How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husband’s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

“This is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.”

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

“Men are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.”

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

“The first step won’t be sex. It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those adult ­convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.”

â€"Katharine O’Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

“What a great problem to have! It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!”

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

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| Back | Having | After | Pregnancy | div> PHOTO: | Getty | Images< | p> < | div> My | husband’s | been | totally | focused | baby | since | born< | months | love | that | he’s | great | have | parenting | routine | could | little | more | loving | myself | bring | back | romance | â€"K | Boston< | em>< | span>< | p> “This | super | common | issue< | strong>â€"we | hear | about | from | women | even | takes | while | come | table | after | Talk | with | your | husband | what | both | need | available | Kissing | Cuddling | Nothing | Just | step | nothing | where | probably | several | overwhelming | Also | mind | date | night | expectations | terrible | idea; | just | adds | pressure | something | relaxing | feels | really | authentic | good | ”< | p> â€"Lindsay | Chrisler | dating | relationship | coach | York | City< | p> “Men | simple | want | tell | strong> | Not: | ‘I’d | like | this | shoot | text | says | ‘Sex | declines | make | pick | time | maybe | redefine | constitutes | expect | carriage | ride | before | busy | might | pass | you’re | most | married | couples | minutes | door | locks | Figure | works | figure | together | p> â€"James | Breakwell | comedy | writer | father | four< | p> “The | first | won’t | It’ll | reconnecting | couple | Think | baby: | What | talk | Make | sure | having | those | adult | ­convos | doing | activities | There | possibilities | acting | differently | Seeing | vagina | during | delivery | traumatic | fatigued | child | care | afraid | getting | pregnant | again | These | holdups | tend | temporary | delve | into | feeling | listen | validateâ€"the | physical | stuff | follows | p> â€"Katharine | O’Connell | White | p> “What | problem | have!< | It’s | based | look | place | gratitude: | many | fathers | struggle | connect | their | babies | doesn’t | experience | healthiest | families | made | take | each | other | then | children’s | needs | year | bets | offâ€"it’s | survival | mode | know | hurt | scared | things | will | never | normal | trust | he’ll | doesn’t!”< | p> â€"Glennon | Doyle | Melton | author | Love | Warrior< | p> More | partners:< | strong>< | p> < | div> |

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This is what having sex with Channing Tatum is like

If the bedroom’s rocking, don’t come knocking on Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum‘s door.

“… I’ve always been a very sexual person. We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life],” the actress spilled in the January issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way.”

>Tatum covers the January 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan.Photo: Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

Married for seven years, Channing and Jenna, both 36, met on the set of the 2006 dance flick “Step Up.” While their steamy chemistry brought the film to life, the couple’s real-life romance was heating up off screen.

But as Jenna recalled, Channing had an interesting way of making their relationship official.

“It was two nights of being weird. We hadn’t even kissed,” she explained. “And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers. His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door. He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.”

After getting engaged in September 2008, Channing and Jenna tied the knot the following July. Four years later, they welcomed daughter Everly. Though Jenna’s adjusted to motherhood, as a Reiki enthusiast she uses the Japanese healing technique in her family’s daily life.

“I like to play around. I’ll do it with Evie when she’s getting overwhelmed,” Jenna shared. “It’s an ancient healing modality from Japan where you tap into your conscious energy conflict. Chan loves it. He gets all the nice side effects of having a hippie wife.”

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This is what having sex with Channing Tatum is like

If the bedroom’s rocking, don’t come knocking on Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum‘s door.

“… I’ve always been a very sexual person. We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life],” the actress spilled in the January issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way.”

>Tatum covers the January 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan.Photo: Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

Married for seven years, Channing and Jenna, both 36, met on the set of the 2006 dance flick “Step Up.” While their steamy chemistry brought the film to life, the couple’s real-life romance was heating up off screen.

But as Jenna recalled, Channing had an interesting way of making their relationship official.

“It was two nights of being weird. We hadn’t even kissed,” she explained. “And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers. His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door. He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.”

After getting engaged in September 2008, Channing and Jenna tied the knot the following July. Four years later, they welcomed daughter Everly. Though Jenna’s adjusted to motherhood, as a Reiki enthusiast she uses the Japanese healing technique in her family’s daily life.

“I like to play around. I’ll do it with Evie when she’s getting overwhelmed,” Jenna shared. “It’s an ancient healing modality from Japan where you tap into your conscious energy conflict. Chan loves it. He gets all the nice side effects of having a hippie wife.”

