Upscale Lingerie Store Employee Reveals What Her Job Was Like, And Some Of Her Stories Will Surprise You | Bored Panda

Upscale Lingerie Store Employee Reveals What Her Job Was Like, And Some Of Her Stories Will Surprise You


Every workplace has its own rules, but have you thought about what the inner workings of a fancy lingerie store are? It seems that there are only so many people who have experienced it from the inside, surrounding the place with a mysterious aura. Somebodysmama has decided to tell what really goes down behind closed lingerie shop doors, and their stories sound like a collection of hilariously intimate journal entries.

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“My first job out of high school was at an upscale lingerie store,” they said. “Working [there] was different than I expected.” All in all, they call the experience as a “fun” one. Till it lasted. “I was fired for lates. I was 18 and an idiot, trying to juggle school and work. I wish it had been for something funny.” Scroll down to check out what the bra slinger went through!
“My first job out of high school was at an upscale lingerie store. Here are some of my stories”



“It was a shock that people were permitted to try the undergarments in their bare flesh. Even thongs (which we all know go up where the poopoo comes out) were permitted.”
“Because of this strange and gross practice, we were allowed to “damage out” questionable items once a client left
It was usually a “code brown”, but there are other colors ladies can leave in things (because ladies can be grooooooss)”



“A coworker once screamed “code brown” on the sales floor and I ran to find her pointing at a bulging pair of hanging panties. Stains are one thing, but chunks? I grabbed the trash can, intending to drop it in (hanger and all) and then I saw the gold-flake wrapper and laughed. It was chocolate. A kid had obviously chewed and then spit a whole bar into the crotch of expensive, lacy underwear. Gross, but I don’t blame him. Our chocolate was nasty.”
“It’s widely understood that most women are wearing the wrong size bra, but it was frustrating to discover what boobs look like in a fitting bra. That voluptuous curve of a barely concealed breast peaking over a cup in a lingerie ad is achieved with under-padding in a too-small bra. Convincing women they will not look like that if their bras are comfortable (and still making a sale) took finesse. I’d usually convince them to just buy something skimpy that made them feel amazing for when they took off their all-day boob gear.”
“I was not prepared for how many grieving people would come in to purchase final nightgowns for their beloved mother/wife/sister or daughter for burial. It was often enough that we had an unmarked section of modest nightgowns we curated just for that purpose.”
“My best customer was a man. I would hold one extra-large item of every new style that arrived for him, and he would buy every item he tried on. I say he was my customer, because I was the only one that would let him use the changing room :( it was a less kind time for men like him”
“My second best customer was a “homeless” woman. She was a world-class panhandler, and would often come in wearing her raggedy street attire, but this lady made BANK. Under that grungy coat and tattered sweater she wore our most expensive bras. Things I couldn’t afford.”
“Don’t laugh, but I was shocked by all the boobs. So. Many. Boobs. We had a professional tone and environment that put women at ease like they were getting a spa day, so it was normal for them to flop them out as I was closing the changing room door behind us. The first bridal party I served all crammed together with little me and just disrobed left and right. I ended up in a sea of boobs that all wanted measuring. I was rattled. I eventually became boob blind, but the first few months it always gave me pause when a lady was staring at me with her googly chest eyeballs.”
“So… deodorant. If you want another human to put their face near your cleavage and measure your rib cage, consider some deodorant. And a shower, maybe. Or, if you live that stank life, at least buy something.
It was fun. I was sad when I got fired.
Edit to add: I was fired for lates. I was 18 and an idiot trying to juggle school and work. I wish it had been for something funny.”





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Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony celebrates 24th year

“It’s terribly British, isn’t it,” said the man next to me at last night’s Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony at the (appropriately named) In and Out Club in St James’s. He was referring, of course, to the yearly bash â€" now in its 24th year â€" in which the Literary Review magazine nominates half a dozen passages from contemporary fiction seen to represent sex at its most cringeworthy, reads them out to champagne-infused guffaws, and then awards a prize to the author of the worst.

