Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

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Husband asks Mumsnet for advice on reviving his dwindling sex life

Who would you turn to if you were dissatisfied with your sex life?

One desperate husband asked Mumsnet for advice after he and his wife went from having sex twice a week to just once every six months after starting a family.

But some women were less than sympathetic towards the new father, who asked the mothers' forum how to broach the subject with his wife, with one telling him: 'You're not owed sex just because you want it.'

Scroll down for video 

The man turned to Mumsnet for advice on broaching the subject of more sex with his wife

PseudoDad said he and his wife have only had sex five times since their son was conceived almost two-and-a-half years ago - they used to have sex twice a week

User PseudoDad wrote on the site: 'Since our son was conceived 2 1/2 years ago we have had sex just 5 times. 

'Prior to this, we weren't at it like rabbits but I was very happy with twice a week.'

He said he wanted to broach the subject in a way that respected his 'wonderful' wife of six years, and asked: 'When is enough enough?'

His post received hundreds of replies, with women suggesting he do more housework, consider counselling, or simply 'accept that she might just not be interested right now'.

User AndShes Gone told the man it sounded as though he wasn't listening to his wife

Mumsnet user monkeysox was the first to reply when she asked him whether he was doing enough housework.  

PseudoDad replied to insist he does his share, but another mum told him to 'accept that she might just not be interested right now and you have to grit your teeth until she feels she wants it again.

'You're not owed sex just because you want it,' said BravoPanda. 

Another wrote: 'You're not listening. Sex is an action between 2 people. It's not you "giving her a break" or "waiting" for a year. And your "charm offensive" sounds fake or worse manipulative.'

Things began to cool down when a woman told the father that she could tell he was asking a 'genuine' question and admitted she'd struggle in his situation too

Mumsnet user Boundaries said: 'You can decide the relationship isn't for you, but the way you're talking? I'm not surprised your wife is backing off.' 

But others had a more sympathetic response to his dilemma, with one user writing: 'I can tell you're asking a genuine question and you want this to work out well.'

Ilovetorrentialrain suggested he pursue counselling or sex therapy.  

IcecreamRocks then said that despite not having the answer, they understood how he felt 

Honeylulu agreed the man was getting a 'hard time', adding that 'sex is the glue that binds a relationship together. 

'That intimacy is a form of communication that will not (or should not) be present in any other relationships you have.'  

"

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Cherokee Nation Will Now Recognize Same-Sex Marriage

The Cherokee Nation will now recognize same-sex marriage, according to an opinion issued Friday by the tribe’s attorney general.

Todd Hembree, the tribe’s attorney general, wrote in his opinion:

The right to marry without the freedom to marry the person of one’s choice is no right at all. The history of perpetual partnerships and marriage among Cherokees supports the conclusion that Cherokee citizens have a fundamental right not only to choose a spouse but also, with mutual consent, to join together and form a household irrespective of sexual orientation.

The decision followed a request made by the tribe’s tax commissioner for an official opinion on the issue a few weeks ago.

“We were increasingly being contacted by departments in the Cherokee Nation on how to handle certain issues with same-sex marriage,” Chrissi Nimmo, assistant attorney general of the Cherokee Nation, told The Huffington Post on Friday.

Native American nations are governed by Congress, not the federal courts. So the 2015 Supreme Court decision to recognize gay marriage in all 50 states did not legally affect the Cherokee Nation, but Nimmo said the bulk of Friday’s decision was indeed informed by it.

Hembree’s decision was also influenced by historical Cherokee Nation sexuality narratives. He wrote in Friday’s decision:

Our oral history teaches us also that the Cherokee and Euro-American worldviews differed dramatically regarding appropriate gender roles, marriage, sexuality, and spiritual beliefs. Indeed, while the majority of Cherokees subscribed to the traditional gender roles, evidence suggests a tradition of homosexuality or alternative sexuality among a minority of Cherokees.

“It think it’s a really interesting part of the decision,” Nimmo told HuffPost. “Through historical research, we were able to identify research sources that indicate there was some type of historical recognition of homosexuality.”

Hembree’s opinion nullifies a law the tribe passed 12 years ago called the Cherokee Nation and Family Protection Act, which banned same-sex marriage among tribe members. 

