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Friday, December 9, 2016

How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

11:00 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husbandâ€™s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that heâ€™s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

â€œThis is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.â€

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

â€œMen are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: â€˜Iâ€™d like more sex in this relationship.â€™ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, â€˜Sex?â€™ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if youâ€™re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.â€

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

â€œThe first step wonâ€™t be sex. Itâ€™ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure youâ€™re having those adult Âconvos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why heâ€™s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how youâ€™re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.â€

â€"Katharine Oâ€™Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

â€œWhat a great problem to have! Itâ€™s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesnâ€™t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the childrenâ€™s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"itâ€™s survival mode. I know that youâ€™re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, heâ€™ll come back. You have things the baby doesnâ€™t!â€

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

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Birth Control Affects Your Sex Drive, According to Study

9:30 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

There are lots of different birth control choices, from the pill to IUDs to the implant. Some of them are hormonal, and even the kinds of hormones in each kind is different. People choose one kind over another for a ton of different reasons, and sex is often one of them. What you might not know, though, is the type of birth control you choose could affect what kind of sex you have.

According to a study published in the journal Evolution & Human Behavior, researchers found that the varying hormones in your birth control can contribute to when you want to have sex with a partner.

Hormonal birth control most often uses either estrogen, progesterone or a combination of both to prevent pregnancy. The study found people who use hormonal birth control higher in progesterone have more sex when they're in committed, loyal relationships, while people on birth control higher in estrogen are more likely to have sex when they're not so committed to their partner.

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Beyond just being an interesting tidbit of information, and a kind of crystal ball for your sex life, this study actually tells us something really amazing. Researchers only took intercourse into account, not other sexual acts like masturbation, so the findings show that sex serves much more purpose for women than just getting pregnant. This might sound obvious, but with so many questions about why the female orgasm exists, any study that affirms women enjoy sex and feel pleasure from it is something we're all about.

"We're talking about intercourse here, not other types of sex like oral sex, masturbation and such. This strengthens the idea that sex outside the ovulation phase has a function besides just pleasure," Trond Viggo GrÃ¸ntvedt, one of the researchers, said in a news release about the study.

So if you're sexually active with a partner and on birth control, see if the study was right. But either way, know that it's allowing you to enjoy the pleasure your body is set up to feel. It's a win no matter how you look at it.

Now, learn five healthy ways to treat your body this weekend:

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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Cherokee Nation OKs same-sex marriage

5:00 PM Bilal Muazin No comments

Story highlights

Brittany Nunley and Kelli King were surprised and pleased with the opinion
Cherokee Nation law enacted in 2004 has banned same-sex marriage

A ban on same-sex marriage involving members of the Cherokee Nation was overturned by the tribe's attorney general in an opinion issued Friday.

King called her girlfriend, Brittany Nunley, who is Cherokee and shared the good news.

"I think its awesome," Nunley told CNN. "I have been really proud of my Cherokee heritage and to be able to get a marriage license is just awesome."

King, who said the couple met at a church softball game about four and half years ago, said she was excited to hear about the ruling.

"This is just another way we can incorporate her heritage into our lives and are thankful for opportunity," King said.

Attorney General Todd Hembree's opinion specifically says two sections of the 2004 Cherokee Nation Marriage and Family Act are unconstitutional.

He said the tribe's constitution protects certain fundamental rights, among them the right to marry.

"The constitution affords these rights to all Cherokee citizens, regardless of sexual orientation and the Cherokee Nation, or any subdivision, must recognize validly issued civil unions, same-sex marriages, and same-sex domestic partnerships from other jurisdictions," the opinion says.

The US Supreme Court ruled by a 5-4 vote in June 2015 that states cannot ban same-sex marriage.

Nunley said after it became legal in Oklahoma in 2014 and then nationwide through the landmark Supreme Court decision, she wondered whether the Cherokee Nation would also reverse itself.

"I was really excited and really proud to be a Cherokee. Like my nation is doing something for all its people," she said from her home in Locust Grove, about 20 minutes from the tribe's headquarters in Tahlequah.

Marriage is definitely in their future, King said. It's been discussed in the past but they wanted to wait for it to be legal.

"It's probably not too far off now," she said.

Nunley said she's just waiting for someone to pop the question.

The man who was chief in 2004 told the Tulsa World newspaper that he supported Hembree's opinion.

"It was adhering to past Cherokee law," Chad Smith said, explaining why he signed the law 12 years ago. "But our constitution incorporates the provisions of the US Constitution, and the Supreme Court (of the United States) has since made its ruling."

A member of the tribal council disagreed with the decision and told the newspaper that he expected the council would still support the 2004 law.

"We'll have to get together and talk about it," Don Garvin told the newspaper.

The Cherokee Nation website says that with more than 317,000 citizens, it is the largest sovereign tribal nation in the United States.

CNN's Mayra Cuevas contributed to this report.

