Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony celebrates 24th year

“It’s terribly British, isn’t it,” said the man next to me at last night’s Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony at the (appropriately named) In and Out Club in St James’s. He was referring, of course, to the yearly bash â€" now in its 24th year â€" in which the Literary Review magazine nominates half a dozen passages from contemporary fiction seen to represent sex at its most cringeworthy, reads them out to champagne-infused guffaws, and then awards a prize to the author of the worst.

It is a terribly British event, but it also provides a snarky satisfaction that transcends nationality. Because for anyone with the sneaking suspicion that the sexual act is better done or seen than artistically described â€" that its complex idiosyncrasy is one of the few things that lie outside the remit of the otherwise resourceful English language â€" the Bad Sex Awards hits its mark.

Yet as the entrants this year make clear, writing about sex with flagrant abominableness is still cheerily far from going out of fashion. Hearty examples were a passage from Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis’s The Butcher’s Hook:

When his hand goes to my breasts, my feet are envious. I slide my hands down his back, all along his spine, rutted with bone like mud ridges in a dry field, to the audacious swell below.

“Audacious swell”? Quite.

Then there was the American Gayle Forman’s entry, from Leave Me:

They were in that room, Jason had slammed the door and devoured her with his mouth, his hands, which were everywhere. As if he were ravenous. And she remembered standing in front of him, her dress a puddle on the floor, and how she’d started to shake, her knees knocking together, like she was a virgin, like this was the first time.

Erri de Luca.
Claudio Onorati/EPA

But the gong went to the Italian poet and translator Erri De Luca for The Day Before Happiness (de Luca understandably wasn’t present). “My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach,” the Neapolitan was justly rebuked for writing:

With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her … I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe.

Not everyone felt this deserved the award â€" as an American woman nearby remarked to me, this could clearly be read as satire, plain and simple. Perhaps, but satire doesn’t necessarily get you home dry, especially when it’s ambiguous. After all, the book, a coming of age story, is not particularly comic in the way that, for instance, the early sex-mad tomes of Philip Roth and Martin Amis were.

In fact, the awards were conceived not to discourage writing about sex, but to discourage writing about sex badly. The wording of the original mission statement in 1993 by Auberon Waugh, then editor of the Literary Review, is revealing: the bash was to “draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction”.

It would be helpful to have some guidance on what non-redundant, good sex writing looks like, since it’s not entirely clear whether it can exist in a literary form at all. After all, the most sexually charged novels of the last 100 or so years use the rule of thumb that the act is unmentionable, boring, or best only suggested.

The novels of Dickens, Eliot and Trollope are full of sexual yearning, and their emotional and erotic pull are none the worse for the veiled references to kissing and love. Even in 20th century novels with subject matter devoted to romantic entanglements, the sexual act is not necessarily spelled out or even mentioned â€" Iris Murdoch doesn’t go further than “making love” as an account of the nocturnal activities of her highly sexually charged couple Dora and Paul in The Bell (1958).

And while Margaret Drabble’s super-sexy characters Clara and Gabriel get pretty steamy in Jerusalem the Golden, nothing beyond the fact is spelled out. It’s a blessed relief which does nothing to diminish the profoundly saucy atmosphere of the book.

The awards are also a humorous reminder not just of the imaginative power but also of the literary value of discipline and restraint in matters of bonking. A recent book about prime minster Herbert Asquith’s passionate attachment to Venetia Stanley tells of his thousands of letters to her, all passionately headed with variants of “my own darling” and “darlingest”.

Asquith’s desperate fixation with Stanley pours out from every page, but had he indulged in anything more sexually explicit than the desire to “go for a little drive, or will you come to Downing St & have a talk”, it would hardly have helped, and probably only hindered, the accumulated intensity of his fixation. Voluble lusters: take note.

Zoe Strimpel, PhD Candidate, University of Sussex

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Porn, Sex And Marriage: What's OK, And What Isn't? : NPR

Warning: Today's post deals with sexual content and may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Dear Sugar Radio is a weekly podcast from member station WBUR. Hosts Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed offer "radical empathy" and advice on everything from relationships and parenthood to dealing with drug problems or anxiety.

