Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

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Post-Election, Survivors Of Assault Are Struggling To Have Sex Again

After the now infamous recording of President-elect Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy came out, Anna*, 33, went to her Facebook page to share her story. In high school, she had been raped by her boyfriend, and in that moment, she wanted people to know.

“I didn’t say anyone’s name, I just said I had been raped and I was a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, and why it bothered me so much what Trump had said,” Anna told The Huffington Post. “I said, this is not just locker room talk. This happens to people, and this happened to me.”

After posting, Anna felt great. She heard from several women who shared their own stories and she helped connect them to resources. But then her ex-boyfriend reached out, saying he was going to sue her ― at the the same moment Trump was threatening to sue his accusers. It was an unsettling parallel Anna could not quite wrap her head around, and she was anxious for the election to be over.

“I kept wanting to think that Trump wouldn’t get elected and our nation would say this kind of thing isn’t OK,” Anna said. Since Trump’s win, she has been in a tailspin. For a week-and-a-half, she couldn’t sleep. She still hasn’t really been able to be intimate with her husband.

“Since Trump’s comment, we’ve only had sex a couple of times,” she said, adding that she was going to meet with her doctor to talk about options. “I don’t want to feel this way.” 

I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, "No, no. He still has more power over you." Ali, 28

The 2016 presidential campaign was difficult for many women, especially those who felt triggered by Trump’s so-called “locker room talk,” and a string of allegations that he’d groped and kissed women without their consent. But Trump’s win, they say, is even more difficult ― not just a reminder of everything they’ve been through, but a minimizing of it. And it has left their sex lives in shambles.

“It resurfaced a lot of past trauma that I had experienced about seven years ago when I was sexually assaulted,” Ali, 28, told The Huffington Post. “I had gotten to a point where I had taken my own power back from my rapist, and this felt like the American people telling me, ‘No, no. He still has more power over you.’”

Prior to Trump’s win, Ali had sex with her husband every other day. Now, they’ve been having sex maybe once a week ― not nothing, but not the same. When they do have sex, Ali feels far less enthusiastic. 

“I’m just not as comfortable letting myself be sexual right now,” she said.

It is hardly a surprising reaction, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse.

“Here, we have a really unprecedented situation where a person who has been identified as a sexual perpetrator by many women has been elevated to the highest position in the country,” she said. “For many [people] who’ve been sexually abused, it’s a huge shock.”

Trump’s broader triggering effect has been well-documented. Soon after Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” tape came out, RAINN ― the sexual assault survivor nonprofit that runs the National Sexual Assault Hotline ― saw call traffic increase by 33 percent. At one point during the campaign, 3,000 therapists signed a “manifesto” detailing the psychological toll they believed Trump was taking on their patients, everything from anxiety and fear to shame, Politico reports. One therapist who works with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault told Slate she’d seen an uptick in patients calling for emergency counseling sessions, and experiencing flashbacks and an inability to go outside. 

When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me. Jamie*, 31

But it’s not just Trump’s behavior, Maltz said. It’s the feeling that many Americans simply didn’t care enough about their experiences to vote against a sexual aggressor that has made it so challenging for women to be intimate again, even with trusted partners. And Maltz points to research that has found that “institutional betrayal” ― the kind that happens when a student reports an assault and his or her university fails to provide backup ― can exacerbate trauma, leading to further anxiety, depression and sexual problems.

“Those results suggest that institutions ― or in this situation, the election ― has the power to cause additional harm to assault survivors in the form of sexual effects,” she said. Women can feel re-traumatized, Maltz added. They can project their feelings onto someone else, such as a partner or even Trump himself.

That’s exactly what is happening to Jamie*, 31, who was date raped when she was 16.

“When I look at Donald Trump, I have this visceral reaction where I look at him as someone who actually sexually assaulted me,” she said. “It has put me into this hole, where I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with my live-in boyfriend of four years.” They have not had sex since the election, and she has no sexual appetite right now.

Jamie understands, of course, that Trump did not actually assault her ― but she can’t shake the feeling that she has been violated in some way. 

“I’ve never experienced looking at a stranger and having that kind of reaction,” she said. Jamie is hopeful she and her boyfriend will resume their sex life soon, but the thought of seeing Trump’s face every day for four years worries her.

“I just feel like, ugh. Dirty. Muddy,” Jamie said. “I feel like I was victimized.”