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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Yes, Sex Robots Are a Thing and Here's Everything You Want to Know

1:57 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

Sex robots may be all over science fiction, but our real sexy-AI future is probably closer than you thought.

As 2016 comes to a close, it's worthwhile to ask where we're at, sex robot-wise, as we move into the new yearâ€"and the answer depends on what kind of sex robot you're looking for. First, there are the "escort" services in Japan and South Korea that let people rent out technologically-advanced sex dolls. Though we already knew about American artist Matt McMullen's "RealDolls,", lifelike sex dolls that can be modeled after real people (like the one Ryan Gosling fell in love with in Lars and the Real Girl), he's currently adding artificial intelligence so they can talk to their human companions. And engineer Douglas Hines invented a robot named Roxxxy, which (or is it who?) responds verbally to touch and can talk about the news.

Thankfully, it doesn't look like sexbots are in danger of replacing human partnersâ€"at least for now. According to a survey by Tufts University researchers, most people agree that having sex with a robot is more like using a sex toy than sleeping with a person. But even when sex is taken off the table, our artificial friends could have some other interesting uses in the future.

We asked sexual biotechnology researcher Nicole Prause, PhD, if what's available now really counts as a sex robot and what we can expect in the future.

Would it be fair to say that sex robots already exist?

Nicole Prause: Sure, at the most basic level, sex robots already exist. There are machines to "auto-extract" ejaculate both for fertility and pleasure purposes already. They are not responsive to human preference or feedback, but the mechanics already exist. Responsive characters already exist, tooâ€"they just have to limit your requests of them because they are not very flexible.

What are the most advanced sex robots we have right now?

NP: The most advanced robots in terms of their intelligence do not exist in sex. The most advanced development I have seen for emotional tasks is for automated therapy, such as for PTSD. Studies are being conducted showing that, while people do not ascribe actual human qualities (they do not believe the robot has come to life), they will disclose more emotional content to a robot therapist than to a human therapist. These advances are occurring in collaborations between research psychologists and computer scientists.

What do you think the most advanced sex robots will look like in 10 years, then?

NP: Sex robots in 10 years are likely to be increasingly able to detect sexual movements (e.g., being touched on the nipple and how hard), but so little is known about "typical" sexual interactionsâ€"how many people desire or respond to nipple stimulation and what is optimal pressureâ€"that it will be very difficult to develop accurate "off-the-shelf" robots. The advances are most likely to come with learning algorithms developed for other, non-sexual purposes. The necessity of advanced computing to integrate the information from the periphery (nipple, vulva, et cetera) and the stigma of working in this area suggest sexually-focused robots will not receive attention from the best scientists until sometime far after others have developed related capabilities. I am not optimistic we will see much in 10 years.

Do you see any potential uses for them beyond entertainment?

NP: People can remain aware of the robot as a robot and still have true emotional experiences themselves, and I do not see why sexual experiences would be different in this respect. Much like sex films, which adults overwhelmingly recognize as fantasy, I believe robots will be a useful tool for some people beyond entertainment alone.

What positive effects do you think they could have on our lives?

NP: Robots could be very useful in situations where partner access is not available. For example, therapy to overcome sexual abuse might feel safer to start with a well-controlled, programmed, non-judgemental partner. Those who have difficulty attracting partners, due to mental illness, different physical appearance, or simple disinterest, might choose to enjoy sexual activity with robots. Established romantic relationships could include a robot to increase their sexual breadth. Robots also might serve in a discharge capacityâ€"directing illegal sexual behaviors towards the robot instead of a human.

What negative effects could they have?

NP: The biggest likely negative effect is the technology backlash that always occurs in sexuality: people will be shamed for sexual behaviors with robots. They will be made to feel they are broken, maladjusted, or otherwise lesser. In other words, the most likely negative effects are from the social response to sex robots, not the robots themselves. They also might present a challenge for individuals with social anxiety, who otherwise might be motivated to improve their social interactions out of a desire to attract a sexual partner, have a family, and so on. Of course, any device could carry some basic risk of injury, but I trust those to be minimized, as safety will be in mind with development.

This is likely to mimic what we have seen with sex films: a tiny minority of people who view sex films report having problems with them, while society loses its collective shit with conservative panic about imagined problem. "Loses its collective shit" being a super-professional opinion.

If we want to get an idea of what sex robots could be like one day, do any sci-fi movies actually do a good job depicting them?

NP: No. Movies with sexbots always present them as far more advanced than I can imagine them being in 50 years, much less 10, in terms of emotional simulations. Repetitive sexual movements I expect to become much more realistic more rapidly than the interaction.

Would it be possible for people to one day fall in love with robots?

NP: As with sex films, there will be a tiny minority of people who fail to distinguish reality with robots. I hope we focus on this education rather than demonizing the technology.

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Hundreds of police in England and Wales accused of sexual abuse | UK news

7:01 AM Bilal Muazin No comments

Hundreds of police officers are being accused of sexually abusing victims and suspects in what a senior police watchdog has called â€œthe most serious corruption issue facing the serviceâ€.

