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Thursday, December 8, 2016

The child sex trade is booming in this Kenyan port city

Inside a tiny house outside the city of Mombasa on the Indian Ocean coast of Kenya, 11-year-old Sabina sits on a bed, one of her breasts exposed, a 2-year-old on her back.

With an effortless click, the girl shoots a jet of saliva through the gap between her two front teeth. It lands on the floor. Then she begins to talk as she shifts the toddler from her back to her bosom.

“The father of this child is a German tourist,” she said. “He impregnated me and left the country after his vacation. I was forced to drop out of school and take care of the child.”

Sabina is one among many children in this coastal region who have become mothers at too young an age. She and other girls, as well as underage boys, have left school to cater to men and women who pay them for sex.

And the market is booming: Child sex tourism has remained rampant in Mombasa, a port city, despite a spate of terror attacks in the past three years that have scared away package vacationers, crippling a vital tourism sector that contributes about 10 percent to Kenya’s gross domestic product.

European travelers especially have continued to fuel the trade. Many come to the city in search of girls aged between 12 and 18. The industry has made Kenya one of the world's hubs for child sex tourism, researchers say.

“We always believe that white men have money, so when they come here we hope that they will get us out of poverty,” said Sabina. “They give us a lot of money and sleep with us. We use the money to pay rent for our parents and buy food.”

Trace Kenya, a local nonprofit group that works with the United Nations to battle child trafficking, estimates there could be as many as 100,000 child sex workers in Mombasa. The trade extends up and down the coast to the seaside resort towns of Malindi and Diani, according to the NGO.

In a 2010 report â€" the most recent available â€" UNICEF released numbers on child trafficking in Kenya that revealed that almost a third of girls age 12 and younger in the Mombasa region were involved in prostitution. European men comprise half of the clients, the report said.

Sex tourism has been blamed in Kenya for increasing rates of school dropouts, poverty and illiteracy as school-age children skip class in pursuit of easy money. At the same time, poverty is the main driver behind child sex tourism, say experts. Some parents even urge their children to become involved.

Emily, a 16-year-old orphan, said she was forced into the business due to poverty and peer pressure. Her aunt encouraged her to engage in sex with white men to help pay family expenses. Emily is now infected with HIV.

“I have slept with different men, especially whites from Germany, Italy and the USA,” she said. “I regret it but I had no option [at] that time. I started the business at age 10, when a friend connected me to an Italian tourist who had visited the country for three months. I had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep.”

Teenage boys and 20-something Kenyan men known as "beach boys" also hook up with older white women, usually Western tourists who have flown here specifically for sexual encounters.

Against a backdrop of dazzlingly white sand and the aquamarine sea at Jomo Kenyatta Public Beach, foreign women sip cocktails under bamboo shades. Young men approach them with compliments designed to break the ice.

“This is our work,” said Alex Mwalumba, a beach boy who said he’s 29 but looks much younger. “It’s very simple to lure a white woman. First, know the language she speaks. Secondly, tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. For the first time in years, she truly believes she is desirable.”

Mwalumba had few regrets.

“The money will begin to flow,” he said, referring to payments once a temporary relationship has begun. “Some [beach boys] have used the opportunity to build good houses and start businesses.”

But he warned that business sometimes can be risky.

“Some tourists end up either being robbed or murdered by beach boys in pursuit for money,” he noted. “Beach boys are not after love. They are after money. They sometime trick tourists to go to the room and rob them.”

Paul Adhoch, who heads child rights organization Trace Kenya, said prostitution has led to an increase in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases among teenagers in Mombasa. It has also broken up families in the city, he said.

Trace Kenya is working to rescue girls from the sex trade and to end the practice in the Mombasa region. The NGO has rescued more than 10,000 children in the last seven years, putting them in shelters and making other arrangements for them to earn a living.

“We have rescued many children involved in sex tourism or those who were potentially likely to fall into it, more girls â€" for young men the number has been lower,” he said. “The police have done little to fight the vice. They have given tourists impunity despite having evidence against them.”