It is a terribly British event, but it also provides a snarky satisfaction that transcends nationality. Because for anyone with the sneaking suspicion that the sexual act is better done or seen than artistically described â€" that its complex idiosyncrasy is one of the few things that lie outside the remit of the otherwise resourceful English language â€" the Bad Sex Awards hits its mark.

Yet as the entrants this year make clear, writing about sex with flagrant abominableness is still cheerily far from going out of fashion. Hearty examples were a passage from Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis’s The Butcher’s Hook:

When his hand goes to my breasts, my feet are envious. I slide my hands down his back, all along his spine, rutted with bone like mud ridges in a dry field, to the audacious swell below.

“Audacious swell”? Quite.

Then there was the American Gayle Forman’s entry, from Leave Me:

They were in that room, Jason had slammed the door and devoured her with his mouth, his hands, which were everywhere. As if he were ravenous. And she remembered standing in front of him, her dress a puddle on the floor, and how she’d started to shake, her knees knocking together, like she was a virgin, like this was the first time.

Erri de Luca.
Claudio Onorati/EPA

But the gong went to the Italian poet and translator Erri De Luca for The Day Before Happiness (de Luca understandably wasn’t present). “My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach,” the Neapolitan was justly rebuked for writing:

With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her … I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe.

Not everyone felt this deserved the award â€" as an American woman nearby remarked to me, this could clearly be read as satire, plain and simple. Perhaps, but satire doesn’t necessarily get you home dry, especially when it’s ambiguous. After all, the book, a coming of age story, is not particularly comic in the way that, for instance, the early sex-mad tomes of Philip Roth and Martin Amis were.

In fact, the awards were conceived not to discourage writing about sex, but to discourage writing about sex badly. The wording of the original mission statement in 1993 by Auberon Waugh, then editor of the Literary Review, is revealing: the bash was to “draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction”.

It would be helpful to have some guidance on what non-redundant, good sex writing looks like, since it’s not entirely clear whether it can exist in a literary form at all. After all, the most sexually charged novels of the last 100 or so years use the rule of thumb that the act is unmentionable, boring, or best only suggested.

The novels of Dickens, Eliot and Trollope are full of sexual yearning, and their emotional and erotic pull are none the worse for the veiled references to kissing and love. Even in 20th century novels with subject matter devoted to romantic entanglements, the sexual act is not necessarily spelled out or even mentioned â€" Iris Murdoch doesn’t go further than “making love” as an account of the nocturnal activities of her highly sexually charged couple Dora and Paul in The Bell (1958).

And while Margaret Drabble’s super-sexy characters Clara and Gabriel get pretty steamy in Jerusalem the Golden, nothing beyond the fact is spelled out. It’s a blessed relief which does nothing to diminish the profoundly saucy atmosphere of the book.

The awards are also a humorous reminder not just of the imaginative power but also of the literary value of discipline and restraint in matters of bonking. A recent book about prime minster Herbert Asquith’s passionate attachment to Venetia Stanley tells of his thousands of letters to her, all passionately headed with variants of “my own darling” and “darlingest”.

Asquith’s desperate fixation with Stanley pours out from every page, but had he indulged in anything more sexually explicit than the desire to “go for a little drive, or will you come to Downing St & have a talk”, it would hardly have helped, and probably only hindered, the accumulated intensity of his fixation. Voluble lusters: take note.

Zoe Strimpel, PhD Candidate, University of Sussex

"

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Uber to riders: No sex, and leave your guns at home

By Patrick May,  The Mercury News

The inside of an Uber vehicle, that ”third place” that so many of us often find ourselves these days, should also be a safe place, a clean place, a happy place.

Or so says Uber, which this week issued a set of “Uber Community Guidelines”  to keep both riders and drivers on their best behavior.

As the San Francisco-based ride-sharing giant puts it in its press release, “We want Uber to be enjoyable and safe for everyone. These ground rules are designed to ensure that riders and drivers have a five star ride when using Uber.”

Let’s have a look, shall we?

