Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony celebrates 24th year

“It’s terribly British, isn’t it,” said the man next to me at last night’s Bad Sex in Fiction Awards ceremony at the (appropriately named) In and Out Club in St James’s. He was referring, of course, to the yearly bash â€" now in its 24th year â€" in which the Literary Review magazine nominates half a dozen passages from contemporary fiction seen to represent sex at its most cringeworthy, reads them out to champagne-infused guffaws, and then awards a prize to the author of the worst.

It is a terribly British event, but it also provides a snarky satisfaction that transcends nationality. Because for anyone with the sneaking suspicion that the sexual act is better done or seen than artistically described â€" that its complex idiosyncrasy is one of the few things that lie outside the remit of the otherwise resourceful English language â€" the Bad Sex Awards hits its mark.

Yet as the entrants this year make clear, writing about sex with flagrant abominableness is still cheerily far from going out of fashion. Hearty examples were a passage from Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis’s The Butcher’s Hook:

When his hand goes to my breasts, my feet are envious. I slide my hands down his back, all along his spine, rutted with bone like mud ridges in a dry field, to the audacious swell below.

“Audacious swell”? Quite.

Then there was the American Gayle Forman’s entry, from Leave Me:

They were in that room, Jason had slammed the door and devoured her with his mouth, his hands, which were everywhere. As if he were ravenous. And she remembered standing in front of him, her dress a puddle on the floor, and how she’d started to shake, her knees knocking together, like she was a virgin, like this was the first time.

Erri de Luca.
Claudio Onorati/EPA

But the gong went to the Italian poet and translator Erri De Luca for The Day Before Happiness (de Luca understandably wasn’t present). “My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach,” the Neapolitan was justly rebuked for writing:

With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her … I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe.

Not everyone felt this deserved the award â€" as an American woman nearby remarked to me, this could clearly be read as satire, plain and simple. Perhaps, but satire doesn’t necessarily get you home dry, especially when it’s ambiguous. After all, the book, a coming of age story, is not particularly comic in the way that, for instance, the early sex-mad tomes of Philip Roth and Martin Amis were.

In fact, the awards were conceived not to discourage writing about sex, but to discourage writing about sex badly. The wording of the original mission statement in 1993 by Auberon Waugh, then editor of the Literary Review, is revealing: the bash was to “draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction”.

It would be helpful to have some guidance on what non-redundant, good sex writing looks like, since it’s not entirely clear whether it can exist in a literary form at all. After all, the most sexually charged novels of the last 100 or so years use the rule of thumb that the act is unmentionable, boring, or best only suggested.

The novels of Dickens, Eliot and Trollope are full of sexual yearning, and their emotional and erotic pull are none the worse for the veiled references to kissing and love. Even in 20th century novels with subject matter devoted to romantic entanglements, the sexual act is not necessarily spelled out or even mentioned â€" Iris Murdoch doesn’t go further than “making love” as an account of the nocturnal activities of her highly sexually charged couple Dora and Paul in The Bell (1958).

And while Margaret Drabble’s super-sexy characters Clara and Gabriel get pretty steamy in Jerusalem the Golden, nothing beyond the fact is spelled out. It’s a blessed relief which does nothing to diminish the profoundly saucy atmosphere of the book.

The awards are also a humorous reminder not just of the imaginative power but also of the literary value of discipline and restraint in matters of bonking. A recent book about prime minster Herbert Asquith’s passionate attachment to Venetia Stanley tells of his thousands of letters to her, all passionately headed with variants of “my own darling” and “darlingest”.

Asquith’s desperate fixation with Stanley pours out from every page, but had he indulged in anything more sexually explicit than the desire to “go for a little drive, or will you come to Downing St & have a talk”, it would hardly have helped, and probably only hindered, the accumulated intensity of his fixation. Voluble lusters: take note.

Zoe Strimpel, PhD Candidate, University of Sussex

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How to Get Back to Having Sex After Pregnancy

PHOTO: NBC via Getty Images

My husband’s been totally focused on our baby since she was born six months ago. I love that he’s a great dad, but now that we have a parenting routine, I could use a little more loving myself. How can I get him to bring back the romance and sex?
â€"K.M., 28, Boston

“This is a super-common issueâ€"we hear about it a lot from women, but even for men it takes a while for sex to come back on the table after a baby. Talk with your husband about what you both need and are available for. Sex? Kissing? Cuddling? Nothing? Just go step-by-step. To go from nothing, where you probably have been for several months, all the way to sex can be overwhelming. Also, in my mind, a big date night with expectations to have sex at the end is a terrible idea; it just adds pressure. Do something relaxing that feels really authentic and good.”

â€"Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationship coach in New York City

“Men are simple. If you want sex, tell him. Not: ‘I’d like more sex in this relationship.’ Get in bed and shoot him a text that says, ‘Sex?’ If he declines, make him pick a new day and time. And maybe you need to redefine what constitutes sex and romance now that you have a kid. If you expect a carriage ride before you get busy, I can see why your husband might pass. But if you’re like most married couples, all you need is 15 minutes and a door that locks. Figure out what works for you, but figure it out together.”