Forces across England and Wales received 436 allegations of abuse of power for sexual gain against 306 police officers, 20 police community support officers and eight staff in the two years to March but inspectors believe the problem is even more prevalent than the numbers suggest.

Despite the large numbers, there is evidence that only 40 officers or staff have been dismissed for abusing authority for sexual gain in a similar period.

Vulnerable individuals, including domestic abuse victims, alcohol and drug addicts, sex workers and arrested suspects were among those targeted by officers and staff, Her Majestyâ€™s Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC) said.

Victim groups have said the findings are â€œdeeply concerningâ€ and involved some of the most vulnerable people in society.

Mike Cunningham, inspector of constabulary and former chief constable of Staffordshire police, said: â€œThis is the most serious corruption issue facing the service. What can be worse than a guardian abusing the trust and confidence of an abused person? There can be no greater violation of public trust.â€

â€œIt is probably more likely the problem is more serious than the numbers reported back to us,â€ he added.

â€œIn many cases the victims are vulnerable people. They are victims of domestic abuse, theyâ€™re victims who might have been arrested and they have drug or alcohol dependency. It is an exploitation of power where the guardian becomes the abuser.â€

One of the most high-profile cases of police officers abusing their power in recent history was that of Stephen Mitchell, who was jailed for life in 2011 for raping and sexually assaulting vulnerable women he had arrested.

Mitchell, who was a constable with Northumbria police, abused heroin addicts, shoplifters and a disabled teenager by offering them help while in custody, then demanding sexual favours afterwards.

Earlier this year, DS Robert Dawson, a Metropolitan police officer who had sex with a vulnerable alleged rape victim, was formally dismissed from the force. A tribunal heard that in 2010, while investigating an allegation of serious sexual assault, Dawson engaged in an inappropriate sexual relationship with the victim.

PC Simon Salway, who had sex with vulnerable witnesses and victims of crime, and fathered a child with one of the women he exploited, was found guilty of six charges of misconduct in a public office at Luton crown court last year.

HMIC found that more than a third (39%) of the allegations of abuse of authority for sexual gain involved victims of domestic abuse. As part of its research the inspectorate carried out an online survey of domestic abuse practitioners between July and August. Sixty-eight practitioners (16%) of the 414 who took part said victims of domestic abuse had disclosed that an officer or member of police staff had abused their authority to exploit them or develop an inappropriate relationship with them.

The chief executive of the domestic violence charity Refuge, Sandra Horley, said: â€œWidespread reports of police officers exploiting women for sexual gain â€¦ are horrific â€" but unsurprising.

â€œRefuge is glad HMICâ€™s report has shone a light on this issue, following a consultation with domestic violence practitioners including our frontline staff. The police are meant to protect the public from harm; how can women be expected to report their abuse, if they fear the police will abuse them all over again? Women have the right to safety and protection.

â€œRefuge commends the work HMIC has already done in improving the police response to domestic violence; we hope this report will mean an end to what is an appalling abuse of power.â€

Mark Castle, chief executive of the independent charity Victim Support, said: â€œThese allegations are deeply concerning. The victims involved are some of the most vulnerable people in our society, who have been exploited by the people they should be able to trust the most, the police.

â€œIn order to maintain public confidence in the police itâ€™s critical that forces recognise this behaviour as the serious corruption that it is and report all cases to the IPCC to ensure that they are thoroughly and robustly investigated.â€

The HMIC findings formed part of a broader inspection of police legitimacy, which concluded victimsâ€™ satisfaction with the way they were treated by police remained high. The investigation was ordered by the then home secretary, Theresa May.

But the inspectorate said forces still needed to become more proactive in rooting out officers and staff abusing power for sexual gain. This could involve profiling officers to single out those who might be likely to commit such abuse.

Cunningham said one of the reasons the inspectorate believed the figures belied a greater problem was that forces in England and Wales did not have a consistent and coherent approach to tackling the problem.

Not all forces class the abuse of authority for sexual gain as a serious corruption issue, which HMIC says they should. This would mean any allegation would be automatically referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) for investigation.

HMIC was only able to find 40 cases on the national disapproved register in which officers or staff were dismissed for abusing power for sexual gain during the period in which more than 400 allegations were received.

â€œWhatâ€™s less clear is whatâ€™s happening with those allegations, how those allegations are being pursued, how they translate into gross misconduct hearings and sackings,â€ Cunningham said.

HMIC said the problem remained despite recommendations in a 2012 IPCC report on the issue, which appear to have not been acted on.

In her speech to the Police Federation conference earlier this year, May said: â€œWe know of officers who develop inappropriate relationships with victims of domestic abuse. They have ignored their professional duty and their moral responsibility, and instead abused their position of power to exploit victims. We do not know the true scale of this, but everyone in this room will know it goes on far more than we might care to admit.â€

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