But Regional Police Chief Nelson Marwa says the government has done a lot to battle the practice, including warning tourists and parents against being involved in the business.

“We have put in place laws that will deal with such acts,” Marwa said. “Already we have arrested and charged parents, children and some tourists. We will also close all hotels that allow young girls and old tourists to check in together, and their licenses will be canceled.”

The real problem, Adhoch believes, is culture.

“There is a culture among parents and children that when you get yourself a white man, then you have gotten yourself out of poverty,” said Adhoch. “Tourists always take this advantage and will come here deliberately for that.”

But Sabina, who is still struggling to come to terms with her HIV-positive status, wants the government to do more to help girls in the local sex industry.

“The government should curb the practice by arresting tourists whose aim is to engage in sex with children and dump them afterward,” she said. “They are creating more poverty for young people here like me.”

Editor's note: The last names of children interviewed for this story have been withheld to protect their identities. Tonny Onyulo reported from Mombasa, Kenya.

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Friday, December 9, 2016

How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

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PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husband’s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

“This is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.”

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

“Men are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.”

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

“The first step won’t be sex. It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those adult ­convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.”

â€"Katharine O’Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

“What a great problem to have! It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!”

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

More from our partners:

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Thursday, December 8, 2016

The crowd-pleaser: What is the most popular sex position?

This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

AlterNetAlterNet> Defining sex is easy, but having it is slightly more complicated â€" namely, because there are a lot of different ways to get it on. But is there a crowd favorite out there?

According to Dr. Ed, there is. In a survey of 2,000 people in the United States and the United Kingdom, the team at Dr. Ed found that more people prefer doggy style to any other position. According to their experts, doggy style “allows for deeper penetration,” making the G-spot easier to reach. Perhaps that’s why over 35 percent of respondents tagged it as their go-to favorite. Missionary came in second, with cowgirl following close behind.

Other popular positions included holding legs up, spooning and reverse cowgirl. The 69 position also made it onto the list, a rather unsurprising finding. Research suggests oral sex is one of the most reliable means by which women can achieve orgasm.

But while both men and women agreed that doggy style was the most enjoyable way to have sex, they weren’t able to see eye-to-eye in all areas. Men ranked anal sex as the ninth most pleasurable position, while it didn’t even make it into the top 10 list for women. (Some research has shown that anal sex is becoming more popular among some women.)

Sexual orientation didn’t seem to influence the respondents’ preferences in any significant way. Straight, bisexual and gay participants all ranked doggy style as their favorite position.

Curiosity about certain sexual positions spanned the spectrum of sexual orientation. All respondents were equally curious about the tabletop position (in which one partner sits on the edge of a table while the other penetrates them while standing up). The 69 position while standing up was another popular pick on the wish list.

Apparently, most of the guys learned about these stunts online. Fifty-three percent of men surveyed said they picked up their sex moves from porn. Women, on the other hand, said they learned about their favorite sex positions from a real-life partner.

But maybe there’s something about watching all that online smut that makes one a little bit more adventurous. Over 75 percent of men said they were the ones to initiate a new position. Fifty-nine percent of women admitted that their partners were the ones wanting to mix it up.

But as they say, in life, there is no pleasure without pain. Nearly 38 percent of men said the thing that scared them most about sex was the possibility of hurting their partner â€" not exactly a huge surprise, given the number interested in anal sex. Less than 9 percent listed hurting themselves as a concern (they must have missed our article on broken penises). Women were more worried about not being able to sufficiently please their partner. Over 31 percent were worried about not being flexible enough in bed.

Check out the rest of the survey results.

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Female Orgasm To Oral Sex; 9 Surprising Things Science Taught Us About Our Sex Lives In 2016

We're constantly reminded of sex, whether by a sultry magazine cover at the newsstand, a steamy scene at the movies, or a night at the bar. Science got its hands dirty this past year trying to unravel the latest patterns and trends in the field of sex research, a popular and often controversial area of interest. Here's what we learned.  

