How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husband’s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

“This is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.”

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

“Men are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.”

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

“The first step won’t be sex. It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those adult ­convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.”

â€"Katharine O’Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

“What a great problem to have! It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!”

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

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| Back | Having | After | Pregnancy | div> PHOTO: | Getty | Images< | p> < | div> My | husband’s | been | totally | focused | baby | since | born< | months | love | that | he’s | great | have | parenting | routine | could | little | more | loving | myself | bring | back | romance | â€"K | Boston< | em>< | span>< | p> “This | super | common | issue< | strong>â€"we | hear | about | from | women | even | takes | while | come | table | after | Talk | with | your | husband | what | both | need | available | Kissing | Cuddling | Nothing | Just | step | nothing | where | probably | several | overwhelming | Also | mind | date | night | expectations | terrible | idea; | just | adds | pressure | something | relaxing | feels | really | authentic | good | ”< | p> â€"Lindsay | Chrisler | dating | relationship | coach | York | City< | p> “Men | simple | want | tell | strong> | Not: | ‘I’d | like | this | shoot | text | says | ‘Sex | declines | make | pick | time | maybe | redefine | constitutes | expect | carriage | ride | before | busy | might | pass | you’re | most | married | couples | minutes | door | locks | Figure | works | figure | together | p> â€"James | Breakwell | comedy | writer | father | four< | p> “The | first | won’t | It’ll | reconnecting | couple | Think | baby: | What | talk | Make | sure | having | those | adult | ­convos | doing | activities | There | possibilities | acting | differently | Seeing | vagina | during | delivery | traumatic | fatigued | child | care | afraid | getting | pregnant | again | These | holdups | tend | temporary | delve | into | feeling | listen | validateâ€"the | physical | stuff | follows | p> â€"Katharine | O’Connell | White | p> “What | problem | have!< | It’s | based | look | place | gratitude: | many | fathers | struggle | connect | their | babies | doesn’t | experience | healthiest | families | made | take | each | other | then | children’s | needs | year | bets | offâ€"it’s | survival | mode | know | hurt | scared | things | will | never | normal | trust | he’ll | doesn’t!”< | p> â€"Glennon | Doyle | Melton | author | Love | Warrior< | p> More | partners:< | strong>< | p> < | div> |

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Is sex addiction real? Maybe not, therapists say

Young couple kissing.(Photo: fotografixx, Getty Images)

Claiming a sex addiction may be a go-to for misbehaving celebrities and politicians, but from a science perspective there isn't enough study to prove sex addiction is real, according to a professional organization of sex educators and therapists.

There is not enough empirical evidence to classify sex addiction or porn addiction as a mental disorder, the The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) said in a statement to members last week. The organization said that current sex addiction therapy and counseling is not adequately informed by human sexuality and thus not supported as a standard practice by the organization.

While the organization is in no way saying that people don’t experience real physical, psychological and health consequences from their sexual urges, sex addiction is an “oversimplification of a complex area of human sexual behavior,” Douglas Braun-Harvey, a sexual health author and psychotherapist, said in a statement Dec.9.

“I think the most important thing to remember is that there are people who are suffering from their sexual behavior being out of control, but what ends up happening is that the suffering, the fear and the consequences it brings to their careers and families get prematurely and very quickly labeled sex addiction,” said Braun-Harvey, who is one of the authors of the AASECT statement.

>

USA TODAY

Q & A: Is Anthony Weiner a sex addict?

AASECT certification is needed in many states to become a sexual counselor, according to the organization’s website. So the organization’s stance on sex addiction sends an important message, especially at a time when sex addiction therapy is constantly in the headlines.

In early November, former politician Anthony Weiner was spotted riding a horse at a treatment facility that offers equine therapy for sex addiction, AP reported.  And a quick Google search shows sex addiction therapists and treatment facilities are plentiful.

Joseph Burgo, a clinical psychologist, and author of >The Narcissist You Know told USA TODAY in August that sex addiction is controversial for a number of reasons.