>

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Today they're delving into the adult topics of pornography and masturbation. A man says he masturbates regularly while watching pornography but still maintains a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. But he is still "troubled" by the notion that the porn industry is exploitative of performers, and questions whether it is morally acceptable to fantasize about women other than his wife.

To help in their discussion of these topics, the Sugars are joined by Wendy Maltz, sex therapist and co-author of The Porn Trap.

Dear Sugars,

Is it bad to masturbate to online porn? I am a happily married man in my mid-50s, and have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. We have a satisfying sex life, having sex approximately once every week.

However, I go online to masturbate to porn about three times a week. I work from home and find that I become sexually turned on during the working day. I look at masturbation as a healthy release. Viewing online porn allows me to accomplish the "task" more quickly and get back to work.

That other purveyor of personal wisdom, Dr. Phil, advises that watching porn is an immoral betrayal of a marital partner and says the women in porn videos are likely to have been abused as children and are being exploited. I have a teenage daughter and avoid videos of young girls, preferring age-appropriate subjects in the so-called "mature" category. I also avoid watching porn up to 24 hours before I am likely to have a date with my wife in order to be able to enjoy and contribute to our sex together.

>

My wife knows that I look at porn. While we don't discuss it, she doesn't feel that it is a betrayal of her. I look at viewing porn as an extension of masturbation, which I believe is healthy and a necessary release, one that is as private as going to the bathroom. If not for porn, I would still masturbate. I doubt Dr. Phil believes that masturbation is immoral. Is masturbating while fantasizing about someone besides my wife immoral? Assuming that online porn is the problem, is it possible that you can make distinctions?

I know that many of the women on porn sites are probably psychologically damaged in some way, and that the pornography industry may be contributing to that damage. On the other hand, is it possible that accepting money for video sex is not always exploitative? Is it possible that some of the women who perform in online sex videos do it out of a healthy appreciation of sex?

Signed,

Troubled by Porn

Steve Almond: I could have written this letter, and I felt a great sense of sympathy for this guy who's trying to figure out the same questions I struggle with when I bother to even struggle with them: Am I complicit in something that is very clearly against my moral code? In what ways? And what are my other alternatives?

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Follow the Sugars on Twitter @dearsugarradio.

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I think he is in a productive state of bewilderment, and I think most of the men of conscience who consume porn in one way or another are either suppressing this set of questions or are struggling with them. The porn industry is like football or like meat or like fossil fuels â€" it's essentially exploitative. But because I have a libido that operates differently than my wife's, I get horny and I want relief. I lament that I no longer sit there and do the imaginative work of masturbating without porn. There are a lot of people who aren't even grappling with the ways in which pornography is an ethical concern because, frankly, people don't want porn served with a side dish of ethics.

Wendy Maltz: I have a lot of respect for the man who wrote this letter. He's really thinking about his relationship to porn and trying to figure it out. He doesn't have the secrecy and shame element going on that a lot of people have with porn. But there's something happening â€" he's starting to question it. I can't say if his porn use in particular is a good thing or a bad thing. It's so personal. People have ask themselves, "What does porn mean to me? What is it doing to me? Where's it taking me?"

Cheryl Strayed: What do you mean when you say "Where's it taking me?" Do you mean to suggest that, in some ways, his porn use could be robbing his marriage of a sort of intimacy that it might have if he didn't use it?

Wendy: Porn is a very powerful product. It's like nothing we've ever seen before. There's a conditioning process associated with porn. It can become a stronger habit. Our sexual arousal response gets patterned to particular cues, and those cues can be the images in porn or they can be the smell of a lover's neck. Images are very powerful, so porn could be affecting the intimacy he has with his wife in ways he's not even aware of. He says porn is not an issue in his marriage, but he and his wife aren't really talking about its place in their relationship either.

Steve: There's a kind of "don't-ask-don't-tell" policy when it comes to porn in relationships. Pornography, predominantly for men, is a little secret cavern â€" it's a place we go, even if we're in happy, deeply communicative relationships, as it seems this guy is.

