Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

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Zika fears not changing South Floridians' sex habits

You delay having kids. You take a cold shower for months after you've traveled to Brazil. Or you use condoms, even if you're already pregnant.

Such is life with Zika, if you play by the rules.

Safe sex practices have been part of the official Zika prevention guidelines since early this year, when researchers confirmed the virus that can cause severe birth defects could be transmitted by sexual contact as well as mosquito bites.

The current federal Centers for Disease Control precautions advise anywhere from eight weeks up to six months of abstinence or condom use, depending on where you live, where you travel, and if you are pregnant or want to be. While expectant couples are the main target, the guidelines apply to anyone who doesn't want to get Zika.

So are people actually going to live like this?

Some public health experts are doubtful.

"I have talked with quite a few physicians, as well as sexually active patients. And I have not encountered anyone who has changed their sexual behavior. It's the hardest thing in the world is to get people to do," said Dr. Sonjia Kenya, an HIV researcher and sexologist at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

What's the problem? Kenya thinks, in part, the consequences of Zika just aren't scary enough, unless you are a pregnant woman worried about becoming infected.

Most everyone else "has become pretty immune to the Zika media hype," said Kenya, author of "Sex in South Beach," who has been called a multicultural Dr. Ruth. "There is something about the sun and the beach and alcohol that invites people to be more relaxed."

The Sunshine State already is a hotbed for sexually transmitted disease -- and yes, the CDC considers Zika an STD, like gonorrhea and syphillis and HIV.

The CDC's annual HIV Surveillance Report, released this week , found the rate of new infections in South Florida's cities over the past year shot up more than three times the national average.

"If getting HIV doesn't scare you into changing your behavior, I don't think Zika will," Kenya said.

True, being bitten by a Zika-infected mosquito remains by far the most common way humans get the virus. As of Dec. 7, the CDC has confirmed 38 sexually transmitted Zika cases out of 4,575 in the U.S.

That's why the CDC continues to tell people the best prevention practice is to slather on bug spray containing DEET -- even if they are clubbing on South Beach or walking the dog. CDC officials say the products are safe for pregnant women and should be used by those expecting.

Since Aug. 1, there have been three sections of Miami-Dade County that at some point were classified as active transmission zones, placing them under the strict CDC "red" advisory that suggested pregnant women not travel there. The zones included the Wynwood area near downtown Miami, portions of South and North Miami Beach, and Little River.

People who did go there, or were residents, were advised to abstain from sex or "consistently" use condoms if they were pregnant, considering pregnancy or did not want to pass the virus. Women were told to follow these guidelines for eight weeks -- but men needed to do so for six months, as researchers believe Zika can live in seminal fluid for at least that long.

On Friday, Gov. Rick Scott declared the last of those areas, a 1.5-square mile tract in South Miami Beach, free of active transmission, lifting the CDC's no-travel recommendation for pregnant women. But the four former transmission zones, along with all of Miami-Dade County, remain under a "yellow" CDC advisory that includes condom use, abstinence and other precautions for expectant couples or people considering conceiving.

Sexual precautions also are suggested for anyone who has traveled to Zika outbreak countries such as portions of Mexico and Brazil, all of Puerto Rico, and many other countries. For a full list of travel advisories, go to: cdc.gov/travel or call 800-232-4636.

The CDC has drafted guidance for physicians and public health workers regarding Zika and sexual transmission. Officials with the Florida Department of Health said they discuss Zika sex guidelines with their patients and put condoms in the Zika prevention kits distributed to pregnant women.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF), a global patient care and education organization, has three three large billboard advertisements -- including one with a giant three-dimensional mosquito -- in Miami-Dade County promoting condom use for Zika prevention.

Michael Kahane, AHF's southern bureau chief, said the organization has been distributing condoms along with Zika fact sheets in South Florida and Jamaica, as well as in Puerto Rico, where public health officials predict one in four residents may become Zika postive.

In the Caribbean countries, "people assume everyone already has it or is going to get it. So getting infected is no big deal unless you're pregnant," Kahane said.

While Kahane said that while there has been public health education about Zika, "a lot of people in the U.S. have told me they had no idea it could be sexually transmitted," Kahane said. "I think the general public just isn't aware."

A stroll though Fort Lauderdale's Himmarshee Village entertainment district on an early December night, where diners and drinkers filled outdoor tables, suggested Kahane might be right.

"SIX MONTHS?" cried Adrienne Airhart, 32, when asked how long she thought Zika might live in semen. Airhart, a Los Angeles visitor who had just finished a guided bike trip of the area's bars with pals, had guessed 22 months.

"That's really terrifying," said Airhart, who used to live in Coral Springs. "I am totally not going to Miami."

Her also surprised boyfriend, Aristotle Georgeson, 28, said he didn't know having sex could spread Zika. "So I would definitely let my partner know if I felt sick," he said.

But did he know that there was only a 20 percent chance he would even know he had a Zika infection? That's a problem, he agreed. "And it's not like I can look at a mosquito and know it had Zika," he said.