"When it's something like alcohol you are addicted to or drugs, that's one thing, but when it's food or sex, those are normal human needs, so it's more controversial," he said, adding that little research has been done on sex addiction.

"Addiction implies a biochemical basis, and there are not sufficient studies to demonstrate that," Burgo said.

Follow Mary Bowerman on Twitter: @MaryBowerman 

Read or Share this story: http://usat.ly/2h55WIi

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How do I moveinto a kiss with my girlfriend?

Q. I want to kiss my girlfriend, it'll be my first kiss, and our 2nd date. I'm positive she wants to kiss me too, but I think she wants me to do it. We are going to a water park, and I was thinking of doing it when we are close to leaving, and sitting down. Thanks in advance

(Also, please no "It'll come naturally", I know that, i'm not planning it, just HOW to do it.)

A. just kiss her! :D whenever you want! maybe on a ride just for two and you are alone with her! instead of sitting down, after you hug or something, just kiss her after the hug. just come out from the hug and look her in the eyes, then close your eyes, and kiss her! right after the hug. :) good luck!!!

Original Question

How do i get my girlfriend to kiss me at the movies?

Q. I want to kiss my girlfriend and i know she wants to kiss me and we have a date at the movies on friday. So what do i do to make her kiss me? Do i just wait until she looks at me and do i lean in?

A. just kiss her when u want to. she'll like it.

Original Question

How do I get my girlfriend to kiss for a little longer?

Q. When I get to kiss my girlfriend, its always a quick kiss for maybe half a second. I want to know how to get to kiss her for just a little longer. So what should I do to hold on for like an extra second?

A. Here's a few:
-put your foreheads together after the kiss
-hold her really close to you
-rub her back a little bit, gently

just know that she might not be ready. Everyone is a little different here, so just respect her boundaries if you can't get her to kiss more with you yet :)

Original Question

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The crowd-pleaser: What is the most popular sex position?

This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

> Defining sex is easy, but having it is slightly more complicated â€" namely, because there are a lot of different ways to get it on. But is there a crowd favorite out there?

According to Dr. Ed, there is. In a survey of 2,000 people in the United States and the United Kingdom, the team at Dr. Ed found that more people prefer doggy style to any other position. According to their experts, doggy style “allows for deeper penetration,” making the G-spot easier to reach. Perhaps that’s why over 35 percent of respondents tagged it as their go-to favorite. Missionary came in second, with cowgirl following close behind.

Other popular positions included holding legs up, spooning and reverse cowgirl. The 69 position also made it onto the list, a rather unsurprising finding. Research suggests oral sex is one of the most reliable means by which women can achieve orgasm.

But while both men and women agreed that doggy style was the most enjoyable way to have sex, they weren’t able to see eye-to-eye in all areas. Men ranked anal sex as the ninth most pleasurable position, while it didn’t even make it into the top 10 list for women. (Some research has shown that anal sex is becoming more popular among some women.)

Sexual orientation didn’t seem to influence the respondents’ preferences in any significant way. Straight, bisexual and gay participants all ranked doggy style as their favorite position.

Curiosity about certain sexual positions spanned the spectrum of sexual orientation. All respondents were equally curious about the tabletop position (in which one partner sits on the edge of a table while the other penetrates them while standing up). The 69 position while standing up was another popular pick on the wish list.

Apparently, most of the guys learned about these stunts online. Fifty-three percent of men surveyed said they picked up their sex moves from porn. Women, on the other hand, said they learned about their favorite sex positions from a real-life partner.

But maybe there’s something about watching all that online smut that makes one a little bit more adventurous. Over 75 percent of men said they were the ones to initiate a new position. Fifty-nine percent of women admitted that their partners were the ones wanting to mix it up.