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Female Orgasm To Oral Sex; 9 Surprising Things Science Taught Us About Our Sex Lives In 2016

We're constantly reminded of sex, whether by a sultry magazine cover at the newsstand, a steamy scene at the movies, or a night at the bar. Science got its hands dirty this past year trying to unravel the latest patterns and trends in the field of sex research, a popular and often controversial area of interest. Here's what we learned.  

Sex: Why It Feels So Good

Many people will admit they love sex because it feels so good. It’s a source of pleasurable sensations that facilitate an emotional connection between two people, but science has found it’s also an altered state of consciousness. A study in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology found sexual pleasure floods the brain with a surge of neurochemicals â€" chemical messengers that forge emotions, feelings of attachment, and even love. The level of pleasure that’s felt is linked to the release of chemicals, which can be used to measure the intensity of an orgasm.

We discovered that if sexual stimulation is intense enough, and goes on long enough, synchronized activity could spread throughout the brain. This intense focused attention outcompetes usual self-awareness for access to consciousness, and so produces a state of sensory absorption and trance.

>Read More: How The Brain Functions During An Orgasm

So, how long should this euphoric-like state last?

In an article for The Conversationalist, Dr. Brendan Zietsch, a psychologist from the University of Queensland, focused on how long heterosexual couples report penetrative sex actually lasts. The findings revealed the average time for each couple, across all the times they had sex, ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes. Meanwhile, the average across all couples was 5.4 minutes. This means a couple will typically go for an average of 5.4 minutes every time they have sex. Zietsch suspects penis shape could influence how long men last in bed.

Who's Getting It On Vs. Who’s Not

Sexless Millennials

Dating apps like Tinder, frequently used by Millennials, have led casual sex to become more common. Naturally, we would assume Millennials are having more sex, but a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found more young people are living sexless lives than their counterparts born in the 1960s did at the same age. However, this does not mean a vast majority of young Millennials are having less sex than previous generations. It just means that the amount of people born in the early 1990s who are not having sex is larger than a similar cohort from previous years.

Sex In The “Golden” Years

Many believe once you get older, the sex becomes less and less frequent until it comes to a halt. This year, researchers have noted older adults are having more sex, and they agree it does get better with age. A survey conducted by the University of Guelph and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) found older couples are starting to be active and get creative by adopting new positions and activities.  People over 40 are still having sex, and becoming more adventurous in bed with more than half admitting they were more interested in trying new things to boost pleasure than they were a decade ago.

The elderly also continue to be sexually active, and consider sex essential to their well-being, happiness, and overall quality of life, especially after retirement. Some older adults abstain from sex due to health conditions, or loss of interest, but others refused to renounce it.

The concept of sex is pretty straight forward, but when it comes to the female orgasm, science is still figuring out one of the greatest mysteries.

This is what science has taught us about our sex lives in 2016. Photo courtesy of Everton Vila, Public Domain

Women And Sex

The Female Orgasm: Hot Spots Of Pleasure

New research pinpoints there's a new understanding of the female orgasm: It incorporates the external clitoral glands, the internal region around the G-spot that corresponds to the internal clitoral bulbs, the cervix, and the sensory stimulation of non-genital areas, such as the nipples. In other words, it’s the stimulation of one or various erogenous zones that induces pleasure and orgasm during masturbation and sexual intercourse.

>Read More: Erotic Hypnosis For Sexual Climax With Mind Control

Researchers believe orgasms don't have to come from one site, nor from all sites, and most importantly, they don't have to be the same for every woman, nor for every sexual experience the woman has to be considered whole and valid. Orgasms are a very individual and subjective experience.

Female Orgasm Can Boost Fertility

Evolutionary biologists have debated the purpose of the female orgasm beyond just sexual pleasure. A study found orgasms could potentially boost fertility by as much as 15 percent. It performs some sort of “sperm-retention function,” meaning it could act as a suction to “suck up” semen into the vaginal canal. However, there are conflicting studies that debate whether the female orgasm has a biological purpose.

Women Receive Less Oral Sex

Not all is fair in love and oral sex. A study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found women are more than twice as likely to go down on their partners than men, but they are less likely to enjoy performing the act. The biggest gender difference in oral sex was the enjoyment of giving oral. More than half of men who had given cunnilingus reported enjoying it a lot, while an additional 41 percent enjoyed it somewhat, and 7 percent didn't enjoy it much or at all. Contrastingly, only 28 percent of the women who gave fellatio found it very pleasurable; for 55 it was somewhat pleasurable; and 17 percent didn't enjoy doing it. The findings suggest equal reciprocation could satisfy both partners.