â€"James Breakwell, a comedy writer and father of four

“The first step won’t be sex. It’ll be reconnecting as a couple. Think back to before the baby: What did you talk about and do? Make sure you’re having those adult ­convos and doing those activities. There are a lot of possibilities for why he’s acting differently. Seeing the vagina during delivery can be a little traumatic, or he may be fatigued from child care, or afraid of getting you pregnant again. These holdups tend to be temporary, so delve into how you’re both feeling, listen, and validateâ€"the physical stuff follows.”

â€"Katharine O’Connell White, M.D., an ob-gyn in Boston

“What a great problem to have! It’s all based in love, so try to look at this from a place of gratitude: So many fathers struggle to connect with their babies, but he doesn’t. In my experience the healthiest families are made up of couples who take care of each other and then take care of the children’s needs. But in the first year all bets are offâ€"it’s survival mode. I know that you’re feeling hurt and scared that things will never go back to normal, but trust me, he’ll come back. You have things the baby doesn’t!”

â€"Glennon Doyle Melton, author of Love Warrior

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They’ll only have sex with smart people

Are you the smartest person in the bedroom? If so, you may be sapiosexual, and wasting time by going after hotties who think string theory has something to do with choosing Oxford-style shoes over loafers. According to Vice, sapiosexuals are indulging in the hot fetish of the moment: viewing intelligence as the topmost turn-on.

The term, coined by a live-blogger who calls himself wolfieboy, just might make it into the next edition of Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Regardless, it already qualifies as a descriptor on OkCupid and inspired a Tinder-esque dating app for smart people, called, appropriately enough, Sapio. The fact that the big complaint about Sapio is a lack of participants maybe reflects the selectivity of those who embrace this sexual preference.

But with the growing desirability of Silicon Valley nerds, it seems that sapiosexuality is on the rise. “What were once fringe interests reserved for the stereotypically introverted, intellectual, ‘nerds’ of the world â€" comic books, characters, and comic-inspired films and TV shows, sci-fi and fantasy like the ‘Star Trek’ reboots and ‘Game of Thrones’ â€" are now essential features of 21st-century American culture,” Lora Adair, a professor of evolutionary psychology at Lyon College, told Vice. Her point being that the pursuit of classically geeky interests now comes with cachet.

For those who want to appeal to sapiosexuals, the website New Love Times offers a few tips that go beyond turning public libraries into pickup spots. It suggests that revealing some ignorance is an aphrodisiac for potential partners who enjoy showing their intelligence, flying your nerd-flag proudly can be alluring, and unconventional dating spots â€" adventurous ethnic food will trump a steak every time â€" may seal the deal. Also: Make sure you’re pronouncing words properly and using correct grammar.

While there has been some blowback â€" sapiosexual doubters describe it as pretentious, exclusionary and not even worthy of its own distinction â€" blogger Hazel Leese clearly prefers brains to brawn. “If a man uses a word I’ve never heard before, my attraction radar surges to Defcon 1,” she writes. “Likewise if he uses somewhat poetic, non-standard language, my brain enters orgasmatron mode. Long [and] complicated words, beautiful poetry, technical phrases that I don’t understand are all tantamount to talking dirty to me. In other words, I like big words and I cannot lie.”

Additionally, we presume, when giving brainy dudes her phone number, she doesn’t need to find pen and paper. They’re smart enough to commit 10 digits to memory.

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Anthony Weiner too broke to stay in sex rehab

Anthony Weiner is apparently so broke that he had to cut short his rehabilitation for sexting addiction at a Tennessee ranch.

“His family wanted him to stay 90 days, but he had to leave because he ran out of money,” one source told me.

It is believed Weiner â€" known as Carlos Danger by some crotch-shot recipients â€" was billed $25,000 for the 35-day program at the Recovery Ranch.

“His parents took out a mortgage on their house to pay for his rehab,” my source said.

The former congressman is unemployable and potentially in debt. The Post reported Friday he’s been hit with $65,000 in fines for improper use of campaign funds â€" money it sounds like he doesn’t have.

Weiner returned last week to the Upper East Side apartment he still shares with his wife Huma Abedin, who announced their separation in August, and their son Jordan, 4.

Abedin is believed to be getting a steady paycheck from the Clinton Foundation, where she has worked before.

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Americans have been lying about the benefits of abstinence only education and the dangers of porn for decades — Quartz

Over the past few weeks, as the idea of a Trump presidency has gone from unthinkable joke to horrifying reality, I’ve heard a new term making the rounds, particularly among my friends in media. “We’re living in a post-truth era,” they tell me, citing Trump’s many lies and contradictions, the rise of fake news sites, and a growing distrust of the mainstream media as evidence that the American people are increasingly distanced from reality.