But as they say, in life, there is no pleasure without pain. Nearly 38 percent of men said the thing that scared them most about sex was the possibility of hurting their partner â€" not exactly a huge surprise, given the number interested in anal sex. Less than 9 percent listed hurting themselves as a concern (they must have missed our article on broken penises). Women were more worried about not being able to sufficiently please their partner. Over 31 percent were worried about not being flexible enough in bed.

Check out the rest of the survey results.

"

| crowd-pleaser: | What | most | popular | position? | This | article | originally | appeared | AlterNet< | em>< | p> < | div> < | Defining | easy | having | slightly | more | complicated | namely | because | there | different | ways | crowd | favorite | p> According | survey | people | United | States | Kingdom | team | found | that | prefer | doggy | style< | a> to | other | position | According | their | experts | style | “allows | deeper | penetration | making | spot | easier | reach | Perhaps | that’s | over | percent | respondents | tagged | Missionary | came | second | with | cowgirl | following | close | behind | p> Other | positions | included | holding | legs | spooning | reverse | also | made | onto | list | rather | unsurprising | finding | Research | suggests oral | sex< | reliable | means | which | women | achieve | orgasm | p> But | while | both | agreed | enjoyable | have | they | weren’t | able | areas | ranked | anal | ninth | pleasurable | didn’t | even | make | into | (Some | research | shown | becoming | among | some women< | p> Sexual | orientation | seem | influence | respondents’ | preferences | significant | Straight | bisexual | participants | p> Curiosity | about | certain | sexual | spanned | spectrum | were | equally | curious | tabletop | partner | sits | edge | table | penetrates | them | standing | another | pick | wish | p> Apparently | guys | learned | these | stunts | online | Fifty | three | surveyed | said | picked | moves | from | porn | Women | hand | real | life | maybe | there’s | something | watching | smut | makes | little | adventurous | Over | ones | initiate | nine | admitted | partners | wanting | pleasure | without | pain | Nearly | thing | scared | possibility | hurting | exactly | huge | surprise | given | number | interested | Less | than | listed | themselves | concern | (they | must | missed | broken | penises< | worried | being | sufficiently | please | flexible | enough | p> Check | rest | the survey | results< | div> < |

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They’ll only have sex with smart people

Are you the smartest person in the bedroom? If so, you may be sapiosexual, and wasting time by going after hotties who think string theory has something to do with choosing Oxford-style shoes over loafers. According to Vice, sapiosexuals are indulging in the hot fetish of the moment: viewing intelligence as the topmost turn-on.

The term, coined by a live-blogger who calls himself wolfieboy, just might make it into the next edition of Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Regardless, it already qualifies as a descriptor on OkCupid and inspired a Tinder-esque dating app for smart people, called, appropriately enough, Sapio. The fact that the big complaint about Sapio is a lack of participants maybe reflects the selectivity of those who embrace this sexual preference.

But with the growing desirability of Silicon Valley nerds, it seems that sapiosexuality is on the rise. “What were once fringe interests reserved for the stereotypically introverted, intellectual, ‘nerds’ of the world â€" comic books, characters, and comic-inspired films and TV shows, sci-fi and fantasy like the ‘Star Trek’ reboots and ‘Game of Thrones’ â€" are now essential features of 21st-century American culture,” Lora Adair, a professor of evolutionary psychology at Lyon College, told Vice. Her point being that the pursuit of classically geeky interests now comes with cachet.

For those who want to appeal to sapiosexuals, the website New Love Times offers a few tips that go beyond turning public libraries into pickup spots. It suggests that revealing some ignorance is an aphrodisiac for potential partners who enjoy showing their intelligence, flying your nerd-flag proudly can be alluring, and unconventional dating spots â€" adventurous ethnic food will trump a steak every time â€" may seal the deal. Also: Make sure you’re pronouncing words properly and using correct grammar.