Sex: Why It Feels So Good

Many people will admit they love sex because it feels so good. It’s a source of pleasurable sensations that facilitate an emotional connection between two people, but science has found it’s also an altered state of consciousness. A study in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology found sexual pleasure floods the brain with a surge of neurochemicals â€" chemical messengers that forge emotions, feelings of attachment, and even love. The level of pleasure that’s felt is linked to the release of chemicals, which can be used to measure the intensity of an orgasm.

We discovered that if sexual stimulation is intense enough, and goes on long enough, synchronized activity could spread throughout the brain. This intense focused attention outcompetes usual self-awareness for access to consciousness, and so produces a state of sensory absorption and trance.

>Read More: How The Brain Functions During An Orgasm

So, how long should this euphoric-like state last?

In an article for The Conversationalist, Dr. Brendan Zietsch, a psychologist from the University of Queensland, focused on how long heterosexual couples report penetrative sex actually lasts. The findings revealed the average time for each couple, across all the times they had sex, ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes. Meanwhile, the average across all couples was 5.4 minutes. This means a couple will typically go for an average of 5.4 minutes every time they have sex. Zietsch suspects penis shape could influence how long men last in bed.

Who's Getting It On Vs. Who’s Not

Sexless Millennials

Dating apps like Tinder, frequently used by Millennials, have led casual sex to become more common. Naturally, we would assume Millennials are having more sex, but a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found more young people are living sexless lives than their counterparts born in the 1960s did at the same age. However, this does not mean a vast majority of young Millennials are having less sex than previous generations. It just means that the amount of people born in the early 1990s who are not having sex is larger than a similar cohort from previous years.

Sex In The “Golden” Years

Many believe once you get older, the sex becomes less and less frequent until it comes to a halt. This year, researchers have noted older adults are having more sex, and they agree it does get better with age. A survey conducted by the University of Guelph and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) found older couples are starting to be active and get creative by adopting new positions and activities.  People over 40 are still having sex, and becoming more adventurous in bed with more than half admitting they were more interested in trying new things to boost pleasure than they were a decade ago.

The elderly also continue to be sexually active, and consider sex essential to their well-being, happiness, and overall quality of life, especially after retirement. Some older adults abstain from sex due to health conditions, or loss of interest, but others refused to renounce it.

The concept of sex is pretty straight forward, but when it comes to the female orgasm, science is still figuring out one of the greatest mysteries.

Couple This is what science has taught us about our sex lives in 2016. Photo courtesy of Everton Vila, Public Domain

Women And Sex

The Female Orgasm: Hot Spots Of Pleasure

New research pinpoints there's a new understanding of the female orgasm: It incorporates the external clitoral glands, the internal region around the G-spot that corresponds to the internal clitoral bulbs, the cervix, and the sensory stimulation of non-genital areas, such as the nipples. In other words, it’s the stimulation of one or various erogenous zones that induces pleasure and orgasm during masturbation and sexual intercourse.

>Read More: Erotic Hypnosis For Sexual Climax With Mind Control

Researchers believe orgasms don't have to come from one site, nor from all sites, and most importantly, they don't have to be the same for every woman, nor for every sexual experience the woman has to be considered whole and valid. Orgasms are a very individual and subjective experience.

Female Orgasm Can Boost Fertility

Evolutionary biologists have debated the purpose of the female orgasm beyond just sexual pleasure. A study found orgasms could potentially boost fertility by as much as 15 percent. It performs some sort of “sperm-retention function,” meaning it could act as a suction to “suck up” semen into the vaginal canal. However, there are conflicting studies that debate whether the female orgasm has a biological purpose.