Though same-sex marriage is still illegal in some Native American tribes, like the Navajo Nation, Nimmo believes most tribes don’t take a stance on it either way. 

“I think you will see a mixed reaction [to Friday’s decision] like you do in the American public at large,” Nimmo told HuffPost. “Without a doubt, there will be tribal members and officials who support this and are proud of this, and there will be others ... who don’t like it.”

The Cherokee Nation’s legal recognition of same-sex marriage will take effect immediately. Nimmo said Hembree’s decision is “binding and considered legally valid,” though it can be challenged by other Cherokee officials at any time.

“I don’t really know who would challenge it,” Nimmo added.

Supporters of the decision shared their excitement on social media:

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Why Arkansas same-sex parents won't be listed on a child's birth certificate

Arkansas same-sex parents will not be listed on their children’s birth certificates, the state’s highest court ruled on Thursday. The decision has raised questions about equal protection, and the state may still change its approach.

The ruling by a four-member majority of the Arkansas Supreme Court determined that only biological parents can be listed on a child’s birth certificate. It overturns last year’s decision by a lower court that married same-sex couples could automatically have both spouses listed as parents. 

For the state Supreme Court, it’s simply a question of biology. At the same time, marriage allows different-sex couples to be listed as parents, and the US Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage may mean that now applies to same-sex couples too. And the debate is complicated by state laws that require parentage to be tracked.

“It is clear that including both married spouses’ names â€" regardless of whether they are same-sex or opposite sex â€" on a child’s birth certificate is exactly the kind of benefit of marriage that the U.S. Supreme Court ruled should be extended to same-sex couples,” Kate Oakley, senior legislative counsel for the Human Rights Campaign, said in a press release.

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That was the approach taken by Little Rock Circuit Judge Tim Fox in December 2015. Three same-sex couples brought a case arguing that the legalization of same-sex marriage gave same-sex parents the same rights to be identified as parents on their children’s birth certificates that different-sex parents already enjoyed. 

For parents, being named on a child’s birth certificate is important for all kinds of reasons, as LGBT news source The Advocate described. Without this legitimization, parents may struggle to put children on their health insurance or even pick them up from school.

When they won their suit, the three couples were granted the right to list the names of both partners on the birth certificates. But the state appealed the decision on the grounds that it was causing legal and logistical problems. Several days after the initial ruling, the Arkansas Supreme Court stayed the decision, preventing it from being extended to other couples.

One possible reason for the issues: birth certificates are woven into legislation and Health Board protocol in the state of Arkansas. Identifying biological parents is an “important governmental objective,” wrote Arkansas Supreme Court Associate Justice Josephine Linker Hart in the majority opinion, explaining that knowing who parents are allows the state to track public health trends and give children genetic information that they might need for medical reasons later on.

But different-sex Arkansas parents aren’t required to prove that they are the biological parents of the child, perhaps limiting the value of state tracking â€" and raising questions about unequal treatment of same-sex parents.

"There's no requirement that DNA be given or that there be a biological relationship to a child to get on a birth certificate for a father, for the non-birth parent," said Cheryl Maples, who sued on behalf of the three couples, the Associated Press reported.

“The inclusion of a parent's name on a child's birth certificate is a benefit associated with and flowing from marriage," wrote Arkansas Associate Justice Paul Danielson in the dissenting opinion.

The decision may have provided an impetus for the state to make some changes to the law.

“It is time to heed the call” to make changes heralded by decisions like Obergefell v. Hodges, which established the right to same-sex marriage, said Arkansas Chief Justice Howard Brill, according to NBC.

And though some state officials pronounced the state “gratified” that the court had chosen to uphold state law, they suggested that lawmakers might be willing to consider changes. Arkansas has so far been reluctant to amend its laws.

“If any changes are appropriate, it is the job of legislators to do so, not the circuit court,” said Judd Deere, a spokesman for Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge, AP reported.

As it stands, the ruling would require same-sex parents to obtain a court order if they want both spouses to be listed on a child’s birth certificate. Ms. Maples told AP that she has not yet decided whether to appeal to the US Supreme Court.

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