* First names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

Suggest a correction

"

| Post-Election, | Survivors | Assault | Struggling | Have | Again | After | infamous | recording | President | elect | Donald | Trump | bragging | about | grabbing | women | pussy< | came | Anna* | went | Facebook | page | share | story | high | school | been | raped | boyfriend | that | moment | wanted | people | know | p> “I | didn’t | anyone’s | name | just | said | domestic | violence | sexual | assault | survivor | bothered | much | what | Anna | told | Huffington | Post | “I | this | not< | locker | room | talk | This | happens | happened | ”< | p> After | posting |  Anna | felt | great | heard | from | several | shared | their | stories | helped | connect | them | resources | then | reached | saying | going | same | threatening | accusers | unsettling | parallel | could | quite | wrap | head | around | anxious | election | over | kept | wanting | think | wouldn’t | elected | nation | would | kind | thing | isn’t | Since | Trump’s | tailspin | week | half | couldn’t | sleep | still | hasn’t | really | able | intimate | with | husband | p> “Since | comment | we’ve | only | couple | times | adding | meet | doctor | options | don’t | want | feel | ” < | p> < | div> I | gotten | point | where | taken | power | back | rapist | like | American | telling | more | span> | span>< | blockquote> The | 2016 | presidential | campaign | difficult | many | especially | those | triggered | called | “locker | string | allegations< | he’d | groped | kissed | without | consent | they | even | reminder | everything | they’ve | through | minimizing | left | lives | shambles | p> “It | resurfaced | past | trauma | experienced | seven | years | when | sexually | assaulted | ‘No | ’”< | p> Prior | every | other | having | maybe | once | nothing | When | have | feels | less | enthusiastic | p> “I’m | comfortable | letting | myself | right | p> It | hardly | surprising | reaction | says | Wendy | Maltz | therapist | author | Sexual | Healing | Journey: | Guide | Abuse | em>< | p> “Here | unprecedented | situation | person | identified | perpetrator | elevated | highest | position | country | “For | [people] | who’ve | abused | it’s | huge | shock | p> Trump’s | broader | triggering | effect | well | documented | Soon | after | “grab | pussy” | tape |  RAINN< | a> ― the | nonprofit | runs | National | Hotline | call | traffic | increase | percent< | during | therapists | signed | “manifesto” | detailing | psychological | toll | believed | taking | patients | anxiety | fear | shame | Politico | reports< | works | survivors | abuse | Slate< | she’d | seen | uptick | calling | emergency | counseling | sessions | experiencing | flashbacks | inability | outside | div> When | look | visceral | someone | actually | Jamie* | blockquote> But | behavior | It’s | feeling | Americans | simply | care | enough | experiences | vote | against | aggressor | made | challenging | again | trusted | partners | points | research | found< | “institutional | betrayal” | student | reports | university | fails | provide | backup | exacerbate | leading | further | depression | problems | p> “Those | results | suggest | institutions | cause | additional | harm | form | effects | Women | traumatized | added | They | project | feelings | onto | else | such | partner | himself | p> That’s | exactly | happening | date | p> “When | “It | into | hole | live | four | since | appetite | p> Jamie | understands | course | can’t | shake | violated | some | p> “I’ve | never | looking | stranger | Jamie | hopeful | will | resume | life | soon | thought | seeing | face | worries | Dirty | Muddy | victimized | p> * | First | names | changed | privacy | reasons | strong>< | div> | Suggest | correction< | div> |

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They’ll only have sex with smart people

Are you the smartest person in the bedroom? If so, you may be sapiosexual, and wasting time by going after hotties who think string theory has something to do with choosing Oxford-style shoes over loafers. According to Vice, sapiosexuals are indulging in the hot fetish of the moment: viewing intelligence as the topmost turn-on.

The term, coined by a live-blogger who calls himself wolfieboy, just might make it into the next edition of Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Regardless, it already qualifies as a descriptor on OkCupid and inspired a Tinder-esque dating app for smart people, called, appropriately enough, Sapio. The fact that the big complaint about Sapio is a lack of participants maybe reflects the selectivity of those who embrace this sexual preference.

But with the growing desirability of Silicon Valley nerds, it seems that sapiosexuality is on the rise. “What were once fringe interests reserved for the stereotypically introverted, intellectual, ‘nerds’ of the world â€" comic books, characters, and comic-inspired films and TV shows, sci-fi and fantasy like the ‘Star Trek’ reboots and ‘Game of Thrones’ â€" are now essential features of 21st-century American culture,” Lora Adair, a professor of evolutionary psychology at Lyon College, told Vice. Her point being that the pursuit of classically geeky interests now comes with cachet.

For those who want to appeal to sapiosexuals, the website New Love Times offers a few tips that go beyond turning public libraries into pickup spots. It suggests that revealing some ignorance is an aphrodisiac for potential partners who enjoy showing their intelligence, flying your nerd-flag proudly can be alluring, and unconventional dating spots â€" adventurous ethnic food will trump a steak every time â€" may seal the deal. Also: Make sure you’re pronouncing words properly and using correct grammar.