Women Receive Less Oral Sex

Not all is fair in love and oral sex. A study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found women are more than twice as likely to go down on their partners than men, but they are less likely to enjoy performing the act. The biggest gender difference in oral sex was the enjoyment of giving oral. More than half of men who had given cunnilingus reported enjoying it a lot, while an additional 41 percent enjoyed it somewhat, and 7 percent didn't enjoy it much or at all. Contrastingly, only 28 percent of the women who gave fellatio found it very pleasurable; for 55 it was somewhat pleasurable; and 17 percent didn't enjoy doing it. The findings suggest equal reciprocation could satisfy both partners.

>Read More: Does 'Going Down' On Your Partner Have Biological Roots?

Sex In Relationships

Good Sex In Long-Term Relationships

Couples often get into a rut about sex being boring and predictable, but great sex is possible in long-term relationships. A recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found long-term couples can reignite the spark, and have better sex, by being responsive to each other. Partners who are responsive to each other outside the bedroom are able to maintain their sexual desire.

More Sex Leads To Positive Feelings About Partners

Unsurprisingly, the more sex we have with our partners, the more likely we’ll begin to have more positive feelings towards them. A study from Florida State University found the frequency with which couples have sex has no influence on whether or not they report being happy with their relationship, but their sexual frequency does influence their more spontaneous, automatic, gut-level feelings about their partners. Whether sex is happening once a month or once every few hours, it’s really about quality over quantity.

In 2016, science has taught us there are shades of grey when it comes to sex â€" it’s not as concrete or simple as we believe.

See Also:

>Sex Once A Week Makes For A Happy Life (Unless You're Single)

Straight Women Turned On By Attractive Women Are Either 'Bisexual Or Gay', Says Study

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Migrant Sex Attacks Increased 133 Per Cent This Year

8 Dec, 20168 Dec, 2016

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The number of sex attacks by migrants has rapidly risen in Austria over the last year with statistics showing an increase of 133 per cent, an inquiry has revealed.

The anti-mass migration Freedom Party of Austria (FPÖ) brought the statistics of migrant sex attacks to light in the Austrian parliament after making an inquiry to the Interior Ministry. According to the Interior Ministry report, “from January 1 to September 30, 2016, 91 asylum seekers were investigated as suspects” in rape cases â€" a 133 per cent increase from 2015, Kronen Zeitung reports.

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The total number of rape allegations in Austria has gone down since 2015 from 688 suspects to 594 suspects. The number of incidents has also decreased in general from 826 to 674. But despite asylum seekers being a small fraction of the population in Austria, the statistics show that more than one in ten instances of rape, closer to one-fifth, are carried out by migrants.

The report also states that the vast majority of the migrants who are suspected of rape are of an Afghani origin with the number of Afghan suspects rising from 16 to 47. The number of Syrian rape suspects has also risen from three to 11.

Austrian People’s Party (ÖVP) Interior Minister Wolfgang Sobotka noted that the figures were too raw to make any real policy conclusions and said that they did not stand up to a scientific review because they were only quarterly or semi-annual statistics.

FPÖ deputy David Lasar, who made the initial inquiry, asked the interior minister what steps were being done to secure the safety of Austrians “due to the multitude of sexual assaults on women”. Sobotka replied to the FPÖ politician saying that police had been increased in certain urban hotspots as well as the deployment of plain clothes officers.

The number of migrants who have applied for asylum in Austria, by the Interior Ministry official statistics, has dropped to 34,657 from the nearly 89,000 who applied in 2015.

Some, like the FPÖ, have disputed the claim that less than the 37,000 migrant limit have come into the country. Earlier this year the party revealed that over 120,000 migrants had entered Austria’s borders, though many may have only passed through on their way to Germany and elsewhere.

Several of the rapes alleged to have been committed by migrants have made headlines in Austria over the last year. One of the most high-profile cases was the rape of a young boy at a swimming facility. The migrant responsible had his conviction for the crime overturned after a court said he likely didn’t know the boy was saying “no” at the time. He is set to be retried in the new year for the crime.

In another prominent case, a gang of nine migrants raped a German woman in the Austrian capital of Vienna. The men, aged 21 to 47, are said to have taken advantage of the girl on New Year’s Eve as she was severely intoxicated at the time.

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