For starters, Uber wants us all to know that sex during a ride is a big no-no. Even flirting is prohibited between the rider and their driver or fellow passengers. (So, yes, group sex is out.) And don’t even think about calling your driver after the ride on their personal cell number and trying to set up a date. In its guidelines, Uber stresses that it has a ”no sex rule” and, just to make sure all you sex-in-public aficionados get the memo, it repeats “no sex” over and over like some Victorian Age mantra.

And  while you’re sitting in the back seat not having sex with anyone else in the car, you should also not vomit.

To be specific, Uber’s guidelines ban “vomiting due to excessive alcohol consumption,” so you could read that to mean that a flu-induced mishap wouldn’t necessarily get you banned forever from an Uber vehicle. But do try and avoid it anyway.

“Most riders show drivers the respect they deserve,” the company said. “But some don’t â€" whether it’s leaving trash in the car, throwing up in the back seat after too much alcohol or asking a driver to break the speed limit so they can get to their appointment on time. This kind of poor behavior is not OK.”

In the interest of time, we’ve condensed for you some of the other things Uber would like you not to do while in their care:

• Don’t touch other passengers.

• Don’t touch the driver.

• Don’t keep the driver waiting.

• Don’t swear.

• Don’t slam the car door.

• Don’t spill your Starbucks Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk and then not clean it up.

• Don’t look at people suspiciously if they’re not like you.

• Don’t comment on other riders’ appearances.

• Don’t ask your fellow rider if he/she is single.

• Don’t raise your voice.

• And last but not least, don’t bring your firearm with you on an Uber ride.

Outside of that, have a nice ride.

"

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How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husband’s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

“This is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.”

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

“Men are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.”

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

“The first step won’t be sex. It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those adult ­convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.”

â€"Katharine O’Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

“What a great problem to have! It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!”

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

More from our partners:

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Randy couple filmed having sex by astonished walkers on mountain peak

BAREBACK MOUNTAIN

The saucy pair's intimate encounter on a mountain top has been shared by thousands on social media

A RANDY couple were caught on camera having sex on a mountain peak known locally as the ‘Door of the Devil’.

This amorous pair were filmed romping on the tourist beauty spot overlooking Panchimalco in El Salvador.

>

CEN

The girl is seen with her trousers off while her partner kneels between her thighs

not lovin' it

Couple 'caught having sex in McDonald's car park as boy, six, watched on'

AISLE BE BLOWN

Randy couple caught on CCTV having sex in between shelves in McColl’s Post Office

Get a room

'We were doing it doggy style and we heard sirens'... women reveal when they were caught having sex in public

HOT STUFF

Gemma Arterton and Idris Elba have steamy sex scene for new movie 100 Streets

'DON'T STOP US NOW!'

Brazen couple caught performing public sex act - then blast COPS for interrupting them

DOGGY PADDLE

Shocking moment randy couple are caught having sex just metres from other bathers in public swimming pool

They got hot and steamy not realising their passionate encounter would be shared by thousands of people on social media.

The couple â€" who have not been identified â€" were seen by astonished walkers on another peak who snapped the lovers in the height of passion and uploaded the image.

The girl is seen with her trousers off while her partner kneels between her thighs.

Internet commentators were quick to share their views.

Alexander Nonvers said they should “pay for a motel”, while another Andres Sanchez revealed: “I did it too â€" die happy.”

A third called ‘Dalila from Valencia’ commented: “Ah I think whoever uploaded this is jealous haha.”

Shocking footage recently showed a randy couple brazenly romping in a public swimming pool.

Brazen couple filmed having sex in busy public pool right next to other swimmers

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We pay for your stories! Do you have a story for The Sun Online news team? Email us at tips@the-sun.co.uk or call 0207 782 4368

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"

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Jenna Dewan-Tatum Reveals Why Sex Is So Good With Channing Tatum

Jenna Dewan Tatum and Channing Tatum have proven to be one of the strongest, lasting couple in the industry, and we think we know why...sex!

Time and time again the pair have opened up about their marriage and noted that one of the most important facets of their relationship is their sex life. Now, Jenna covers the January issue of >Cosmopolitan magazine and gets candid about why the sex is so good.