>Read More: Does 'Going Down' On Your Partner Have Biological Roots?

Sex In Relationships

Good Sex In Long-Term Relationships

Couples often get into a rut about sex being boring and predictable, but great sex is possible in long-term relationships. A recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found long-term couples can reignite the spark, and have better sex, by being responsive to each other. Partners who are responsive to each other outside the bedroom are able to maintain their sexual desire.

More Sex Leads To Positive Feelings About Partners

Unsurprisingly, the more sex we have with our partners, the more likely we’ll begin to have more positive feelings towards them. A study from Florida State University found the frequency with which couples have sex has no influence on whether or not they report being happy with their relationship, but their sexual frequency does influence their more spontaneous, automatic, gut-level feelings about their partners. Whether sex is happening once a month or once every few hours, it’s really about quality over quantity.

In 2016, science has taught us there are shades of grey when it comes to sex â€" it’s not as concrete or simple as we believe.

See Also:

>Sex Once A Week Makes For A Happy Life (Unless You're Single)

Straight Women Turned On By Attractive Women Are Either 'Bisexual Or Gay', Says Study

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| doing | suggest | equal | reciprocation | satisfy | both | Does | Going | Down | Your | Partner | Have | Biological | Roots | Relationships< | h2> Good | Long | Term | h3> Couples | boring | predictable | great | possible | term | relationships | recent | Personality | Social | reignite | spark | responsive | Partners | outside | bedroom | able | maintain | desire | p> More | Leads | Positive | Feelings | Partners< | h3> Unsurprisingly | we’ll | begin | positive | towards | them | Florida | State | frequency | happy | relationship | spontaneous | automatic | Whether | happening | month | hours | really | quantity | shades | grey | concrete | simple | p> See | Also:< | Once | Week | Makes | Happy | Life | (Unless | Youre | Single)< | p> Straight | Women | Turned | Attractive | Either | Bisexual | Says | Study< | p> |

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Jenna Dewan Tatum Dishes on 'Primal, Earthy' Sex Life With Channing Tatum

Stepping it up â€" in the bedroom! >Jenna Dewan Tatum opened up about her sex life with >Channing Tatum in a new interview for >Cosmopolitan magazine's January 2017 issue.

Jenna Dewan Tatum Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

“I’ve always been a very sexual person. We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life],”she spilled. "Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way. He’s very in tune with that."

PHOTOS: Channing Tatum's Sexy, Shirtless Body

Back in June, the Magic Mike actor joked about their time behind closed doors during a Facebook Live interview with Cosmopolitan. "I just lay there. I just lay down; sometimes I nap. Yeah, she’s really athletic. We get down!" he said at the time. "We truly have all different kinds of sex. Sometimes it's like, 'Look, you gotta get this done. I gotta go to work.' And that's a real thing. To me, that's us being completely open. … Then you have full-on, just completely totally connected otherworldly connections."

Channing Tatum (left) and Jenna Dewan Tatum attend the 2015 Vanity Fair Oscar Party, hosted by Graydon Carter, at the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on Feb. 22, 2015. Jeff Vespa/VF15/WireImage

The couple, both 36, met while starring together in 2006's >Step Up. They initially decided to not jump into a romance but changed their minds when he got inebriated one night.

PHOTOS: Channing Tatum's Sexy, Shirtless Body

"It was two nights of being weird. We hadn’t even kissed. And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers," the Witches of East End actress recalled. "His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door. He was like, 'I couldn't stop thinking about you. Let's do this. I just want to be with you.' From that point forward, we were together."

Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

PHOTOS: Hottest Couples Who Fell in Love on Set

The lovebirds went on to tie the knot in July 2009 and welcomed daughter Everly, now 3, in May 2013. During her downtime, Dewan Tatum likes to meditate using the Reiki technique at their Beverly Hills home.

"I like to play around. I'll do it with Evie when she's getting overwhelmed. She thinks it's so funny," she told the mag. "It's an ancient healing modality from Japan where you tap into a conscious energy conflict. Chan loves it. He gets all the nice side effects of having a hippie wife."

Can't get enough of Us? Sign up now for the Us Weekly >newsletter packed with the latest celeb news, hot pics and more!

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