-50s, and have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. We have a satisfying sex life, having sex approximately once every week.

However, I go online to masturbate to porn about three times a week. I work from home and find that I become sexually turned on during the working day. I look at masturbation as a healthy release. Viewing online porn allows me to accomplish the "task" more quickly and get back to work.

That other purveyor of personal wisdom, Dr. Phil, advises that watching porn is an immoral betrayal of a marital partner and says the women in porn videos are likely to have been abused as children and are being exploited. I have a teenage daughter and avoid videos of young girls, preferring age-appropriate subjects in the so-called "mature" category. I also avoid watching porn up to 24 hours before I am likely to have a date with my wife in order to be able to enjoy and contribute to our sex together.

My wife knows that I look at porn. While we don't discuss it, she doesn't feel that it is a betrayal of her. I look at viewing porn as an extension of masturbation, which I believe is healthy and a necessary release, one that is as private as going to the bathroom. If not for porn, I would still masturbate. I doubt Dr. Phil believes that masturbation is immoral. Is masturbating while fantasizing about someone besides my wife immoral? Assuming that online porn is the problem, is it possible that you can make distinctions?

I know that many of the women on porn sites are probably psychologically damaged in some way, and that the pornography industry may be contributing to that damage. On the other hand, is it possible that accepting money for video sex is not always exploitative? Is it possible that some of the women who perform in online sex videos do it out of a healthy appreciation of sex?

Signed,

Troubled by Porn

Steve Almond: I could have written this letter, and I felt a great sense of sympathy for this guy who's trying to figure out the same questions I struggle with when I bother to even struggle with them: Am I complicit in something that is very clearly against my moral code? In what ways? And what are my other alternatives?

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I think he is in a productive state of bewilderment, and I think most of the men of conscience who consume porn in one way or another are either suppressing this set of questions or are struggling with them. The porn industry is like football or like meat or like fossil fuels â€" it's essentially exploitative. But because I have a libido that operates differently than my wife's, I get horny and I want relief. I lament that I no longer sit there and do the imaginative work of masturbating without porn. There are a lot of people who aren't even grappling with the ways in which pornography is an ethical concern because, frankly, people don't want porn served with a side dish of ethics.

Wendy Maltz: I have a lot of respect for the man who wrote this letter. He's really thinking about his relationship to porn and trying to figure it out. He doesn't have the secrecy and shame element going on that a lot of people have with porn. But there's something happening â€" he's starting to question it. I can't say if his porn use in particular is a good thing or a bad thing. It's so personal. People have ask themselves, "What does porn mean to me? What is it doing to me? Where's it taking me?"

Cheryl Strayed: What do you mean when you say "Where's it taking me?" Do you mean to suggest that, in some ways, his porn use could be robbing his marriage of a sort of intimacy that it might have if he didn't use it?

Wendy: Porn is a very powerful product. It's like nothing we've ever seen before. There's a conditioning process associated with porn. It can become a stronger habit. Our sexual arousal response gets patterned to particular cues, and those cues can be the images in porn or they can be the smell of a lover's neck. Images are very powerful, so porn could be affecting the intimacy he has with his wife in ways he's not even aware of. He says porn is not an issue in his marriage, but he and his wife aren't really talking about its place in their relationship either.

Steve: There's a kind of "don't-ask-don't-tell" policy when it comes to porn in relationships. Pornography, predominantly for men, is a little secret cavern â€" it's a place we go, even if we're in happy, deeply communicative relationships, as it seems this guy is.

Cheryl: Part of my response to this letter is that there's nothing wrong. This guy wants to have an orgasm about four times a week. Presumably, if his wife wanted to have sex more, she would be making advances towards him. And he has a different sex drive than she does, and so he just takes care of himself. He doesn't need to tell his wife. There is such thing as privacy, even when you're married to somebody. Wendy, is this inherently a bad setup, or are you thinking, well clearly, because he's asking these questions, he's not entirely comfortable with it?

Wendy: From a clinical perspective, we're not talking about someone who is disassociated or who uses porn in lieu of sex, but there's something going on for him â€" he signed his letter "Troubled by Porn." One of the things that I wonder about is, why does he use porn a lot while he's working? Is sexual release a way of dealing with stress for him? Maybe he's not feeling as productive or as recognized in his field as he'd like to be? Has porn become a way that he self-soothes? And if so, is that at the expense of learning other ways to take care of himself â€" reaching out to a real person or going for a run?

The other thing is his age. Being a man in his mid-50s, it can take a little longer to get sexually aroused. The erections aren't as firm. Sex can become a little bit more laborious in terms of functioning, but under usual circumstances, that's offset by really good communication with a partner you've been with for years.

Cheryl: Or by a sense of humor â€" that sex doesn't have to be a performance. It doesn't always have to equal orgasm. It's a sensual exchange of pleasure and communication.

Wendy: And there's this wonderful growth that a couple can have. I've been married for nearly 40 years now, but I had a rough beginning as a sexual person. I've now experienced what it's like to be in a long-term relationship where you don't have a heavy influence of porn and where you can really work with your partner and learn with your partner and grow with your partner sexually. I think a lot of couples are missing out on that growth.

Steve: Troubled by Porn, you've reached a moment where you have to ask yourself, "What is the meaning of porn for me? And if I'm unsettled, do I need to start having the difficult, but necessary, discussion with my wife to say, 'I feel greater desire and I want it to be toward you. I want to find a better balance between my porn use and our sex life together.' "

You can get more advice from the Sugars each week on >Dear Sugar Radio from WBUR. Listen to the full episode to hear more about how porn can affect relationships.

Have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugarradio@gmail.com and it may be answered on a future episode.

You can also listen to Dear Sugar Radio on >iTunes, >Stitcher or your favorite podcast app.

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