Cheryl: Part of my response to this letter is that there's nothing wrong. This guy wants to have an orgasm about four times a week. Presumably, if his wife wanted to have sex more, she would be making advances towards him. And he has a different sex drive than she does, and so he just takes care of himself. He doesn't need to tell his wife. There is such thing as privacy, even when you're married to somebody. Wendy, is this inherently a bad setup, or are you thinking, well clearly, because he's asking these questions, he's not entirely comfortable with it?

>

Wendy: From a clinical perspective, we're not talking about someone who is disassociated or who uses porn in lieu of sex, but there's something going on for him â€" he signed his letter "Troubled by Porn." One of the things that I wonder about is, why does he use porn a lot while he's working? Is sexual release a way of dealing with stress for him? Maybe he's not feeling as productive or as recognized in his field as he'd like to be? Has porn become a way that he self-soothes? And if so, is that at the expense of learning other ways to take care of himself â€" reaching out to a real person or going for a run?

The other thing is his age. Being a man in his mid-50s, it can take a little longer to get sexually aroused. The erections aren't as firm. Sex can become a little bit more laborious in terms of functioning, but under usual circumstances, that's offset by really good communication with a partner you've been with for years.

Cheryl: Or by a sense of humor â€" that sex doesn't have to be a performance. It doesn't always have to equal orgasm. It's a sensual exchange of pleasure and communication.

Wendy: And there's this wonderful growth that a couple can have. I've been married for nearly 40 years now, but I had a rough beginning as a sexual person. I've now experienced what it's like to be in a long-term relationship where you don't have a heavy influence of porn and where you can really work with your partner and learn with your partner and grow with your partner sexually. I think a lot of couples are missing out on that growth.

Steve: Troubled by Porn, you've reached a moment where you have to ask yourself, "What is the meaning of porn for me? And if I'm unsettled, do I need to start having the difficult, but necessary, discussion with my wife to say, 'I feel greater desire and I want it to be toward you. I want to find a better balance between my porn use and our sex life together.' "

You can get more advice from the Sugars each week on >Dear Sugar Radio from WBUR. Listen to the full episode to hear more about how porn can affect relationships.

Have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugarradio@gmail.com and it may be answered on a future episode.

You can also listen to Dear Sugar Radio on >iTunes, >Stitcher or your favorite podcast app.

"

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Cherokee Nation Will Now Recognize Same-Sex Marriage

The Cherokee Nation will now recognize same-sex marriage, according to an opinion issued Friday by the tribe’s attorney general.

Todd Hembree, the tribe’s attorney general, wrote in his opinion:

The right to marry without the freedom to marry the person of one’s choice is no right at all. The history of perpetual partnerships and marriage among Cherokees supports the conclusion that Cherokee citizens have a fundamental right not only to choose a spouse but also, with mutual consent, to join together and form a household irrespective of sexual orientation.

The decision followed a request made by the tribe’s tax commissioner for an official opinion on the issue a few weeks ago.

“We were increasingly being contacted by departments in the Cherokee Nation on how to handle certain issues with same-sex marriage,” Chrissi Nimmo, assistant attorney general of the Cherokee Nation, told The Huffington Post on Friday.

Native American nations are governed by Congress, not the federal courts. So the 2015 Supreme Court decision to recognize gay marriage in all 50 states did not legally affect the Cherokee Nation, but Nimmo said the bulk of Friday’s decision was indeed informed by it.

Hembree’s decision was also influenced by historical Cherokee Nation sexuality narratives. He wrote in Friday’s decision:

Our oral history teaches us also that the Cherokee and Euro-American worldviews differed dramatically regarding appropriate gender roles, marriage, sexuality, and spiritual beliefs. Indeed, while the majority of Cherokees subscribed to the traditional gender roles, evidence suggests a tradition of homosexuality or alternative sexuality among a minority of Cherokees.

“It think it’s a really interesting part of the decision,” Nimmo told HuffPost. “Through historical research, we were able to identify research sources that indicate there was some type of historical recognition of homosexuality.”

Hembree’s opinion nullifies a law the tribe passed 12 years ago called the Cherokee Nation and Family Protection Act, which banned same-sex marriage among tribe members. 

Though same-sex marriage is still illegal in some Native American tribes, like the Navajo Nation, Nimmo believes most tribes don’t take a stance on it either way. 