While there has been some blowback â€" sapiosexual doubters describe it as pretentious, exclusionary and not even worthy of its own distinction â€" blogger Hazel Leese clearly prefers brains to brawn. “If a man uses a word I’ve never heard before, my attraction radar surges to Defcon 1,” she writes. “Likewise if he uses somewhat poetic, non-standard language, my brain enters orgasmatron mode. Long [and] complicated words, beautiful poetry, technical phrases that I don’t understand are all tantamount to talking dirty to me. In other words, I like big words and I cannot lie.”

Additionally, we presume, when giving brainy dudes her phone number, she doesn’t need to find pen and paper. They’re smart enough to commit 10 digits to memory.

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Metropolitan police to investigate sexual abuse claims at London clubs | Football

The Metropolitan police has launched an investigation into historical sexual abuse claims involving London football clubs, becoming the 21st force across the country to have begun similar inquiries into teams in their areas.

Britain’s largest police force said specialist officers would look into allegations of “non-recent” crimes, but refused to say which clubs it was investigating.

“We take all the allegations we receive very seriously and they will be dealt with sensitively,” said DCS Ivan Balhatchet of the Met’s sexual offences, exploitation and child abuse command. “Anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse, whatever the circumstances, or has any relevant information should contact their local police or the NSPCC.”

Football sex abuse scandal: how the story unfolded

According to police, more than 350 potential victims have come forward since the former Crewe defender Andy Woodward waived his right to anonymity to reveal in an interview with the Guardian that he had been a ­victim of sexual abuse

Gary Johnson, the former player who was paid £50,000 by Chelsea not to go public with allegations that he was abused by their former chief scout Eddie Heath, has said that a personal apology from the club’s board, delivered in person on Wednesday, was “too little, too late”.

Johnson was a member of Chelsea’s first team from 1978 to 1981 after joining the club as an 11-year-old in 1970. The 57-year-old spoke out recently to say he was groomed from the age of 13 by Heath, who was chief scout from 1968 to 1979 and is now dead. Chelsea’s insurers paid £50,000 in compensation, without liability, in return for a confidentiality clause.

Johnson told the BBC that the £50,000 he received was “not enough for the pain and suffering I’ve had”, adding: “It [the abuse] took away my childhood â€" I can never get that back.”

In Holyrood, Nicola Sturgeon resisted calls for the inquiry into historical child sexual abuse in Scotland to be widened to include football clubs, after the Scottish Labour leader, Kezia ­Dugdale, pressed her during first minister’s ­questions about revelations of abuse in Scottish clubs.

The first minister said: “My view is we should allow that inquiry to get on with its job and we should allow the police to get on with their job of investigating allegations of abuse in football.”

Earlier, a former chief ­executive of the Scottish Football Association called for a separate inquiry as the revel­ations across the UK continued to mount. Gordon Smith told BBC Radio’s Good Morning Scotland that an investigation into how clubs and national bodies had responded to allegations was needed.

“There should be an inquiry, an inquiry into anybody who knew anything about this sort of thing,” he said. “If this was happening at a club, what action did they take? We’re now finding out some of the cases down in England where the club tried to hush the situation, even paid a player money to not say anything about it.”

The SFA has said it is part of a task force set up to coordinate complaints and information relating to child sexual abuse within football and that it is passing on all information it receives to Police Scotland.

Meanwhile, the Scottish Premiership club Patrick Thistle have admitted firing one of their employees in 1992 over abuse claims. The club disclosed that a former physiotherapist, named as John Hart, who died in 1995, was dismissed after the allegations came to light more than 20 years ago.

In a statement, the club denied any cover-up, stating: “The current board and management knew nothing of this until an internal investigation uncovered it in the last few days. As a result, the club informed the SFA and Police Scotland.”

This follows revelations concerning a former youth coach for Celtic, Hibernian and Falkirk football clubs, who was on Wednesday charged with a child sex offence and has been remanded in custody.

Jim McCafferty, who worked in football across the central belt of Scotland and in Ireland from the 1980s, was arrested in Belfast on Tuesday after presenting himself at a police station. He was charged with engaging in sexual activity with a child aged 13-16 between December 2011 and December 2014.