While there has been some blowback â€" sapiosexual doubters describe it as pretentious, exclusionary and not even worthy of its own distinction â€" blogger Hazel Leese clearly prefers brains to brawn. “If a man uses a word I’ve never heard before, my attraction radar surges to Defcon 1,” she writes. “Likewise if he uses somewhat poetic, non-standard language, my brain enters orgasmatron mode. Long [and] complicated words, beautiful poetry, technical phrases that I don’t understand are all tantamount to talking dirty to me. In other words, I like big words and I cannot lie.”

Additionally, we presume, when giving brainy dudes her phone number, she doesn’t need to find pen and paper. They’re smart enough to commit 10 digits to memory.

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Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

Suggest a correction

"

| Post-Election, | Survivors | Assault | Struggling | Have | Again | After | infamous | recording | President | elect | Donald | Trump | bragging | about | grabbing | women | pussy< | came | Anna* | went | Facebook | page | share | story | high | school | been | raped | boyfriend | that | moment | wanted | people | know | p> “I | didn’t | anyone’s | name | just | said | domestic | violence | sexual | assault | survivor | bothered | much | what | Anna | told | Huffington | Post | “I | this | not< | locker | room | talk | This | happens | happened | ”< | p> After | posting |  Anna | felt | great | heard | from | several | shared | their | stories | helped | connect | them | resources | then | reached | saying | going | same | threatening | accusers | unsettling | parallel | could | quite | wrap | head | around | anxious | election | over | kept | wanting | think | wouldn’t | elected | nation | would | kind | thing | isn’t | Since | Trump’s | tailspin | week | half | couldn’t | sleep | still | hasn’t | really | able | intimate | with | husband | p> “Since | comment | we’ve | only | couple | times | adding | meet | doctor | options | don’t | want | feel | ” < | p> < | div> I | gotten | point | where | taken | power | back | rapist | like | American | telling | more | span> | span>< | blockquote> The | 2016 | presidential | campaign | difficult | many | especially | those | triggered | called | “locker | string | allegations< | he’d | groped | kissed | without | consent | they | even | reminder | everything | they’ve | through | minimizing | left | lives | shambles | p> “It | resurfaced | past | trauma | experienced | seven | years | when | sexually | assaulted | ‘No | ’”< | p> Prior | every | other | having | maybe | once | nothing | When | have | feels | less | enthusiastic | p> “I’m | comfortable | letting | myself | right | p> It | hardly | surprising | reaction | says | Wendy | Maltz | therapist | author | Sexual | Healing | Journey: | Guide | Abuse | em>< | p> “Here | unprecedented | situation | person | identified | perpetrator | elevated | highest | position | country | “For | [people] | who’ve | abused | it’s | huge | shock | p> Trump’s | broader | triggering | effect | well | documented | Soon | after | “grab | pussy” | tape |  RAINN< | a> ― the | nonprofit | runs | National | Hotline | call | traffic | increase | percent< | during | therapists | signed | “manifesto” | detailing | psychological | toll | believed | taking | patients | anxiety | fear | shame | Politico | reports< | works | survivors | abuse | Slate< | she’d | seen | uptick | calling | emergency | counseling | sessions | experiencing | flashbacks | inability | outside | div> When | look | visceral | someone | actually | Jamie* | blockquote> But | behavior | It’s | feeling | Americans | simply | care | enough | experiences | vote | against | aggressor | made | challenging | again | trusted | partners | points | research | found< | “institutional | betrayal” | student | reports | university | fails | provide | backup | exacerbate | leading | further | depression | problems | p> “Those | results | suggest | institutions | cause | additional | harm | form | effects | Women | traumatized | added | They | project | feelings | onto | else | such | partner | himself | p> That’s | exactly | happening | date | p> “When | “It | into | hole | live | four | since | appetite | p> Jamie | understands | course | can’t | shake | violated | some | p> “I’ve | never | looking | stranger | Jamie | hopeful | will | resume | life | soon | thought | seeing | face | worries | Dirty | Muddy | victimized | p> * | First | names | changed | privacy | reasons | strong>< | div> | Suggest | correction< | div> |

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Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

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