“I think you will see a mixed reaction [to Friday’s decision] like you do in the American public at large,” Nimmo told HuffPost. “Without a doubt, there will be tribal members and officials who support this and are proud of this, and there will be others ... who don’t like it.”

The Cherokee Nation’s legal recognition of same-sex marriage will take effect immediately. Nimmo said Hembree’s decision is “binding and considered legally valid,” though it can be challenged by other Cherokee officials at any time.

“I don’t really know who would challenge it,” Nimmo added.

Supporters of the decision shared their excitement on social media:

"

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Zika fears not changing South Floridians' sex habits

You delay having kids. You take a cold shower for months after you've traveled to Brazil. Or you use condoms, even if you're already pregnant.

Such is life with Zika, if you play by the rules.

Safe sex practices have been part of the official Zika prevention guidelines since early this year, when researchers confirmed the virus that can cause severe birth defects could be transmitted by sexual contact as well as mosquito bites.

The current federal Centers for Disease Control precautions advise anywhere from eight weeks up to six months of abstinence or condom use, depending on where you live, where you travel, and if you are pregnant or want to be. While expectant couples are the main target, the guidelines apply to anyone who doesn't want to get Zika.

So are people actually going to live like this?

Some public health experts are doubtful.

"I have talked with quite a few physicians, as well as sexually active patients. And I have not encountered anyone who has changed their sexual behavior. It's the hardest thing in the world is to get people to do," said Dr. Sonjia Kenya, an HIV researcher and sexologist at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

What's the problem? Kenya thinks, in part, the consequences of Zika just aren't scary enough, unless you are a pregnant woman worried about becoming infected.

Most everyone else "has become pretty immune to the Zika media hype," said Kenya, author of "Sex in South Beach," who has been called a multicultural Dr. Ruth. "There is something about the sun and the beach and alcohol that invites people to be more relaxed."

The Sunshine State already is a hotbed for sexually transmitted disease -- and yes, the CDC considers Zika an STD, like gonorrhea and syphillis and HIV.

The CDC's annual HIV Surveillance Report, released this week , found the rate of new infections in South Florida's cities over the past year shot up more than three times the national average.

"If getting HIV doesn't scare you into changing your behavior, I don't think Zika will," Kenya said.

True, being bitten by a Zika-infected mosquito remains by far the most common way humans get the virus. As of Dec. 7, the CDC has confirmed 38 sexually transmitted Zika cases out of 4,575 in the U.S.

That's why the CDC continues to tell people the best prevention practice is to slather on bug spray containing DEET -- even if they are clubbing on South Beach or walking the dog. CDC officials say the products are safe for pregnant women and should be used by those expecting.

Since Aug. 1, there have been three sections of Miami-Dade County that at some point were classified as active transmission zones, placing them under the strict CDC "red" advisory that suggested pregnant women not travel there. The zones included the Wynwood area near downtown Miami, portions of South and North Miami Beach, and Little River.

People who did go there, or were residents, were advised to abstain from sex or "consistently" use condoms if they were pregnant, considering pregnancy or did not want to pass the virus. Women were told to follow these guidelines for eight weeks -- but men needed to do so for six months, as researchers believe Zika can live in seminal fluid for at least that long.

On Friday, Gov. Rick Scott declared the last of those areas, a 1.5-square mile tract in South Miami Beach, free of active transmission, lifting the CDC's no-travel recommendation for pregnant women. But the four former transmission zones, along with all of Miami-Dade County, remain under a "yellow" CDC advisory that includes condom use, abstinence and other precautions for expectant couples or people considering conceiving.

Sexual precautions also are suggested for anyone who has traveled to Zika outbreak countries such as portions of Mexico and Brazil, all of Puerto Rico, and many other countries. For a full list of travel advisories, go to: cdc.gov/travel or call 800-232-4636.

The CDC has drafted guidance for physicians and public health workers regarding Zika and sexual transmission. Officials with the Florida Department of Health said they discuss Zika sex guidelines with their patients and put condoms in the Zika prevention kits distributed to pregnant women.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF), a global patient care and education organization, has three three large billboard advertisements -- including one with a giant three-dimensional mosquito -- in Miami-Dade County promoting condom use for Zika prevention.