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| Metropolitan | police | investigate | sexual | abuse | claims | London | clubs | Football | police< | launched | investigation | into | historical | involving | football | becoming | 21st | force | across | country | have | begun | similar | inquiries | teams | their | areas | p> Britain’s | largest | said | specialist | officers | would | look | allegations | “non | recent” | crimes | refused | which | investigating | p> “We | take | receive | very | seriously | they | will | dealt | with | sensitively | Ivan | Balhatchet | Met’s | offences | exploitation | child | command | “Anyone | been | victim | whatever | circumstances | relevant | information | should | contact | local | NSPCC | ”< | p> Football | scandal: | story | unfolded< | a> According | more | than | potential | victims | come | forward | since | former | Crewe | defender | Andy | Woodward | waived | right | anonymity | reveal | interview | Guardian< | that | ­victim | abuse< | p> Gary | Johnson | player | paid | £50 | Chelsea | public | abused | chief | scout | Eddie | Heath | personal | apology | from | club’s | board | delivered | person | Wednesday | “too | little | late” | p> Johnson | member | Chelsea’s | first | team | 1978 | 1981 | after | joining | club | year | 1970 | spoke | recently | groomed | 1968 | 1979 | dead | insurers | compensation | without | liability | return | confidentiality | clause | told | received | “not | enough | pain | suffering | I’ve | had” | adding: | “It | [the | abuse] | took | away | childhood | never | back | p> In | Holyrood | Nicola | Sturgeon | resisted | calls | inquiry | Scotland | widened | include | Scottish | Labour | leader | Kezia | ­Dugdale | pressed | during | minister’s | ­questions | about | revelations | p> The | minister | said: | “My | view | allow | p> Earlier | ­executive | Association | called | separate | revel­ations | continued | mount | Gordon | Smith | Radio’s | Good | Morning | national | bodies | responded | needed | p> “There | anybody | knew | anything | this | sort | thing | “If | happening | what | action | We’re | finding | some | cases | down | England | where | tried | hush | situation | even | money | part | task | coordinate | complaints | relating | within | passing | receives | Police< | p> Meanwhile | Premiership | Patrick | Thistle | admitted | firing | employees | 1992 | over | disclosed | physiotherapist | named | John | Hart | died | 1995 | dismissed | came | light | years | statement | denied | cover | stating: | “The | current | management | nothing | until | internal | uncovered | last | days | result | informed | Police | p> This | follows | concerning | youth | coach | Celtic | Hibernian | Falkirk | charged | offence | remanded | custody | p> Jim | McCafferty | worked | central | belt | Ireland | 1980s | arrested | Belfast | Tuesday | presenting | himself | station | engaging | activity | aged | between | December | 2011 | 2014 | p> |

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Jenna Dewan Tatum Dishes on Sex Life with Channing Tatum

It’s safe to say Jenna Dewan Tatum and Channing Tatum know how to keep their marriage spicy.

Dewan Tatum isn’t shy about discussing the couple’s romantic relationship in the January issue of >Cosmopolitan, revealing, “We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life].”

“…I’ve always been a very sexual person,” the 36-year-old admits, adding, “Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way.”

She says that “Channing is very much the same way. He’s very in tune with that.”

The couple celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary this past July. They tied the knot just three years after meeting on the set of their 2006 movie Step Up.

Despite instant attraction, the romance took some time to develop while they were filming the dance movie. In fact, Dewan Tatum says they tip-toed around their feelings: “It was two nights of being weird.”

“We hadn’t even kissed. And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers,” she recalls. “His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door.”

RELATED VIDEO: Jenna Dewan Tatum Stresses the Importance of Date Nights with Channing Tatum

Dewan Tatum reveals that she had previously told the hunky star, 36, he didn’t seem ready to begin a new romance, but on that night, “He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.” Now, the pair are happy parents to daughter Everly, 3. Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan The January issue of Cosmopolitan hits newsstands on Dec. 13. "

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This is what having sex with Channing Tatum is like

If the bedroom’s rocking, don’t come knocking on Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum‘s door.

“… I’ve always been a very sexual person. We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life],” the actress spilled in the January issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way.”

>Tatum covers the January 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan.Photo: Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

Married for seven years, Channing and Jenna, both 36, met on the set of the 2006 dance flick “Step Up.” While their steamy chemistry brought the film to life, the couple’s real-life romance was heating up off screen.

But as Jenna recalled, Channing had an interesting way of making their relationship official.

“It was two nights of being weird. We hadn’t even kissed,” she explained. “And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers. His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door. He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.”

After getting engaged in September 2008, Channing and Jenna tied the knot the following July. Four years later, they welcomed daughter Everly. Though Jenna’s adjusted to motherhood, as a Reiki enthusiast she uses the Japanese healing technique in her family’s daily life.

“I like to play around. I’ll do it with Evie when she’s getting overwhelmed,” Jenna shared. “It’s an ancient healing modality from Japan where you tap into your conscious energy conflict. Chan loves it. He gets all the nice side effects of having a hippie wife.”

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