Dr. Aaron Elkin, a Hollywood obstetrician-gynecologist and past president of the Broward County Medical Association, said the majority of his patients "absolutely" are changing their health and sexual practices due to Zika.

"We are seeing more and more people living in our area afraid of becoming pregnant," said Elkin, who has been involved with federal Zika policy as a John McCain Fellow with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. "A lot of them are asking me, 'What should I do?' They are very receptive when we talk about steps they can take."

Elkin now does Zika counseling during every prenatal visit, as recommended by the CDC, and patients can pick up free condoms at the office's front desk. His practice is one of the few that, at this point, can run and process Zika tests, cutting wait times for results. So far, Elkin has screened over 200 patients for the virus and predicts, in the future, Zika testing will become a prenatal care standard, as it has for HIV.

Some couples are opting to hold off conception until a Zika vaccine is available, Elkin said, which could be within two years. If the biological clock is ticking, others are willing to move out of the area until their baby arrives.

The majority of South Floridians determined to conceive, however, stay here and wrestle with Zika.

"You can't stop mosquitoes, you can't stop travel and you can't stop sex," Elkin said. "We need to think about how we deal with patients who live here. We can't just say nobody who lives in Miami-Dade can get pregnant until there's a vaccine."

The number of in-vitro fertilizations performed at the Fertility & IVF Center of Miami has been slightly lower this year over last, said medical director Dr. Michael Jacobs, although he is not sure that is due to Zika. A few couples, before Miami-Dade County came under the CDC advisory, earlier this year froze sperm because the male partner was traveling repeatedly to Zika hot zone countries, Jacobs said.

He suspects that some people, including pregnant couples, aren't following all of the CDC Zika prevention recommendations, from applying bug repellent to using condoms. Jacobs said when Miami Beach still had active transmission zones, he spotted a very pregnant woman picnicking outdoors.

"It's all over the news, you are about to give birth, and you are standing next to water with a bunch of mosquitoes in it. I don't understand it," Jacobs said.

dlade@sunsentinel.com and 954-356-4295

SEX AND ZIKA

The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggest expectant couples or those considering conceiving in the near future take these sexual precautions. Pregnant women are those most at risk, as the Zika virus can cause severe fetal abnormalities, but anyone can get Zika through sex. Common Zika symptoms include: fever, rash, joint pain and red eyes.

Women who live in Miami-Dade County or frequently travel there should wait eight weeks before trying to become pregnant. They should abstain from sex or consistently use condoms during this time.

Men who live in Miami-Dade County or frequently travel there should wait six months before trying to get their partner pregnant. They should abstain from sex or consistently use condoms during this time.

Expectant couples where one or both partners either live or have traveled to Miami-Dade County should consistently use condoms, or abstain from sex, until after delivery.

The above guidelines also apply to couples in which one partner has traveled to a country with active Zika transmision.

For more information on Zika prevention: cdc.gov or 800-232-4636√.

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Uber to riders: No sex, and leave your guns at home

By Patrick May,  The Mercury News

The inside of an Uber vehicle, that ”third place” that so many of us often find ourselves these days, should also be a safe place, a clean place, a happy place.

Or so says Uber, which this week issued a set of “Uber Community Guidelines”  to keep both riders and drivers on their best behavior.

As the San Francisco-based ride-sharing giant puts it in its press release, “We want Uber to be enjoyable and safe for everyone. These ground rules are designed to ensure that riders and drivers have a five star ride when using Uber.”

Let’s have a look, shall we?

For starters, Uber wants us all to know that sex during a ride is a big no-no. Even flirting is prohibited between the rider and their driver or fellow passengers. (So, yes, group sex is out.) And don’t even think about calling your driver after the ride on their personal cell number and trying to set up a date. In its guidelines, Uber stresses that it has a ”no sex rule” and, just to make sure all you sex-in-public aficionados get the memo, it repeats “no sex” over and over like some Victorian Age mantra.

And  while you’re sitting in the back seat not having sex with anyone else in the car, you should also not vomit.

To be specific, Uber’s guidelines ban “vomiting due to excessive alcohol consumption,” so you could read that to mean that a flu-induced mishap wouldn’t necessarily get you banned forever from an Uber vehicle. But do try and avoid it anyway.

“Most riders show drivers the respect they deserve,” the company said. “But some don’t â€" whether it’s leaving trash in the car, throwing up in the back seat after too much alcohol or asking a driver to break the speed limit so they can get to their appointment on time. This kind of poor behavior is not OK.”

In the interest of time, we’ve condensed for you some of the other things Uber would like you not to do while in their care:

• Don’t touch other passengers.

• Don’t touch the driver.

• Don’t keep the driver waiting.

• Don’t swear.

• Don’t slam the car door.

• Don’t spill your Starbucks Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk and then not clean it up.

• Don’t look at people suspiciously if they’re not like you.

• Don’t comment on other riders’ appearances.

• Don’t ask your fellow rider if he/she is single.

• Don’t raise your voice.

• And last but not least, don’t bring your firearm with you on an Uber ride.

Outside of that, have a nice ride.

"

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Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

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