"I've always been a very sexual person," she revealed. "We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life]."

Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

She further explained, "Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It's primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way. He's very in tune with that."

Perhaps that's a quality dancers like Jenna and Channing can sense about one another. From the start of their relationship, the two hit it off based solely on vibesâ€"before they'd ever even kissed!

Jenna recalls the moment her now-hubby approached her in their hotel and admitted he wanted to be with her and nobody else.

"It was two nights of being weird. We hadn't even kissed," she remembered. "And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers. His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door."

Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

LOL! That's a picture and a half, isn't it? She continued, "He was like,'I couldn't stop thinking about you. Let's do this. I just want to be with you.' From that point forward, we were together."

And thanks to that funny yet totally adorable story, we continue to believe in love.

Meanwhile, Channing has also talked to Cosmo about the importance of sex in his marriage. During an interview with Editor-in-Chief Joanna Coles, he explained, "Me and sex are friends."

Fortunately, he elaborated, "It's not a means. It should be something that enriches your life. It shouldn't be the only reason you're in a relationship."

He admitted that he sometimes lets his wife take the reigns in the sack (noting that she's quite "athletic") but continued, "We get down. Me and Jenna have a great sex life. We communicate very well."

Noted!

"

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Jenna Dewan Tatum Dishes on Sex Life with Channing Tatum

It’s safe to say Jenna Dewan Tatum and Channing Tatum know how to keep their marriage spicy.

Dewan Tatum isn’t shy about discussing the couple’s romantic relationship in the January issue of >Cosmopolitan, revealing, “We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life].”

“…I’ve always been a very sexual person,” the 36-year-old admits, adding, “Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way.”

She says that “Channing is very much the same way. He’s very in tune with that.”

The couple celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary this past July. They tied the knot just three years after meeting on the set of their 2006 movie Step Up.

Despite instant attraction, the romance took some time to develop while they were filming the dance movie. In fact, Dewan Tatum says they tip-toed around their feelings: “It was two nights of being weird.”

“We hadn’t even kissed. And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers,” she recalls. “His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door.”

RELATED VIDEO: Jenna Dewan Tatum Stresses the Importance of Date Nights with Channing Tatum

Dewan Tatum reveals that she had previously told the hunky star, 36, he didn’t seem ready to begin a new romance, but on that night, “He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.” Now, the pair are happy parents to daughter Everly, 3. Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan The January issue of Cosmopolitan hits newsstands on Dec. 13. "

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This is what having sex with Channing Tatum is like

If the bedroom’s rocking, don’t come knocking on Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum‘s door.

“… I’ve always been a very sexual person. We definitely have a very happy and healthy [sex life],” the actress spilled in the January issue of Cosmopolitan.

“Something about being a dancer connects you to your physical body. It’s primal, earthy, sexual energy by nature. You feel your body in a certain way. Channing is very much the same way.”

>Tatum covers the January 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan.Photo: Eric Ray Davidson/Cosmopolitan

Married for seven years, Channing and Jenna, both 36, met on the set of the 2006 dance flick “Step Up.” While their steamy chemistry brought the film to life, the couple’s real-life romance was heating up off screen.

But as Jenna recalled, Channing had an interesting way of making their relationship official.

“It was two nights of being weird. We hadn’t even kissed,” she explained. “And then he went out partying with a bunch of dancers. His room was right above mine, and he came down drunk with a sombrero on, banging on my door. He was like, ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Let’s do this. I just want to be with you.’ From that point forward, we were together.”

After getting engaged in September 2008, Channing and Jenna tied the knot the following July. Four years later, they welcomed daughter Everly. Though Jenna’s adjusted to motherhood, as a Reiki enthusiast she uses the Japanese healing technique in her family’s daily life.

“I like to play around. I’ll do it with Evie when she’s getting overwhelmed,” Jenna shared. “It’s an ancient healing modality from Japan where you tap into your conscious energy conflict. Chan loves it. He gets all the nice side effects of having a hippie wife.”

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