Michael Kahane, AHF's southern bureau chief, said the organization has been distributing condoms along with Zika fact sheets in South Florida and Jamaica, as well as in Puerto Rico, where public health officials predict one in four residents may become Zika postive.

In the Caribbean countries, "people assume everyone already has it or is going to get it. So getting infected is no big deal unless you're pregnant," Kahane said.

While Kahane said that while there has been public health education about Zika, "a lot of people in the U.S. have told me they had no idea it could be sexually transmitted," Kahane said. "I think the general public just isn't aware."

A stroll though Fort Lauderdale's Himmarshee Village entertainment district on an early December night, where diners and drinkers filled outdoor tables, suggested Kahane might be right.

"SIX MONTHS?" cried Adrienne Airhart, 32, when asked how long she thought Zika might live in semen. Airhart, a Los Angeles visitor who had just finished a guided bike trip of the area's bars with pals, had guessed 22 months.

"That's really terrifying," said Airhart, who used to live in Coral Springs. "I am totally not going to Miami."

Her also surprised boyfriend, Aristotle Georgeson, 28, said he didn't know having sex could spread Zika. "So I would definitely let my partner know if I felt sick," he said.

But did he know that there was only a 20 percent chance he would even know he had a Zika infection? That's a problem, he agreed. "And it's not like I can look at a mosquito and know it had Zika," he said.

Dr. Aaron Elkin, a Hollywood obstetrician-gynecologist and past president of the Broward County Medical Association, said the majority of his patients "absolutely" are changing their health and sexual practices due to Zika.

"We are seeing more and more people living in our area afraid of becoming pregnant," said Elkin, who has been involved with federal Zika policy as a John McCain Fellow with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. "A lot of them are asking me, 'What should I do?' They are very receptive when we talk about steps they can take."

Elkin now does Zika counseling during every prenatal visit, as recommended by the CDC, and patients can pick up free condoms at the office's front desk. His practice is one of the few that, at this point, can run and process Zika tests, cutting wait times for results. So far, Elkin has screened over 200 patients for the virus and predicts, in the future, Zika testing will become a prenatal care standard, as it has for HIV.

Some couples are opting to hold off conception until a Zika vaccine is available, Elkin said, which could be within two years. If the biological clock is ticking, others are willing to move out of the area until their baby arrives.

The majority of South Floridians determined to conceive, however, stay here and wrestle with Zika.

"You can't stop mosquitoes, you can't stop travel and you can't stop sex," Elkin said. "We need to think about how we deal with patients who live here. We can't just say nobody who lives in Miami-Dade can get pregnant until there's a vaccine."

The number of in-vitro fertilizations performed at the Fertility & IVF Center of Miami has been slightly lower this year over last, said medical director Dr. Michael Jacobs, although he is not sure that is due to Zika. A few couples, before Miami-Dade County came under the CDC advisory, earlier this year froze sperm because the male partner was traveling repeatedly to Zika hot zone countries, Jacobs said.

He suspects that some people, including pregnant couples, aren't following all of the CDC Zika prevention recommendations, from applying bug repellent to using condoms. Jacobs said when Miami Beach still had active transmission zones, he spotted a very pregnant woman picnicking outdoors.

"It's all over the news, you are about to give birth, and you are standing next to water with a bunch of mosquitoes in it. I don't understand it," Jacobs said.

dlade@sunsentinel.com and 954-356-4295

SEX AND ZIKA

The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggest expectant couples or those considering conceiving in the near future take these sexual precautions. Pregnant women are those most at risk, as the Zika virus can cause severe fetal abnormalities, but anyone can get Zika through sex. Common Zika symptoms include: fever, rash, joint pain and red eyes.

Women who live in Miami-Dade County or frequently travel there should wait eight weeks before trying to become pregnant. They should abstain from sex or consistently use condoms during this time.

Men who live in Miami-Dade County or frequently travel there should wait six months before trying to get their partner pregnant. They should abstain from sex or consistently use condoms during this time.

Expectant couples where one or both partners either live or have traveled to Miami-Dade County should consistently use condoms, or abstain from sex, until after delivery.

The above guidelines also apply to couples in which one partner has traveled to a country with active Zika transmision.

For more information on Zika prevention: cdc.gov or 800-232-4636√.

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