I think this is a fairly accurate assessment. But as someone who’s been writing and educating Americans about sex-related topics for over a decade, I can testify to the fact that we’ve been living in a “post-truth” era for years. Quite frankly, I’ve been dealing with a post-truth world for my entire career.

The easiest entry point for understanding America’s fuzzy relationship between sex and fact is the sad state of American sex education. According to the Guttmacher Institute, a mere 13 US states require sex education to be “medically accurate.” To put that in context, 39 states require HIV education to either stress or cover abstinence, in spite of the fact that there’s little proof that a focus on abstinence actually helps delay sex.

Indeed, America’s two-decade long love affair with abstinence-only education (which president Barack Obama has attempted to put an end to) feels like the epitome of “post-truth.” Study after study shows that abstinence-only education doesn’t reduce the rate of teen pregnancy, delay the age at which young people start having sex, or lower rates of STI transmission. But as long as telling kids not to have sex feels like the solution, these misguided lesson plans will likely persist. (In fact, it might actually get worse; president-elect Donald Trump and vice president-elect Mike Pence are not known for an enlightened outlook on sexuality. Pence once said on national television that condoms are “very, very poor protection” against STIs).

This aversion to the truth is much more than a failing of political conservatives. In my experience, liberals are just as willing to ignore the facts when it’s convenient to their larger narrative.

Over the years I’ve rolled my eyes at numerous acts of “journalism” that perpetuated half-truths and outright lies about the sex and porn industriesâ€"often in the supposed service of protecting women. >The Price of Pleasure, for exampleâ€"an anti-porn documentary created by NYU professor Chyng Sunâ€"misled many of its interview subjects and used manipulative editing to craft a vision of a ruthlessly exploitative porn industry that few porn performers recognize. A piece in The Atlantic once positioned double anal, an extreme sex act that even the most practiced porn performers need to warm up to, as a routine occurrence. And let’s not forget the New York Times’ own Nicholas Kristof, whose factually inaccurate writing has peddled numerous myths about sex work and who has positioned himself as a voice of authority in spite of numerous sex workers who’ve contested his version of the “truth.”

The topic of sex is vulnerable to this sort of misinformation for a number of reasons. It’s an intensely personal experience, and one most of us have some degree of experience with. This creates a personal sense of authorityâ€"even when we lack any facts or expertise beyond our own limited experience. Compounding this false confidence is the persistent taboo against public discussions of sexuality. Stigma around sex prevents us from openly and honestly discussing the topic, adding further fuel to the many “truthy” statements that circulate about human sexual experience.

A slumping news industry has coincided with the rise of social mediaâ€"a phenomenon that has made news consumption more individualized and created information bubbles that help reinforce what feels right over what’s actually true.While unfortunate, in this context it makes sense that we’re seeing a spread of inaccuracy in our discussions of politics, the environment, and other hot-button topics that have historically been more buffered from falsehoods than sex.

But if my work in sex education offers me a deeper understanding of the factors that encourage and enable a collective divorce from reality, it also gives me hope that post-truth isn’t a permanent state of being. If we stay committed to pursuing and promoting a reality-based vision of the world, it’s possible to overcome seemingly overwhelming odds.

On the same Tuesday that Trump secured the White House, California’s adult industry battled misinformation, ignorance, and a well-funded propaganda machine to defeat the egregious Proposition 60. Opposed by many health organizations and practically all of California’s adult film actors, the proposition would have violated worker privacy and potentially made it possible for regular Californians to sue porn producers if they believed actors weren’t wearing condoms. Around the globe, sex workers have banded together to make their voices and opinions heard, and are slowly chipping away at the post-truth ethos that’s oppressed their industry for decades (if not centuries).

And even though government-funded sex education is often mediocreâ€"if not outright harmfulâ€"a number of independent sources have harnessed the internet to provide smart, thoughtful, and fact-based sex education to young people around the globe. This is the lesson activists and politicians alike need to internalize in the age of Trump. With enough commitment, dedication, and persistence, the truth can ultimately win out.

Follow Lux on Twitter @luxalptraum. Learn how to write for Quartz Ideas. We welcome your comments at ideas@qz.com.

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Anthony Weiner too broke to stay in sex rehab

Anthony Weiner is apparently so broke that he had to cut short his rehabilitation for sexting addiction at a Tennessee ranch.

“His family wanted him to stay 90 days, but he had to leave because he ran out of money,” one source told me.

It is believed Weiner â€" known as Carlos Danger by some crotch-shot recipients â€" was billed $25,000 for the 35-day program at the Recovery Ranch.

“His parents took out a mortgage on their house to pay for his rehab,” my source said.

The former congressman is unemployable and potentially in debt. The Post reported Friday he’s been hit with $65,000 in fines for improper use of campaign funds â€" money it sounds like he doesn’t have.

Weiner returned last week to the Upper East Side apartment he still shares with his wife Huma Abedin, who announced their separation in August, and their son Jordan, 4.

Abedin is believed to be getting a steady paycheck from the Clinton Foundation, where she has worked before.

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